So how can I not "let that happen" and be "better than that?

[benefitsscrounger]

I am a single parent, my ex partner was abusive. I have two children, one with SN. I am in my late thirties.

I used to work in a semi skilled admin job earning no more than £20k a year before I had dc.

Talking to someone a while ago about how hopeless the future seems as I can't see how I will be able to get off benefits and become financially secure. She said cosily "you are better than that and I know you won't let that happen".

So tell me what can I do? Any job I got would take up all my salary for childcare, I am unable to work any hours outside schools hours and then my employers need to be excessively flexible to allow me the time off I need for medical appointments and to support my child.

Seriously where do I go from here, I am doing a degree with the OU because that really is the only option open to me. No friends or family near by to help with childcare, the dc's dad is involved but he works long hours.

How do I "not let that happen" and "be better than that".

Or am I just a defeatist benefits scrounger?

Why dont you go and do a degree at uni. It is all in the day so you only need childcare in the day. You get it paid for by the Student Loan Company so dont have to pay anything and you get student loan on top. I have recently done it and got a 2:1 despite giving birth in the middle of the second year as they supported me so I got all my essays in without one late and no extentuating circumstances.

There were 2 other mums on my course in the same situation and one even used to breast feed in class. I did a degree in Childhood Studies so nearly everyone was a mum or obviously loved kids so it was by far the most flexible degree offered at the uni I think. I did the third year over 2 years and did most of it from home. I am planning to do a Social Work Masters in the end.

Sorry just read that again and seen you have actually started at the ou! sorry didnt read it properly. You can still do a ou degree and then go on to Social Work by doing the masters after you have graduated.

Also if you ever do need childcare you will get it free. We have more than 20k coming in and my daughter goes nursery 5 days a week and its all free through tax credits.

You are doing what you need to do now, which is accessing the system that provides what you and your children need.

But you are also studying/looking towards the future and you are doing exactly what good prospective employers are looking for.

What are those prospective employers looking for? Well, depending on the role, sometimes what is attractive is someone who can deal with a crisis, can multitask, can organise their time without being prompted. And a whole load of other abilities that you have already demonstrated.

Yesterday my son came to visit and yet again regaled me with the woes of having to cope with work colleagues who have not even a tenth of what you could offer. He is now at the level of being part of the interviewing team, and by the sounds of it you'd be exactly the kind of person he'd vote for.

You're not a benefit scrounger. It's obvious that not only don't you have that mentality, it's obvious you have what employers up and down the country have been looking for.

My advice? Take your time. Take the benefits you are entitled to, and when it's time go out there to find an employer there'll be very many who have been searching high and low for someone like you.

MMMmm. Actually working as a single mum is way harder when they are at school then when you can put them in a nursery that will take them at 8.00am and let you pick them up at 6.00pm.(government paid 80%)

I worked from when DS was 2 weeks old (he came with me doing nanny work)till last half term when it got too much (worked my way up to working in a school)He's 6 now. I also had a weekend job working from home with the local council that got axed when the recession hit last summer and worked after school(took DS along).Did I mention we both had to be up at 6 to walk the dog for an hour.
Anyway I did have good self esteem and was working harder than most coupled up working mums but it was even still all hand to mouth stuff and when the car started to go wrong that was it really. For the want of £500 I had to give it up. DS got fed up of being dragged round - not to work -but if you are at work whilst there at school they have to go shopping, go to the bank, appointments, find a pint of milk if you run out everything.

Sorry not sure what point I'm making but I think it is be careful what you wish for...