Turning up an hour early

[Kaloki]

Say you'd arranged for someone to come round to pick you up (their choice not yours) at 11am, and you'd said that due to insomnia you'd wake up at 10. Should they feel free to turn up at 10?

I'm currently fuming as I've had no time to get ready/wake up, and have had to get organised while MIL potters about in my kitchen and living room, basically whereever is most in the way!

We've now got to go do loads of DIY for her.

So AIBU to be so annoyed? And either way can you help talk my down before I start screaming?

Forgot to say, and dont want to be accused of AIBU by stealth. Part of why I'm so upset is that while she was pottering about she spilt tea over something of mine with sentimental value, which is a pack of tarot cards that are now tea damaged

YANBU to want MIL to stick to the arranged time, very annoying. OTOH YABU to use tarot. If they are as powerful as some people eblieve the woo will survive the dunking.

I think turning up really early is even more rude than turning up late so I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

Ohh I hate that! I have a friend who's always early, we were going shopping and she was supposed to come round after 9 - DD goes off to school at 8:20 so that would give me time to shower etc. Well her DD got on the school bus at 8:10 and she came straight round, she said she might as well otheriwise she'd just be sitting in her kitchen on her own! So she bloody turned up while I was in my nightie, and sat in MY kitchen while I rushed around, I never got the chance to have breakfast, I was and she had no idea why.

So no, YADNBU. I think turning up far, far too early is actually ruder than turning up late.

but then I would, I'm always late!

yanbu

Kreecher - they're bits of card, no power in them at all. They are just a deck which I had hunted for for 10 years, due to the gorgeous designs. Plus they were found on a very special day for me

why did she come so early?

According to her, she figured that as we'd be awake we wouldn't mind. Our alarm went off after she turned up

Am on my mobile, and have just turned up at her house where she wants shelves fitted in her new shed, except she thought she'd (helpfully) fill the shed with crap first

don't understand her reasoning. If you were going to be ready to be picked up at 11am, possibly awake but not ready at 10, why turn up an hour early to hang about someone else's house waiting for them to get ready?

Sounds like a good start to what will be a fun day! Poor you.

WOuld be very tempted to say that you will just wait for her to empty the shed so you can put up the shelves and hang around to anoy her while she does it.

Or say that you'll come back another day as she obviously didn't want you to put up the shelves as she has not sorted the stuff out.

You say 'we've got to' - does that mean your dh is with you? If you mil lives near anything nice and walkable away in distance, I'd be very tempted to say I was just going to go out for a walk while she sorted things out like she should have done this morning instead of hassling annoying arriving early this morning...

My in laws are always early. It drives me mad. In my opinion it is much, much ruder to turn up early than it is too turn up late. It is so intrusive. What to do about it without kicking off a family argument is another matter entirely of course. We were having lunch with my inlaws at 1.30pm in a restaurant this saturday. They phoned our house at 10.30am on the morning of the lunch to say they were on their way and would be with us at 11.15pm, as opposed to meeting us at the restaurant which was what we had planned. My husband had said "ok" on the phone before I realised what they were doing. I was FUMING!

obviously I meant 11.15am. Clearly revisiting the experience made me too annoyed to think straight!

A bit harsh, but perhaps in future just tell her she's extremely early, you're not ready and she should go down the road to a cafe for a cup of tea. She can come back at the designated time.

Bet if you did it that way, she'd learn to respect your 'boundaries' a bit more.

YANBU! Arriving earlier than expected is v rude. It effectively forces you to run round to get ready quicker than you expected to have to - v inconsiderate.

I have had similar episodes and it drives me nuts. It was BIL and SIL in my case - they were due to come over to see our baby at 6pm, but decided to arrive 2 hours early - having texted us only 15 mins earlier to "ask" us if arriving early was ok (they live approx 1 hour away, so had obv set off well before texting us). They arrived just as I was finishing up Sunday lunch with a friend. Friend felt obliged to leave early so I was really pissed off (esp as SIL is quite annoying at times so I would have preferred my friend's company).

Spilling tea on the tarot cards is v annoying - obv was an accident, but it wouldn't have happened if MIL hadn't been early so can see why you'd be cross about it. Was she suitably apologetic about that?

Next time - and there will be one - make her a cuppa, sit her down in a chair and ask her to stay there while you get ready - 'explain' that you need time to wake up or else you'll be grumpy all day!!

But YANBU MIL turning up and hour early to collect you, to do her a favour is really rude!