to feel the urge to tell someone about a child's bruises?

[citybranch]

I don't want to go into a lot of detail though, as don't want the situation to be identified if poss!

A child I know well is not getting on with his mum too well at the moment, he's 13 and has a serious illness which means a lot of medication. His mum finds him difficult to deal with, she says it is the meds.

The child's issues are that his mother criticises him daily, tells him he is not a part of this family... this is because he spends a lot of time in his room or at a friends, he says he can't 'be himself' at home anymore. She tells him to go and live with his dad. His dad will happily have him but it would mean changing schools and the child can't bear to do that just now, he has only just settled in after missing a lot because of the illness. He really needs his friends.

So the child has some very bad bruises. He said his mother picked a fight over nothing, and when he questioned this she hit and dragged him. He fought back and they had a physical fight in front of the younger siblings who were hysterical.

I'm wondering what people's gut instinct is on this... mine is to tell someone... the child's hospital/social services? I know that to hit a child and leave bruises is illegal.

On the other hand, the mother is going through a hard time and this seems to have been a one-off so far. Would I be causing a larger problem if I mentioned anything?

How do you know this child? If it is through any kind of organisation you need to report this to the Child Protection officer (all schools, youth groups, churches etc. should have one legally). If it is a friend of one of your children, tell them you cannot keep this a secret and have to tell someone for their own safety, then contact Barnados/NSPCC.

Social services will not just swoop in and take the child away. However if there is an investigation and the outcome down the line is this then that would surely be in the child's interest. If she is beating him then of course it would be.

You don't know if there is physical or other abuse going on if you just have the boys word but it isnt upto you to decide whether he is telling the truth or not. Tell SS asap, they may have more information and its upto them to investigate and then act accordingly.

the counselling is through the hospital that deals with the treatment.

don't think the boy is being abused physically, think it is a one-off incident. Could possibly be a form of emotional abuse going on, but so difficult to know because 13 is a difficult age/they have had a difficult time recently.

Thanks for all answers so far, you are helping me to get my head around my thoughts/feelings.

Are you a close friend of the child? Have you asked him what he would like you to do to be supportive to him? It sounds like he really needs a sounding board more than anything and a good friend.

I would report the situation to ss but not without talking to the boy about it first and making sure he understood the consequences of getting them involved and that you could guarantee that someone would be there for him if he needed help.

I think my main worry would be making things worse between them - the mother could easily become more aggressive if she thinks he has been going around telling people he is being abused if in her mind she doesn't think she is doing anything wrong.

If he's come to you asking for help, how can you ignore him?

I don't mean that in a nasty way, if I'm right that most children find it difficult to talk to adults outside the home about 'private' stuff, and he's telling you, that must say something about how he's feeling?

There could be lots of reasons he doesn't want to go to his dads, perhaps he doesn't want to leave his siblings, and like you say his school etc? It doesn't necessarily mean everything's OK at home.

The child has come and asked you for help. I dont think you can ignore that.

Yes and all child protection training tells you that this is the only side of the story you need to make a referral.

The comments the op described, the bruises, the consistent story from the siblings and the illness are all red flags.

I am not suggesting that it is us that makes this judgement, it is down to ss to assess and act as they see fit.

This boy has told the op the story he is probably trying to get someone to make it stop.

This wont happen without outside help and that starts with social services / school nurse.

I see what you mean Ali, but I don't think it would be fair on the child to ask for his permission to go to an outside agency, it's putting even more pressure on him.

So you'd explain to him that SS could remove him from the home, he's hardly going to say yes to that. What if he says no? Does that mean she shouldn't tell anyone?

Thanks for that .

I am well aware of CP training - I was just pointing out that you were jumping to MASSIVE conclusions by using terms such as "abuser" on what is, at the moment, hearsay.

I'm with Nellie on this one....there is enough information to suggest an investigation needs to be made.

Thanks all. I need to get ready for work and speak to the dad... I will get the dad to phone his son.

Call ss you and the ladies on here are completely unqualified on this subject and even if some of the ladies are it would be hard for them to decide whether it is abuse from hearsay.

You have no training to deal with this and ss do ss will not swoop in and take the child if they did there would never have been a baby p would there? your responsibility is to the child and she will get her chance to explain when ss (trained professionals who will know if she is lying about how her ds got the bruises) go to talk to her.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that they are going to remove him - that is scaremongering. If he thinks that someone outside of the home might be helpful then it would be useful.

Something definitely needs to happen - I get frightened for children in those situations though and generally I would be curious to know if social services do manage to help or can abuse actually stop if they intervene? I am convinced parents who are abusive just find more clever ways to abuse. However, I don't know very much about the subject and probably need to be corrected.

Hi, just want to say (from another angle) I don't know what the boy's 'illness' is but my DS has epilepsy. The meds do affect his behaviour (at the min anyway) and a side effect of one of them (epilim) is that hebruises v v easily and often has about 14 on his legs and lower arms (and we are not beating him honestly!)

Just thought I'd mention it.