Is my sister guileless, thoughtless or mischievious?

[weehector]

I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant with my first child. My aunt (my mum basically as she brought my sister & I up after our mum died when we were kids) is hopefully going to be one of my birth partners, along with DH. I say hopefully as she lives about 2 hrs away from us. Apart from the fact that she's a nurse & wonderfully calm to be around (& my squeamish, nervy DH may not be!), I want her there as back up in case my DH can't be there for me straight away - he works at sea and it may take a few hours to get him home if I go into labour while he's on duty.

My issue is this. My sister, who lives even further away from our family home than I do, has asked my aunt to take her two kids (5 & 16months) for at least 2 nights when I'm 39.5weeks to allow her and her hubby to decorate their playroom without the kids around. If she takes them, it would mean a nightmare of logistics & around at least a couple of hours delay on top of her 2hr journey to get to me if I went into labour that weekend.

Due to kids classes at the weekend & shiftwork, my aunt doesn't get to see the kids that often, which I know she feels sad & guilty about. My sister is vocal that she doesn't make the effort to see them enough as far she's concerned despite the logistics involved...which I feel is a little unfair tbh but my sister has always been a bit needy.

A cynical part of me wonders if this is my sister trying to mark her territory ('my kids came first') & ensure some granny time before the next granchild comes along and she's almost setting a test of loyalties for our aunt...she has her ILs v close by so she wouldn't be stuck for childcare & her reason for asking her to take them isn't a matter of life or death - I'm sure the playroom could wait a couple of weeks! I really don't
want to get involved but for some reason it's upsetting
me. I'm already worried about the logistics of having a birth partner there for labour & a 40 min drive to the hospital.

Am I being hormonal allowing myself to be upset by this? Do you think she's being unfair on me & my aunt (who will not want to say no & would love to have the kids but will stress about the possibility of perhaps not getting there in time for me)? Should I say something or just go with the flow and accept that life is not all about me and even close family members may have other priorities that I just have to get over?

I think you are right and she is being selfish and setting a "test" for your aunt. I also think you should stay well out of it and your aunt should tell your sister that she would absolutely love to do it but she is unavailable that weekend or the following two weekends, until your baby is born. If your sis was just being a bit dopey, she will accept that - if she is being mean then she will kick up about it.

Decorating the DC's room can happen any time - there is no reason why it should be that weekend.

YANBU

I want to add something supportive but feel my own tense relationships with my sister would colour my judgement.

All the best for your birth.

Agree with thumbwitch totally very good advice. Hope it gets sorted so it's one less worry for you.

Also agree with Thumbwitch. You can tell your Aunt that you are concerned that she might not be able to get to you if needed, but other than that keep out.

Agree with both Thumbwitch and YorkshireTeaDrinker...

YANBU.

YANBU - had similar situation with different family members myself.

Was all ok in the end but rather stressful at the time.

Good luck!

Your Aunt just needs to say no but that she can do X date.

Your sister is being a childish bitch

Going against the flow here - I don't think you are being at all unreasonable to be upset by it, but I would give your sister the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she just doesn't realise that you are due precisely around that weekend. Does she have a history of being manipulative? If not, she has probably just not thought. Maybe she does want her children to have some auntie time before the baby comes which I don't really see anything wrong with. Obviously her timing is bad.

Talk to your sister, but don't attack her. Gently remind her of your situation and she will probably back down.

Good luck to you with the birth and everything How exciting! You must be roasting in this heat though.

She's probably thinking a first child will not come on time, which often they dont, but its not an exact science!

Either that or she's being a bit territorial - but its possibly just a case of fitting it in at the last minute before you need her.

would you invite your aunt to stay with you from about that time because you're worried about the 2 hours. She'll surely make the decision to cancel with sister?

YANBU but perhaps your sister is thinking practically and thinks it's the last chance your aunt is going to be available for a while so wants to get this out of the way before your baby is born.

Congratulations by the way

tsc - the aunt is on standby in case the OP's DH is out at sea, not in case he faints.

Thanks for your wise words, ladies. It helped just to articulate the things that had been running round my head at 3am & I know that hormental women aren't always the most objective.

My aunt is required but I've been trying hard not to put her under any pressure about making it in time. I want her to enjoy being granny rather than mothering me & I'd hardly be the first woman to have to get herself to hospital & go through labour by herself.

My sister a long & distinguished track record of needing to be the centre of attention (don't get me started there but it does get tiresome for the rest of us) and knows exactly when the baby is due - in fact, she's pretty excited and is on a countdown in days...when she mentioned this on the phone last night (I was at the family home for the weekend) she said she knew she was 'cutting it fine' but didn't have any apparent awareness of the situation she may well put my aunt or me in.

I didn't discuss it with my aunt after the call because I don't want her to feel torn but she did say that she'd seen something like this coming & she could read my sis like a book so we'll see what happens. It's all so imprecise & a waiting game anyway..think I'll follow my gut instinct and not say a thing to anyone and let nature take it's course in more ways than one.

Thanks again though, ladies. Glad I wasn't being too much of a mentalist.

"she did say that she'd seen something like this coming & she could read my sis like a book."
Sounds like your aunt has it covered! I predict you won't have to say anything more.

yanbu.

your sister is being mischievious. and manipulative. glad your aunt can also see through it.

good luck.

Not a mentalist at all, weehector, not at all. Agree that your aunt sounds as though she can deal with this fully and appropriately and you'll be fine when your time comes.
Good luck with it!

YANBU at all - your sister is being a brat (quite honestly!).

I mean, how would she feel if you ended up giving birth alone, while your Mum/Aunt looked after her children for something totally unessential. Would she really be OK with that?

It sounds like your Mum/Aunt has her pegged though, so I'd try not to worry and trust that all will be OK in the end.