Should my brother let me fight my own battles?

[valleyqueen]

I will try and keep it short.

I have 3 brothers, 2 are half brothers (different mums) one of my sil is expecting a baby and other sil arranged a baby shower which she invited most of my female family and my 3rd sil.

My 3rd sil asked me why I couldn't make it. Truth is I knew nothing about it until she said something (she didn't go either but saw pics on fb) it totally went over my head, I was busy that day anyway and this sil never includes me in anything, I don't have to time to be bothered by any of it.

My younger brother however is totally offended on my behalf and wants to go in all guns blazing wanting to know why she is like this. I want him to leave it, like I said I just don't give a shit. Tbh I think it bothers her that I never mention anything. AIBU to tell him to lay off.

Tricky one. YANBU to 'fight your own battles' as you put it, but on the other hand if one part of a family is displaying bad behaviour to another part of the family, all other family members are entitled to an opinion and entitled to express that opinion to any family member they choose.

Because, if they say nothing, they may feel that they are colluding in the bad behaviour, or even giving it tacit approval.

And your brother obviously does not want to see himself as colluding/approving, so I'd let him do as he wants.

I am just concerned that she will think I've told him to say something. I've spent the last 10 years not caring, I would rather concentrate on the family that I am close to.

I don't fit into her world and I never will, I just don't see how my brother saying something will change that.

It won't change anything between you and her. Him saying something to her is about the relationship between them - she's his SIL too. He wants her to know that he doesn't approve of her behaviour, and feels if he says nothing then she takes his silence as approval/acceptance of her behaviour. Essentially, he's not fighting your battle but his own.

Mmm never thought of it like that. I have said to him if he must mention it then he is to tell her I haven't told him to. I have also told him I am not interested to hear her reasons.