to refuse to get back in the car?

[Butterpie]

I was working today. I usually take 8mo DD2 with me, but FIL volunteered to watch her and give me a lift to work, which I accepted. So, in the morning he gave me a lift, then went round to mine to pick up DD2 (DP and MIL were taking DD1 to a show).

The event I was doing finished early, but I was only expecting FIL at 4pm, as I knew he would need the car seat (which was in my house) to bring DD2, and everyone else was at the show.

At 3.45, FIL came walking into the event, carrying DD2. He had taken the top carrycot bit off the pram, wedged it into the car, fastened the flimsy lap belt round the baby, and driven there like that!

I think i managed to hide my horror, I just said, oh, no worry, I'll just take her home on the bus- I don't want you getting in trouble or anything, but he clearly thought I was over-reacting, and got MIL to drive down with the car seat to pick us up.

I'm right though, surely, to not let my baby be carried illegally in a car?

(the carrycot bit has a kind of joint, so it was sat up and the baby was facing forwards, if that makes sense- it looked a bit like a forward facing car seat, except not one and with only a little lap strap (not even between her legs) holding her in.)

SGM, that's pretty offensive to the large number of older people who just haven't kept up with childrearing (or child transporting) practices. My parents aren't stupid, and wouldn't transport a child not strapped in, but their ideas of what constitutes a safe seat are not the same as mine. OP's FIL did in his own way fasten the child in; it just wasn't the right way. It isn't stupid; I would reserve that term for the parents who haven't bothered to find out about child seats or who just don't care.

So she is NBU to refuse to get in, but would be BU to start calling him stupid...

Just for the record - some of our parents were car seat conscious. Nearly 40 years ago my parents' car would be stared at for the three child seats fastened along the back seat (people would nose through the window when it was parked, muttering about triplets - which we definitely weren't). I'd never worry about car seats with my parents

But yes, it is a generational thing. My parents-in-law think I'm over-fussy about car seats, and however nice they are, I wouldn't trust them to strap the DC up, at all.

It may be a generation thing I used to sit between the 2 front seats on a homemade cushion BUT there wasn't as many cars around in the 70's when I was growing up and they didn't go at ridiculous speeds.

borderslass- BUT the cars didnt have as good impact protection either. Not that I generally rubberneck car crashes but it is amazing how some cars come out of massive crashes almost unscathed whereas 30 years ago they'd have been completely concertina'd/ coved in.

I dont think anyone is saying "it's a generational thing. Let FIL do what he wants."

It's more a case of appreciating that for many of our parents, what they did at the time was perfectly okay, and yelling at them and calling them idiots for not appreciating the benefits of the Maxi Cosi Pebble is pretty unfair and unlikely to get the desired result.

In 30 years time, much of what we do to our children now will probably have been deemed unsafe/ non-ideal/ dangerous and we wouldnt want our children calling us bad parents (because the likelihood is that we will still think we did ok and that all the new rules are overkill)

My parents know that children go into car seats now, they have seen the Maxi Cosi we've bought for ours. They don't necessarily 'get' the mechanism, but they'd figure it out! That isn't to say that they would think that the carry cot on back seat/seatbelt solution was unreasonable though, that will have been how they carried my sister and I around quite safely for years. Doesn't make them eejits.

I am 66 and would never drive one of dgc without proper carseat.I have my own in the car all the time for dgs2 and when I have dgs1 his mum leaves me the other seat.I had an early Britax seat for dd 35 years ago and a 4point belt for ds Age no excuse at all.

I don't think that it is a generational thing.

My parents are 65yo and would no more take the DC in a car without a car seat than let the DC drink a beer.

When we were young people used to pack several kids onto the back seat and a couple in the boot. They also used to let us get sunburnt, and smoke in front of us and do many other things that we now know is simply reckless.

Anyone who is in charge of a vehicle is, by law, responsible for the safety of his/her passengers. There is no excuse for not securing a child in a car seat.