what would you do? - eczema and allergies

[cakenomore]

ds2 (18mths) eczema is so much worse on return from overnight stay at exP's house.

He has multiple food allergies and eczema. After many months of terible skin, miserable scratchy boy and sleepless nights we finally got allergies diagnosed and eventually sent to dermatologist. His skin has got so much better and nearlly clear. The only thing is that every time it gets to the point of nearlly stopping the steriod creams and piriton, he goes to his dads house and comes back in a mess again.

The state of his skin really points at allergic reaction to something in the enviroment which i think is most likley cats or house dust mite.I have tried suggesting everything i can think of to exP - washing powders, clean hands creaming him, hoovering well.

I am going to gp asking for skin prick testing to cats and dust mites but in the months that i will be waiting what do i do?

Is it negligent to allow ds2 to stay with exP? On my own with 2 little ones am knackered the overnight stays (a recent thing) have been so so good, i don't know how i will cope after such a long time of broken nights, i was just getting self together.

But i cant keep putting these creams on him and i need to stop the piriton so can test for some vegetables and fruit i think he is allergic to (under the advice of allergist at hospital) not to mention the bother his skin gives him, and me with no sleep at bad times.

But then he needs and loves male time and exP, also spends time with wonderful half sister who stays on same night. Do i still let ds1 stay over? But then ds2 will miss him and be upset that he is not part of it, and exP might not be so driven to make situation better maybe by getting a better hover and cleaning more.

also relationship with exP is very dicey, I would be hung drawn and quartered for stopping kids visit. He never takes me seriously and i get quite alot of abuse from his end as it is. It is not an option to have him stay at mine even if am not there. another person without a cat is hard to find and a house would need childproofing as ds2 is into and on top of everything.

any suggestions? am at a complete loss and unsure of how to deal with exP

My DS is now 14 and had terrible eczema from 9 months, so I understand, I don't think you can stop the visits if he enjoys them so much and it helps you. My ds also used to suffer when we visited others but it was not an animal problem, we have a cat, it was the washing powder used on the sheets. I still only wash his clothes in one brand as many others irritated his skin. When ds2 comes back has the eczema come back all over his body or just in particular places, it might give you a clue as to what is the cause. Could you get your exP to come to the GP with you, it sounds like he doesn't really understand what it means to have eczema and allergies like your ds2. It certainly is not negligent to let him stay with exP, his emotional well being is just as important as his physical. Hang in there.

Could you get ex-dp involved in the medical appointments, especially the allergy testing, so he can garner the seriousness of it and also be shown how to care for ds' skin?

thanks yeah i feel a bit better about letting him go over now. exP has been at medical appointments and witnessed a serious allergic reaction so he does know, which is why i know he wouldnt be giving him the wrong food. exP is just one of those who always knows best. When he used to watch me put on creams he used to critise the way i was doing it but when asked to do it he would say that i knew what i was doing?!!! Although he does cream him now. I keep trying to take pictures before and after so he realises the severity of the change but ds2 is a bit of a fiend with cameras and i havent managed to get a picture. need to outwit my crafty 18mth old.

Could you also say to him, mystified, there's something triggering a reaction when he's at your house - could you do a bit of detective work and come up with a list of possibles. With the allergy testing coming up, it could be really useful info.

O.K. I am now a grandmother-but our eldest son really suffered from Eczema as a baby,and then a child-especially in the folds of his elbows,and knees and round his mouth.I just used Pommade Divine,which really helped him.He was also allergic to nuts/horses/cats-his heart stopped when he was 18 months old-having thought he would just try a Brazil nut from a box of chocolates!we took him for a full allergy test.He is now 37,and about to become a Father.He always has an Epi-pen with him-just in case,and still uses Pommade Divine,if any skin allergy's happen.

Poor you! Can you get your exP to give him piriton for the times he's staying with him to prevent reactions - it would only be for those times?

topiarygal - yes i have asked him to give ds2 an extra dose of piriton as he is already having one before bed.

DiHi - i have never heard of Pommade Divine, could you tell me more?

thanks for the input everyone. appiontments come through so hopefully when he has been tested i can take it from there.

I don't think you can stop the visits that wouldn't be fair to your DS or exP.

Why can't you keep putting the creams on him?

DS (3.3) has eczema and it comes and goes and it's very hard to pinpoint what the cause is. I've resigned myself to putting cream on him for a long time to come.

trixymalixy - its the steriod creams that bother me because they are not the best thing to use constantly if you can help it. He has had months and months of flared up infected eczema and i want to get to a point where he just needs moisturising. Also we desperately need to be able to have a gap from the piriton in order to be able to test him with some foods as his diet is pretty restricted.

There is a website-www.pommadedivine.com good luck.

Could it be the bedclothes? Are they washed with different washing powder? Maybe he is using fabric softner which is a definite trigger for my dd's eczema.