Is your nut allergic child made to feel different at school?

[tatt]

This message was posted on a forum for those with nut allergy. Angie is happy for it to be posted here too as she'd like a lot of responses

"Over the last few months I've been contacted by a number of people who are having problems with their child's school.

The Anaphylaxis Campaign are running a brilliant programme educating school nurses so that they are trained to deal with nut allergy and we will support them all we can with that. I'm interested in the 'pastoral' side and the way children are segregated and made to feel different - and the effect that must have on them.

If you have had any experiences like that, I would love to hear from you. Please private message me on this site or email me at It's Nut Free (angela.russell at itsnutfree.com).

I am hoping that between us, we can make a difference,

Thanks
Angie "

My DC do not have nut allergies. But, coincidentally, they each have a good friend who does. Neither of the friends have problems at school. Both of my DC know that friend 1 and friend 2 are allergic to nuts and cant eat certain cakes for example (at birthday time). They all seem very well adjusted to it. (They are still primary age though, so maybe that could change as they get older?).

My DS1 has certain foods which make him very unwell so he has to avoid. He too is not made to feel differnt at school. His friends know that he cant have them.

Obviously this will vary from school to school and even possibly from class to class, but, IME it is not a problem, if dealt with in the right way from the start. Hope that helps.

I'm glad your child has no problems.

We have experienced problems at primary level, fewer at secondary school. However we chose the school partly for the way they responded when asked about allergies. Sometimes no matter what effort the parents make before the child starts children are in tears as a result of the way they are treated.

I am sorry to hear you have had problems with this, and that children are upset becuase of the way they are treated. My experiences are obviously very limited, but I would willingly support a campaign to ensure all children are treated equally, regardless of their medical background. Keep me in the loop.

Hello Tatt!

As you know my DD is allergic (although the study is still going strong! She is still on 5 peanuts a day and the 'lead boy' on the study had a snickers bar and a chinese meal this week - blows you away huh?)

Anyhow. We had to remove DD from one school as she was made to feel so hideous by a teacher. The teacher made her sit right at the front of the class, next to her desk just in case she had a reaction. She was not allowed to go on the school field, even for games just in case she got stung by a wasp (we don't know if DD is allergic as she has never been stung) and she made a total fuss. They made DD carry her EpiPens herself (at 7 years old) and then made DD feel so bad that DD went into the toilets and let her EpiPen off into a wall to see what it looked like as she had never actually seen it. This was our error I guess as we were waiting until she was of an age when she could take on board the information without being scared witless.

Anyhow, I digress. When the teacher found DD in the toilet DD was very honest and said what she had done. She told DD that she should be in a 'special school'. Can I add at this stage DD was hiding under the desk from the women and actually self harming?!

So, we moved her to a smaller school where they could take better care of her and they have. She is due to move to secondary school in September and is now pretty safe compared with regard to nuts due to the trial success. The school she is at is excellent, they check everything and even include her in cooking class which many schools would not risk.

Her Brownie/Guide group is wonderful, friends parents are brilliant and the family takes the upmost care. I think it is all how you educate people to be honest.

Hmmmm. That was quite cathartic!

Gosh BlueBumedFly (great name btw!) your poor poor daughter I am appalled at the treatment she had at school. But I am glad things are better for her now, and that the trial is going well - finger's crossed!

bbf - please send Angie that story. She has a daughter herself and will, I'm sure, be as angry as I am hearing it.

I would have gone to the head, PA, governors, the LEA, my MP and anyone else I could think of to try and get that teacher sacked. Some people should never be allowed near children. Hope you told her she was not fit to be entrusted with children?

Although your child will hopefully not need it again school nurses can be helpful in educating the stupid.

I can see now why your child was so willing to go through the programme. Thankfully it is working out well for her.

Hi Tatt, will do.

We did go to everyman and his dog, they were just not interested. The head said that he trusted her opinion etc etc and we should remember that DD is no angel. Granted we are not stupid but self harm at 7? She was sticking pencils in her legs. Our older child was still at the school and we were very aware that we did not want to make things bad for her. When we questioned the teacher at the open evening she said 'Your other child is not like this'

At the time I thought DH and DDs Mum (DD is my stepdaughter) and I were all going to explode. I went first quickly followed by the other 2, she tried to backtrack but the damage was done. THEN, when we said we were going to move DD she said 'its prob for the best but don't worry it won't affect your other child' = OMG!!!! To say we were livid is an understatement. Luckily it was DD1s last year at that school so we were able to grin and bare it once DD2 was safely elsewhere.

So, DD now about to change schools in September but thanks to that teacher she has to make the jump from a 60 child school to a 750 child school, not the way we would have planned it obviously but she is very excited so fingers crossed.

I will speak to Angie, i think if we all make out points then sometime people have to listen. This is not just nut allergic kids either, it follows for dairy and soya and others too.

Tatt, thanks for doing this, you are always such a great advocate for the allergy fraternity.

BlueBumedFly that is just awful.

Naswm - I know, you could not write this sort of stuff, it was truly unreal. It took a long time to unravel DD from it all. We are just hoping that the new school can help her mature and grow.

how did you deal with the SH? This is a matter close to my heart and I am so saddened to hear about your D

Sorry I am being thick - 'SH'?

self harm, sorry!

Sorry, it has been a long old day!

Well, DD had always seen it as an option, if her older sister fell and hurt herself then we would find her trying to graze a knee or elbow to get the attention onto herself. We tried desperately to concentrate on the 'good behaviour' and ignore the 'bad'. Lots of praise etc for the smallest thing. We tried to find a hobby that she could excel at that we stopped her older sister from doing so she could not take the shine off it.

When it all came to a head with the pencil thing I think that she realised we really did worry and care and we had taken notice that she hated the school teacher. By moving her she realised we cared about her as much as her sister (of course we did/do!!) and we had taken notice and acted accordingly.

She had always been keen on 'low grade attention seeking' and this was yet another and yet far more serious episode. We set up a 'star chart' and made good on each and every promise and carried though on punishments when required. She had some art therapy which actually came around and bit us on the bum as she decided if she needed therapy she was obviously a 'freak' and therefore that gave her a license to behave badly! Sigh.

We had a good few years of work work work, lots of praise, trying to ignore the bad stuff as best we could and just worked as a team, united. We recruited her sister as well to explain the difference in 'good attention' and 'bad attention' and how to tell the difference. This helped as she adores her sister and so wants to be like her.

We are not out of the woods yet, she is still very tricky when stressed but is generally getting much better. She is kind hearted and generous and sweet but does not think things though and has a hard time taking other people's feelings on board.

thansk for sharing all that Blue. I am sorry your D has those problems, and for you too. It sounds like your are a good parent, but do get some more help if she show ssigns of doing things again to harm herself? x

We will thank you naswm, where would i find such info?

nshn.co.uk will provide some info

hope you dont need it though, IYKIWM

me too! thanks honey

Hello.
Ds1 has a blanket ban on nuts. School are really good actually. He has school lunches but there are photos of him in the canteen etc so the catering staff know what he can and can't eat.
He is very conscious though of all the cake bakes/stalls, sweets and cakes for birthdays because he's just not allowed them. He does understand but sometimes it's hard to see his face at these events. He's 9 btw.

Ingles - have you baked with him? We used to let DD bake her own cakes so she knew they were safe and did not have to miss out.

Thanks BBF... Yes we bake a lot, but he's just a typical 9 yr old boy....greedy. He'd kill for a cake bless him, so it's probably a good thing he can't eat them all or he'd be the size of a house.