Dairy free/ Allergies and birthday Parties etc

[Aimsmum]

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You'll have to ask otherwise you'll just worry. Either that or no parties which isn't a nice option!

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You;ll have to try & bring it up & keep your fingers crossed! Good luck! At the end of the day, the other Mum has to understand surely?!

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If you think about it realistically, about 90% of party food which is served up will have some element of dairy in it - sandwiches with butter, cakes and biscuits are all going to contain it, and that's even before you get to the jelly and ice-cream - you might be lucky to get away with the crisps but that's not guarunteed!!

My DD is allergic to egg and milk and I have to say that I would not expect a stressed out party Mum to fully cater for her. Her child will, in any event, no doubt want her favourite things at the party. What I do which works well for us is speak to the Mum, find out what sort of food they are going to have and send my daughter along with something similar, eg sandwiches, biscuits etc which I know are safe for her to eat. I often find that Mums will then gratefully meet you half way - eg keeping jelly and fruit completely separate from ice cream etc, supplying safe drinks and easy stuff like that so my dd can join in to a certain extent and then just empty her own "safe" food out onto a clean party plate for the rest.

It's tough on your dd I know not to be able to join in with everything but I have found that at least this way I know my dd will not eat anything inappropriate!

Good luck with it. I hope you find a solution.

Coral

I would phone the mum and explain that you are going to send her with a lunch box of her own food, even make her a little cake, as she will probably not be able to have the official one.

There is so much cross contamination at a kids party (kids biting something once and putting it back)and hidden dairy in food that unless you had seen every single packet you wouldn't be 100% anyway. Far easier to pack your own. Your dd will be used to eating different food from nursery.

Ds had his birthday party last month and I provided all food which he could eat (complicated by my brother being vegan - nightmare cake experience). All the kids ate loads and no tantrums (well one, but he would tantrum in a bubble). I just gave water and nothing was coloured or had additives. I also had to ban balloons.

Not surprisingly ds has not been invited to their birthday parties as the parents seemed to miss the bright pink crap much more than the children. Hopefully when he is older the kids will ask for him specifically and he will be invited to things.

My son goes to parties but being allergic to dairy, eggs and nuts he takes his own lunch box... and epi-pen and piriton.... At 6 (nearly 7) he is very sensible and won't eat any other food except what I provide. I would never never trust another person to provide food for my son, people have no idea what contains dairy/eggs/nut and I wouldn't expect them to! I no longer stay at parties, but leave my mobile number and I stay local.
Good luck with the party
have you given yourself a time scale to work to to see if your daughter improves (she had ear infections didn't she?)
Mum Rum

My son is on a restricted diet for various intolerances and we do the same as others here - send a party box packed with goodies for him. I usually include sandwiches, crisps he can eat, rice crackers, a biscuit and a couple of iced plain cakes - it is a party, so I don't care how much he gets nutritionally, only that he has cake to eat when everyone else does. I also send his own drink with him. He is 6 and very sensible (about this, at least....), but I always explain to the mum or other adult in charge that he has his own food, and we make sure both he and they know where it is.
He trades sweets won as prizes or in the party bag for small items he wants eg collectible cards.
I, like Bobbybob, did all the food for his last party without additives or colourings; everyone was calm and happy and none of the children complained about the plain white iced cake! Good luck - sometimes it feels awkward to have to be the odd one out, for you and your daughter, but it soon becomes a way of life, I promise...

singersgirl, did you find that the parents didn't regard it a proper spread? I got the "oh, poor bob no party food" look a few times. He is okay with chocolate though - so he had a massive chocolate cake (very crumbly and dry unfortunately) plastered together with masses of fudge icing. But because it wasn't Barney or Thomas it was treated as if it wasn't a proper cake. (By the parents, children are a lot nicer about things!)

another one that does their own party plate - I've tried the other route with people I know well and found them offering cake with marzipan I've also produced a question and answer sheet for parents so that they know why the food on the party plate isn't shared. Before we did that I'd find the other children would eat anything mine might have eaten then wanted to share. I make sure the plate includes the type of food that other children like

Hi, Bobbybob, I find my mum's the worst! She'll keep on saying things like "Oh, poor children!" when I don't let them have something. Because my son isn't strictly allergic (he's not going to go into anaphylactic shock - well, not to anything he's had so far....) it's harder for her to see the 'point' of his restrictions.
Most of the parents I knew well enough at the last party knew about the diet and were quite supportive, but I don't know what the other ones said. A lot of parents are openly sceptical... Since we're following Failsafe (from Fed Up), we're amine and salicylate free at the moment, but trialling amines over Easter. Not too bad so far (day 5.)

I think that the worst people are the ones that say... in front of son...with a simpering voice.. "what a shame..... poor thing" We are very matter of fact with son, he can't have the food that he's allergic too and thats that!... we have told him it just a part of who he is, it's what makes us all different and all special.
Rum Mum

I have the same problem for different reasons though with my kids. They are all vegetarian and when they've had party invites I have found it helpful to approach the parents and explain the situation. Those I've done this with have been quite understanding about it and happy for me to provide appropriate food.

I don't have a problem with providing special boxes for children with allergies etc although for an anaphylactic allergy I think I (and the parents) would prefer the child to come with a lunchbox. I alsways ask on theinvite for people to let me knof of special dietary requirements. So far I've coped with dariy free, gluten free, vegetarian and "no beef". One mother of a non-dairy child provided her child with a lunchbox as the allergy was more severe. I'm far wiser now as to the "hidden" ingredients.

You have to RSVP to the invite - when you do, simply mention that your child is "allergic to dairy" and would they prefer you to provide her with a lunchbox. Most parents understand completely.

I really hate the "poor thing" and long conversations in front of the child. We don't allow much self pity either, they have to learn to cope and dweling on it doesn't help. There is always someone worse off.

The weird thing is that I don't think he is a "poor thing" at all. He got homemade chicken nuggets, falafels, pitta bread triangles, homemade mini burgers, homemade "sausage" rolls peach and orange slices and a huge chocolate cake.

I'm not going to heap pity on a kid that gets to eat that at a birthday party - the mother maybe for spending all the previous day cooking it all when other people can just open packets and make some vegemite sandwiches.

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Let us know her reaction then. I'm sure you'll be fine but good luck! All these lunchboxes sound great, does anyone want to send me one?!