I HATE allergies sometimes!

[Weta]

I took DS1 (serious dairy allergy) out to a circus on Sunday with 3 friends and their mums, followed by lunch. I thought I'd got it all right - I figured he could have a plate of chips and I took along ham, salad and a soy dessert for him, plus a few biscuits just in case there were any unexpected eating events.

I totally underestimated how much crap "normal" children are able to have in an outing!! At the circus they all had popcorn, so DS1 ate all his biscuits. We then had lunch and of course the kids' meals came with a free toy, which of course happened to be a dinosaur, which is DS1's favourite thing. He was very good and just played with the other kids' dinosaurs and never really asked for one, but I felt terrible.

Then it turned out that the kids' meals were supposed to come with ice cream but the restaurant had run out so they had yoghurt-type desserts instead - but the mums then felt they had to offer ice cream so on the way back to the tram we went to Haagen Daz and poor old DS1 had to sit there for about 20 minutes while all the others had ice cream. They do have a soy one but we attempted it once and he had a reaction (they use the same spoon for normal ice cream). I promised him a soy ice cream when he got home, but it was really hard on him and I just felt like such a failure somehow.

Yet I don't really know what I should have done differently - ask the restaurant for a free toy anyway? leave at the point everyone else had ice cream? (though we were supposed to be going back on tram with some of the friends) carry a stash of lollipops and an entire packet of biscuits with me just in case?!!

Sorry for the moan...

You are right, it is crap. But the best thing to do for your ds is be philosophic about it in front of him (then cry and beat your head against the wall in private).

Your friends are a bit insensitive, though. Did they not think it might be a bit 'rubbing your nose in it' to go to an ice cream parlor with him ffs

Fwiw, I don't see why every outing must equal tons of crap consumed but your right, it does seem to.

It sounds really crap ,your ds sounds like a star to cope with it all so well though you must be very proud of him.

I agree with WB that your friends were a little bit mean to insist on going for ice cream, I would also have explained the situation to the restaurant for a toy or offered to buy one they are usually quite good about things like that .

poor you . sounds like you planned really well and couldn't possibly have anticipated all the extras. the dinosaur bit really got me - i could so imagine ds1 (egg allergy) in the same situation being just as good and brave as your ds1!

i think i might have asked for a free toy on the basis that you as a group had obv spent a bit of money there. but i am quite bolshy at times!

the main thing that made me was that the other mums thought it was perfectly ok to take their kids to eat a treat that your ds1 couldn't have, when there was no alternative for him . that just seems mean of them.

i guess it's worth remembering that we are prob focusing on the food much more than the kids are. sounds like your ds1 will have had a lovely day going to the circus with his friends, not least because of all your forward planning. he sounds like a lovely boy btw - reminds me of my ds1 and if he's anything like him, he will understand and accept that he can't have certain things.

Thanks for your comments... I think another time I might ask for the toy (or ask to pay for one).

I was really really proud of him - he's 5 and he's very good with his allergy, but I was amazed tbh that he didn't complain. Except that on the way home his balloon burst and then he lost it!! but I think that was probably a product of the stress of the rest of it.

He has no idea I was upset about it, in fact I was probably more upset than he was!!

We live in France and I think people here are much less aware of allergies - say at birthday parties etc only 2 people have ever attempted to provide anything for him or even asked about it, I just send him along with his own box of cake and sweets. At school they'll do things like making crepes and I'll only find out the night before and then have to stay up late trying to make some for him (actually in that case I gave up in frustration when they didn't work and DH had to do it!).

oops, more moaning... it's not something I ever talk about but I think it gets to me more than I realise.

Its good to let it all out on here ,I often find myself typing about things I didn't even realise I was concerned about until they are on the screen in front of me .

Some people are very unaware of the impact allergies have on us ,my DD is allergic to pineapple which is a bit random lol ,but still a PITA .I had an issue a while back where the teacher was making them smell things and she gave her a whole chunk of pineapple to smell and handle ,not only was it dangerous to dd it was probbaly like torture as she loves pineapple .

it sounds like you are doing such a good job. shame that others don't/ won't understand. particularly at tales of schools not thinking about it, esp given all the publicity there has been recently for the serious effects of e.g. peanut allergy.