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Original poster

How to handle thoughtless comments about DDs excema.

22 replies

callmeovercautious · 15/05/2008 19:12

I bumped into someone I know in the Supermarket today. Our DC are the same age - 20m.

DD has excema on her face - as she often does. The Woman said as her greeting to us "ohh, what wrong? Is there something wrong with her?" She knows DD has allergies and excema. She has seen her often enough to know this. I found it rude tbh and the more I think about it the more upset I am getting. DD is going to have to deal with this her whole life so help me get some perspective please!

OP posts:
TheSweetLittleBunny · 15/05/2008 19:16

Tell her to f@@k off! How rude!

madeindevon2 · 15/05/2008 19:19

ive yet to come across this but dreading it.
only person to make insensitive comment was my brother (we dont get on too well anyway and he is know for his insensitive comments....)
i suppose you have to just brush it off.
but your DD might not have to deal with it all life? im hoping my ds will grow out of it...

ShyBaby · 15/05/2008 19:39

Oh try not to get upset. My neighbour's son had excema on his face and I chatted about it with her because I have excema too, as did my ds when he was younger. I was trying to recommend things to her that may help a bit.

I doubt she knew this when I first asked though...do you think she may just have been trying to help?

CrushWithEyeliner · 15/05/2008 19:41

Maybe she didn't mean it in a nasty way. DD has awful excema on her hands scarred by recent impetigo that does look bad. I just explain to whomever mentions it, although they have never said it in a nasty way - more genuinely concerned for DD.

brimfull · 15/05/2008 19:45

my ds had bad eczema at this age

He used to get stares ,I was so used to it I wondered what they were staring at.

A few comments from people who I think genuinely felt awful afterwards.I just used to explain it was eczema and leave it at that.

btw he has grown out of the facial eczema now,only has it on his arms and legs,so she may not have it on her face all her life.

UnderRated · 15/05/2008 19:46

People always do it. I've had "Ooo, what's WRONG with your eyes?" this week because my eyelids are red with excema

I think you need to a) develop a thick skin b) say, "Nothing is wrong, she has excema"

Original poster
callmeovercautious · 15/05/2008 20:18

I know you are all right. She is insensitive in general. The thing is that she knows us well. She is always a bit shocked that I still BF despite the fact I always explain I am doing it to ward off any further allergies etc.

I just think it is wrong to point out something so obvious when you know all there is to know already iyswim?

I would never ever comment on any other babies, one of the LO in our little social circle has quite severe flat head syndrome but none of us would ever start a discussion on it unless the Mother did first. The person in my OP brings it up all the time Perhaps she is just one of those people! I also once heard her say "ohh hasn't he got big ears?" about another LO

Perhaps she is just testing us all to see who will smack her first

OP posts:
Original poster
callmeovercautious · 15/05/2008 20:19

UnderRated - that is what DD has atm. We think it is an allergy to Pollen as antihistamine as really helped.

OP posts:
UnderRated · 15/05/2008 20:32

It's not nice, callme, so you both have my sympathy. I wonder if mine is pollen-related. It seems a bit better today.

I have no idea why people feel the need to comment on someone's appearance. I know it is often well meant, but it makes one feel even more self-concious than they already did.

chegirl · 15/05/2008 20:37

I had a teeshirt printed up for my LO who has very bad eczema.

Yes I know I have eczema
YES my mum has put something on it
NO it is not catching
NOW go away!

I would have put Now F**k off but thought that inappropriate for a 5 year old.

UnderRated · 15/05/2008 21:02

I think I need one

"Yes, I know my eyelids look red and yes, I am aware I look like Pete Doherty.
Yes, it hurts
Yes, I have some medicine for it
Please stop staring"

chegirl · 15/05/2008 21:06

Underrated,

my poor ol LO has very red eyes right now. this is a new and interesting development, any suggestions?

isaidno · 15/05/2008 21:09

My DS 9nearly 5) usually has bandaged hands - when people ask I say it's just excema. I try not to make a big thing of it.

misdee · 15/05/2008 21:10

oh poor you and poor dc's. i used to get this a lot with dd1. she had facial eczema and it al over really. i got asked if she had been burnt, i had old lady peer into the oram and recoil saying 'what have u done to her'

i used to cry so much.

UnderRated · 15/05/2008 21:15

People are so thoughtless.

I never had this as a child so I have no idea what causes uit but it is definitely aggravated by stress and sometimes by moisturisers and make-up.

I am smothered in hydrocortisone (which I hate using on my eyelids) or aveeno and Oil of Olay. And Vaseline. It feels horrible but helps.

I hope everyone's DC grow out of it.

UnderRated · 15/05/2008 21:17

Thankfully, my DS seems to only get it on his legs and his bottom

used2bthin · 15/05/2008 21:34

Oh I get this all the time, and my DD is also 20m so getting to the age when she will notice. Usually its just concern but I do get odd people who will go on and on about it. On a good day when her skins not too bad, some people will say oh lovely rosy cheeks and then I just don't bother to explain. O r they ask if she's teething and I just say yes!

chegirl · 15/05/2008 21:59

Its the well meaning ones that keep telling me how to cure it that do my head in! I know they are trying to be helpful but do they really think that a bag of oats are going to be the answer? If they were my son would not have eczema!!! The nasty ones are almost easier to deal with (if you are a common old fishwife like me). They say stuff like 'why do you let him get like that?', 'cant you put something on it?' Sod off. His teacher even asked me if I should cut his hair off!!! He has dreadlocks and I suppose she thought they were hidiously dirty and flea ridden (they are not!)
By the way - change of subject but I managed to get low rate of DLA for my son. It really helps to buy things like his special PJs and pay for washing machine repairs!

UnderRated · 15/05/2008 22:03

I had no idea you could get DLA for eczema. That's good - it is not a cheap thing to deal with.

Original poster
callmeovercautious · 16/05/2008 13:35

chegirl - I feel bad now as DDs is not that bad in comparrison. I am glad they have given you some financial support, cotton everthing and gloves and sheets etc cost a fortune.

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chegirl · 16/05/2008 21:59

Oh Callme, dont feel like that! All eczema is hidious. LO is not too bad at the moment although when I picked him up from school his little face was all red and he looked like he had a mask on!

I really hope he grows out of it because it will be horrible if he still has it as teen.

Original poster
callmeovercautious · 17/05/2008 20:51

Well I grew out of the worst of it but can still get it quite badly on my hands.

Like Misdees LO I used to get asked as a teenager if I had burnt my hands. The worst was when a boy I really liked asked me. I don't think he had ever looked at my hands before so after a few weeks of talking and teenage flirting he finally held my hand whilst we were skating around an ice rink, he kind of lost interest then . I suppose that is what I dread for DD. I don't really get it on my face now which is the most important.

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