MIL Allergy Rant - 2 years on and she still doesn't get it!

[kinderbobsleigh]

So, the MIL has accepted an invitation for us all to go and see some "old friends" of theirs out in the Country on 27th December for a BBQ.

I ask her to call the hostess and let her know that Bob and I can't have egg or peanuts, and that he is also allergic to latex (so no balloons or poinsettias in the house). She tells me that the hostess has requested that Bob and I bring our own food.

Okay so that's fair enough, after the xmas I could only eat potatoes and peas at their house, I know to bring food or starve. But I am cross that she seemed unable to risk offending the hostess by pointing out that anybody eating peanuts, partially cooked or raw egg and then handling or kissing Bob, or any balloons left around could be very bad news indeed, especially as they are a long way from the hospital.

I will ring hostess myself, but just can't get over how she would rather risk her Grandson's life than upset a woman she sees twice a year.

I agree with what's been said about calling the hostess - but also feel that your MIL should receive a swift kick up the 'jacksey'.

I have a nut allergy and (when we were speaking to each other)my own mother constantly bought me those crappy Ferrero Roche choccies (whatever they are called) - every opportunity (birthdays, christmas, etc, etc). It's not even as if they have hidden nuts , they are plastered all over the outside of the bloody things. She absolutely refused to see why I would get so frustrated and angry with her.

On the other hand - the woman who runs GS's carer and toddler group, who I've only met 4 times - turned up at a christmas party today with a stack of nut free fairy cakes from a supply that she had discovered - so that I could have a bun!!!

Some people are not worth the bother. It's just bloody annoying when they are close relatives and yet virtual sttrangers make an effort to care.

kinderbob - Like it...'not for me, bye bye'. What a sweetie!

No helpful advice but Bob is just the CUTEST name for a little boy! Hope your christmas goes well!

Why thank you morningpaper, it really suits him as he bobs through life being cheerful.

tatt - " Everyone has a right to life and if you asked someone if they would deliberately put a child's life at risk most would say no."

I agree! Most people are considerate. It is a minority.

"In very rare cases it has been known for someone to die despite having an epipen, although I don't think this has ever happened to a child."

I have a child with multiple allergies, chemical sensitivities, vaccine damage, and a whole other list for anyone is interested. I am also aware that people die as a direct result of allergic reactions. Thank you!

My point is that I think KBS would be better spending her time with Bob than by dwelling on her inconsiderate MIL or other people that have no care. Caring for children with severe allergies is difficult and stressful enough without additional problems caused by people who have nothing positive to contribute or do not wish to help create safe surroundings.

Trying to educate people (who are offensive and rude) is a waste of valuable time and as a mother of a child with severe allergies with aggressive offensive MIL I have found it is better to channel your energy into more rewarding activities and spend time with understanding friends and family members who enrich your life rather than those who oppose it.

Anyway, I am interested in finding out if KBS called the hostess?

Not yet, SIL arrived yesterday and she knows them very well so I thought I'd have a quick chat to her first.

KBS- Good luck, keep cool!

iwantthatone there was no need to be so aggresive. If everyone with an allergic child took the same approach we would not now have e.g. labelling regulations. Some of us have to campaign for improvements and that campaign includes educating other people. Others don't want to be bothered - pity but but no need to be rude to those whose efforts benefit you too.

We're back and all still alive. I will give an account soon.

Fully understand. I am allergic to pineapple and mushrooms. The standard phrases that people come up with are "but they are only little ones" or "you could take them out". They don't think of cooking with pineapple juice, or using it with rice salad or a myriad other things that can still make me very very ill. It's only those who have allergies or live with someone who does that understand them I think.

Okay dh and SIL are out at the movies, so I have a little time to write about their family without being sprung.

Hostess was nice if a little bemused and kept saying "I don't dress salads, apart from that one which has mayonnaise in it, and this one which has..."

MIL brought onion bargees (sp?), LOL at host trying to BBQ them. They had no ingredients listed (oh, they were Gluten free - not much use to me, but Ghosty could have brought her dd!) so I didn't eat them and didn't give them to ds. She was gutted as she had got the man in the shop to check. I politely explained that I couldn't go off 3rd hand information, and required the label to check myself.

I had a large supply of antihistamine and a fully charged mobile phone.

The actual BBQ was deadly boring with most people trying to get as far away from everyone else as possible. Watching my FIL trying to take ds's lawnmower off him (so the other kid could have a go, even though he wasn't interested) was just painful.

I was mortified when the hostess said to me "so you are still feeding Bob!" in front of everyone. I'm in no way ashamed of this, but just felt it was none of her damn business. I said "yes" in a "okay, now stop talking about it" sort of way. And she said "how clever". I just said "you keep using them, they keep working" and then she went on and on with questions about whether I was sure I was still making milk, and had Bob bitten me. So I went from the novelty allergic person, to the novelty breastfeeder. Thanks to MIL for that one!

Oh and their Son in Law had shorts on and shaved legs. So I spent the whole time trying to work out if he was a cyclist, a not very convincing female impersonator or a bodybuilder. Dissapointingly I was right the first time.