dairy and soy allergic 2yo - how to stop breastfeeding?

[twaseverthus666]

DS has just turned 2. He is a total boobmonster, wants to feed all day and night, gets hysterical if refused, particularly if in public places.
Because he is allergic to both dairy and soy he can't have cow's milk, and because I have not managed to get expressing to work since the imediate post-birth period, I've never managed to get him to take elemental formula (the reasoning here being it tastes utterly foul, and most people introduce it gradually, mixed with breastmilk). He is at risk of nutritional deficiencies if he stops bf altogether.

I really really want to stop breastfeeding. Happy to keep going at bedtime/wake up for a bit, but I no longer want to feed on (frequent) demand day and night. I have felt like this for about a year.

I've tried so many times to limit feeds in the day and night that I think I've made things much worse, because he is now anxious that I might refuse arbitrarily. All attempts at limiting feeds have resulted in days/nights of continual screaming from DS where he gets hysterically upset and cries because he can't remember why he's upset and doesn't know why he isn't being comforted with a breastfeed. 5 days in he is no more inclined to get the message than the first time I suggest something other than a breastfeed. Typically after a week or mroe of trying to limit, having to go home from things because DS is crying, getting no sleep at night, etc., I just thing "this is idiotic. He isn't ready and there's no point forcing it even if I hate it".

Inconsistency isn't doing anyone any good, so I either just grin and bear it for however long it takes, or I stop. But just stopping is likely to make life absolute hell for a long time.

This is partly motivated by visiting family for 5 weeks at Christmas where DS will be wanting to comfort feed because of all these strange people (and the strange people will be reacting like prudish idiots at the sight of a 2 year old breastfeeding or wanting to breastfeed, so it's going to be horrible for everyone).

Anyone got any advice?

Poor you, you sound utterly fed up. I don’t have any allergy specific advice, but I BF mine til 2 years. Then I showed my DC the various sore places from nips from the teeth etc and said it hurts and there’s no more now because you are big. Repeat every time and never give in. Just keep saying “there’s no more milk”. Do you have any support? Has your DC spent much time away from you? What do they do if you’re not there? At nursery? Do they drink water? If they can cope in a different environment then they can cope without BF with you too, but you have to be totally committed. You sound as though you’re very anxious about it all which is understable but probably communicating itself to your DC.

Thanks :-)

I'm not anxious so much as exhausted and fed up. Can't get DS into nursery because of allergy and sleep problems, so he is with me nearly all the time. DH is helpful when here but works very long hours and has to get a minimal chunk of sleep to be able to work/drive. So I co-sleep with DS at night and DH sleeps in our bedroom. No other support at all. We have started sessions with a babysitter but she is both expensive and a bit ...underwhelming... so not a good solution for frequent or long term care.

Allergy point is that DS' nutrition risks being inadequate if I give up altogether.

Lots of people don't drink milk so there must be an alternative source of nutrients. At age 2 can he not have alternative non dairy milks e.g. oat, almond?

Children over two years old

It is currently recommended that a hypoallergenic formula is continued until two years of age. However if dietary intake is adequate your dietitian may change this to an alternative milk after the age of one.

Ready-made soya, hemp, oat, coconut or other milk alternative may be used as a main milk drink after two years of age, but the choice may depend on your child’s nutritional status.

The Food Standards Agency does not recommend giving rice milk to children before they are four-and-half years old.

Always try to choose a brand that is fortified with calcium where possible. Note: Organic products do not always have added calcium. If the product is not fortified with calcium, it is likely that a calcium supplement will be required.

If you are unable to get your child to take any of the above milk substitutes, it is important to seek advice from a dietitian as it may be necessary to start a vitamin or mineral supplement

(From a BDA pdf leaflet)

Thanks dementedpixie.

DS is ok with oat milk but a very picky eater. I guess we just need specific dietetic help and probably supplements, if giving up bf altogether.

We are also dairy and soya free due to DS2, who is 1. Apart from BF, he drinks Oatly Barista (decent fat content). We were also recommended the Alpro Soya growing up milk if he were to successfully complete the soya ladder. He only has 2-3 BFs per day.

Both these options were suggested by the dietitian. Personally I'd keep a food diary for him and call your dietician for an appt to see what they say re. his diet and giving up BF.

Do you give him a multivitamin?

My kids didn’t have any other milk after weaning. Are nutritional deficiency risks particular to him?

Mine never had elemental and I stopped feeding at just under 12 months old. He is a thriving 6 year old now, above average height. Oat milk and koko and almond milk were our staples. At 2 your child is perfectly capable of a balanced diet, like every other 2 year old (most of which aren’t on formula).

Ps.... many more allergies in my ds too; major sleep problems until we identified them all (non Ige so won’t show up in ‘testing’). Lots of repetitive food but was nutritious. I batch cooked and he basically ate rice and sauce for 2 meals a day, and oats in some form for one meal.

I remember being in a similar situation with DS, now 6. This is probably not fabulous advice, but chocolate oatly was my friend. He eventually gave up bf at 2 yr 4 month. Soon after that, under dietician advice we got through the dairy and soya ladders quite quickly. He is on 91st centile at 6 and there is no evidence of nutritional deficiency.

I put nesquik in my sons Neocate and he would then drink 5-10 oz a day but it was sometimes a struggle

Thanks all. We've got a dietician appt booked, and are 3 days into "breastfeeding is only for bedtime now" - so even if he feeds all night, he isn't feeding all day. It's going relatively ok - have had a few times of very sad DS, but he seems to get the idea at least, even if it's hard to cope with sometimes.