Am I allowed to have a whinge on this board?

[EclecticDream]

Not sure if this board is appropriate for whinging but it's relevant.

I just posted about by 13 month old CMPA baby.

We went to DH's family for dinner today where lunch was pasta in cheese sauce. DH asked if it was dairy free cheese sauce and it wasn't so he said that DD can't eat it and he was told "but it's cooked". He said that she can't have it so she was served plain pasta and a banana for lunch.

Same at dinner with the Yorkshire puddings... "but it's only a little bit of milk and butter".

If it's too difficult to cater for her, tell us and I'll bring a meal along or don't invite us.

They are trying to prove that your DD’s CMPA is a figment of your imagination...

Can you print out some NHS leaflets and educate DH’s family?
Also make the consequences of feeding DD dairy very clear. Will they feed her dairy to prove she isn’t actually allergic?

Well you now know not to leave them alone with her until she is old enough to know what she can and can't eat. Unless they change their approach. I found it was just easier to bring our own.

Agree with Should definitely don’t leave them a,one with her and I’d be equally upset at being offered pasta and cheese sauce for Easter lunch! Are they heathens?

And yes, this is absolutely a place you can rant

They think CMPA gives her a bit of a runny bum and as she's in nappies it's not such a big issue.

They don't understand allergies at all. Our older child has ige and non- ige allergies which they minimise to a worrying extent.

We've attempted education but for many reasons they will never be trusted to care for the children on their own.

The pasta was for lunch before the main roast dinner (they like their food) ... but the pasta in cheese sauce was pretty damn shite and I love cheese.

At least with our DS we can produce epipens and people seem to take it seriously. People seem to view dairy as a made up allergy.

They sound like idiots Eclectic.

Who serves pasta and cheese sauce as a starter before a roast dinner? How weird. So weird that I’d definitely assume they were making a point. A really stupid and ill-advised point.

So insulting to your poor DC. I'd seriously say you're not going to eat there again until you see them acknowledge the allergies and either providing suitable food (which you double check before consumption), or admitting they can't provide suitable food, in which case you bring your own provisions. Time for your DH to put his foot down.

Luckily they live 300 miles away so we see them very infrequently... which makes being served crap pasta for lunch an even bigger insult after travelling so far!

When DS was being diagnosed with his allergies we kept getting "I've never heard of a fish allergy before" "I've never heard of oral allergy syndrome... it just sounds odd" "well, what are the chances of him being stung by a bee anyway".

Next time we see them, I'll bring food for DD anyway. Can you imagine how she'll feel when she realises her meals are hideous compared to everyone else's.. like she's not worth the effort/too awkward to cook her nice food.

I don't like doing the his parents/my parents thing but it's so different ... my parents search every supermarket and read every packet to get ingredients everyone can eat. If they absolutely have to make someone a different dinner, they make it into something special and personal.

Anyway.. at least we won't see them for a couple of months now!

People love to prove you wrong with regards to allergies. Some think it's all made up. My mum didn't believe I had oral allergy syndrome (didn't know what that was at the time), and refused to listen to my protestations as a child that certain foods made my lips tingle, then my throat itch - until now as an adult it's lips, tongue and throat swell up if I make a mistake.
I also can't eat gluten - diagnosed as an adult. I take my own food to certain places (not everywhere), as I know who will feed me properly, and who thinks (it's just a little bit, it won't hurt). Don't leave him alone with them until he can advocate for himself. They won't change their minds, and worse case scenario they'll feed him what they shouldn't in an attempt to "prove you wrong."
I feel for you both

Isn't it frustrating? Poor you. I had some issues with allergies at first - 'are you sure you can't have some, just a little..'? Erm, no, 'just a little' peanut to a peanut allergy sufferer is actually a big deal.

It usually comes down to a lack of understanding.

Rant definitely acceptable. Bring own food and keep repeating like a broken record ‘you need to educate yourselves about this, I will not have my child made ill by your stubborness’. Oh, and definitely get your DH to sing your parents praises from the rooftops to play the competetive in laws card (harder for you, obviously).

I would also bring really lovely food for the children and take over the kitchen making it. Make it a real treat time for them.

Yes, definitely take your own food in future. They might complain, but it’s not like they were willing to provide suitable food anyway. And it means you can be certain of what’s in it.

DS2 is in the process of being diagnosed with coeliac disease. After I told my mum, she sent me lots of texts about how she’d been checking out the free-from aisle in the supermarket and what kinds of gluten free possibilities she’d found. ExP’s mum did something similar. That’s how sensible people respond to a dietary issue.

Unimaginativeusername that's great. We've had support like that from some problem too.

‘you need to educate yourselves about this, I will not have my child made ill by your stubborness

I like this, I'll rehearse and repeat!

My parents are like your mum. They have really gone mad researching and finding every product in the world that's dairy free. My dad has got a magnifying glass permanently in the kitchen now for checking ingredients as DS has multiple allergies.

Their other grandparents are selfish and ignorant.