How food allergies impact siblings

[putpmec01]

I am not am mum. I am 13, and my brother has severe anyflaxia. He is 11. My brother is very spoilt because of his allergies. Boxes of chocolate that he can eat, so ‘ just for him ‘ are delivered to our house once a fortnight. We cannot go on holiday out of the Europe, because my Mum has to be able to speak the language, because of my brother’s allergies. We hardly ever go to restaurants, and when we do, we are hardly ever allowed to have dessert, because there is nothing that my brother can eat. When we do have dessert, my brother sulks and makes everyone feel bad that they are having dessert, which makes everyone have a bad experience. He also sulks if he can’t have chips, for example, because they may contain milk. I understand that this is frustrating for my brother, but whenever I try to tell my parents how I feel, they get really angry and upset.

It sounds hard for everyone. Hard for your brother, hard for your parents, hard for you.
At least for you it's not forever.

I do understand that a situation such as thing must be hard on you.

What would you have people change if you could?

I didn't want to read this and not respond.

I am a Mum. One child with multiple and complex allergies. One with no allergies (they are the fussy eater of course!!).

I have raised my child with allergies that making others feel bad is rude. We bend over backwards to accommodate her and she's knows this. We take her to specialist restaurants, take our own cheese etc.

Is it a severe milk allergy? When it's anaphylaxis it's a massive source of fear, not just for your brother but also all of you.

All of that said we work hard that neither child misses out and our daughter is used to having an alternative. But we do work hard to provide proper alternatives. I don't replace birthday cake or snacks with grapes.

Your parents should listen to how you feel your life is been run around your brother's allergies.

And we have translation cards from various allergy societies for holidays abroad.

Hello I just saw your post and thought I would come and sympathise with you. It must be very frustrating but unfortunately all family members impact on other family members as some time. Allergy or no allergy.

Have you had a think about what you would like to change and how this could be done. Maybe if you sit down and list your frustrations and come up with sensible solutions it might work. You could ask for a private chat with your mum and Dad. Schedule a time when your brother is at a friends so you can all have a calm discussion.

For example could your parents order the same amount of chocolate that is ‘just for you’ every 2 weeks?

Also I would agree with you about desert on holiday. Your brother can’t dictate what other people eat with his moods. Really he is going to have to learn to deal with it. He won’t get very far as a teenager or adult if he expects his mates or future girl/boy friend to miss pudding because he can’t have any. Your parents are setting him up to be a bit spoilt and stroppy if they do this and others won’t find him pleasant company. How about suggesting that they take some of the chocolate he can eat out to restaurants. They can call ahead and ask if there is a suitable pudding for him and if not ask if he can eat his chocolate. I think you should be able to eat what you want out to dinner as I imagine your suppers at home cater for your brothers allergies. Meaning dinner out is a chance for you to explore new tastes.

It’s tough for your brother. Try and sympathise and imagine how you would feel if it was you. But equally millions of people have allergies and food intolerances and don’t try and force their dietary requirements on those around them. He really does need to learn to accept it, and everyone will be happier.

Also bear in mind it must have been tough and scary for your parents, watching his diet so closely and with such horrible consequences if it went wrong. Parenting is tiring and they have probably done what they thought was easiest and safest. This is fine for a 3 and 5 year old. So maybe they just need reminding that you are both growing up and maybe it’s time to adjust the boundaries a little.

Good luck. Remember approach in a calm and considered way. Not in a strop.

Thanks. I will try this !!