Teacher gave dd milk chocolates

[Nummynums]

Hi,
Just wondering how/what you guys would feel if your child was given milk chocolates as a Xmas present by her class teacher despite knowing she is allergic to milk?

Not sure who deals with this stuff in the independent sector but in a state school I'd be informing the inclusion team of this discrimination. It'd also a safety concern.

Is there similar for independent schools?

Iora from the OP's most recent post it's clear this is part of an ongoing problem.

Obvious you've never faced discrimination no matter how inadvertent.

Ahh read your new post op, yes go talk to them. The once off gift thing would be fine as an accident but this is a really strange attitude for them to take.

Ofcourse if they tell me what she is cooking I will happily provide alternatives despite it being a fee paying school and they'll be providing the ingredients for all the other children yet here I am willing to bring in alternative ingredients so dd can get stuck in properly. It seems they don't want to communicate with me so I can help them out to protect my dd, but they would rather be left to get on with and put my dd in harms way unnecessarily. Accidents happen but this just seems like a risk from the outset.

Ha, you know little about me Bishop, your statement about it being so obvious is wrong.
If it was a one off thing, well...not ideal and I'd be unhappy, but I can see how it happens. This cooking thing though is bizarre from the school.

It's more than bizarre. It's discrimination and it's dangerous.

Thanks everyone. I am looking to complain to governors but do people do that if they are leaving the school. I don't plan to leave the school I just want them to put clear policies in place for allergies, their medical needs policy is very vague.

Although I keep reading even governors take the side of the teacher/school. I wish I could just pull her out and find a kinder school.

I wouldn't focus on the chocolates. I think that would have been an oversight. Harribo could well have offended the vegetarians, depending on type, so that doesn't solve all the problems either. Non food is the only way to go.

The baking, especially with your later comments that contact could be problematic sounds alarm bells. What reaction does your daughter have to dairy? Do you think she has been caught in the only nut allergies are serious, the rest are never fatal fallacy?

Does she have a care plan to reinforce alternatives are required for all activities where dairy is present, either for potential skin contact or ingestion?

Oh, and if you don't want people to get the wrong impression of you then don't post in a manner which suggests you are ignorant of the issue.

Bishop, I would never set out to cause upset to a child I work with, let alone one who is 'different' in any way, whether that is due to dietary requirements or any other reason. It was for that very reason that I changed from giving chocolate to giving a gift. This was still not good enough for one parent, hence my decision that next year I will save myself the time, money and effort of buying and wrapping 100 gifts and will just give cards. No doubt next year I will be considered mean because I don't give gifts. Hey ho.

It does sound like there is a fundamental issue with their allergy awareness. Our consultant at the hospital arranged for one of the allergy nurses to come to school to give training to staff members (though it is a local state school). Is it possible that yours could do similar?

As a minimum I'd point them in the direction of suitable baking recipes on the Vegan society website (so they are dairy free) and would longer term seriously consider moving schools if their allergy provision is not up to scratch. Allergies can be fatal and there is a very real issue with risk assessment if they allow allergic children to be exposed to allergens.

I would not be happy that they choose to cook something that causes problems for your child!

They seem to have a really poor attitude to your child's allergy. Very uncaring and unprofessional.

With a small class at a private school how do you manage to give chocolates with milk in them-potentially very dangerous.

No, that's actually sensible. Because in your case it was a parent complaining about a thoughtful gift with no real reason.

I fail to understand those who think that a 5 year old should have to be polite to people who consistently fail to appreciate her needs (as per the op's post about baking).

If you are paying hefty fees then they need to provide ingredients that are not going to hurt her. It's basic.

Vegetarianism is a lifestyle choice, allergy is a medical need. They are very different issues. I say this as a vegetarian of 27 years.

Tbh usually I would say, well it was probably a mix up and it was a kind gesture and with 30 kids mix ups occasionally are to he expected. however I know at Dds public schopl they take allergies seriously.

but tbh from what you have said, they are pretty thoughtless sounding and the baking thing would piss me off.

and your paying for this?

Even if the OP wasn't paying fees they have an obligation to include her DD and it's not exactly challenging to make the class bake vegan products - unless they contain nuts which could be problematic to other children.

I look after a child who can't have any gluten so when we do baking all the children cook with gluten free flour. Baking dairy free is simple so I can't see why they can't do that.

Exactly (ds2 is allergic to those too), but his teacher still makes a special effort to contact me and check potential recipes over. The extra effort is very much appreciated and all the class are aware now of allergies.

My DD had a friend who was allergic to dairy (amongst many other things). When dd had a bday party I got swedish glacé vegan ice cream for all the kids so she didn't feel different. Food allergies of children in my care make me really anxious and super - vigilant, and I find it odd that a teacher wouldn't have your dd's allergies in mind when buying gifts. Having said that, I agree with pp who said that this could have been played down along the lines of 'silly teacher forgetting, let's get you some sweets'. Being lax when doing baking etc in class is an entirely different matter, particularly if you're paying for a more individualised education!

People give me smellies all the time forgetting I can't use them. I say thank you and then we move on. Teacher tried to do a nice thing and you're being ott. Teacher could have been more thoughtful but she perhaps had family to buy for and lessons to teach so made an error.
When planning lessons then yes your dd's allergy should be taken into account but this is above and beyond what she has to do. If this was my dd I'd just say "oh dear mrs x must have got muddled, how about we wrap them up and give them to grandma as she'd love them and you can choose some safe sweets in the shop." There we go, sorted and no drama.

It was thoughtless.

I can see how the teacher forgot at the end of term, but having made a mistake I would expect an apology and reassurance it wouldn't happen again.

"There are baking sessions planned next week and the head said her needs are taken into account as she will be mixing and weighing but not tasting. She has forgotten that even skin contact can cause a reaction depending on the amount. And she has told me dd will be taking whatever she makes home even if she can't eat it. And if I have a problem with that I should say so but it would be a backward step in dd's education if she can't cook and take home the produce she can't eat. They seem unapologetic and will not admit a mistake was made. They insist it was perfectly OK to give her chocolates despite being "fully aware" of her allergies."

I have this exact problem with ds. He is touch anaphalaxic to milk. His teacher has said that he will be doing the chocolate making experiment in class. Totally forgetting that this is full blown allergy and not an intollerance like the other kids in the class. School insist that he will be fine handling the milk. I have lodged a complaint and made sure this term there is a backup plan for emergencies. I am not happy with this complete lack of understanding about allergies. Nor the impact psychologically of giving a child milk product when the parents have offered an alternative milk free version which the teachers would not have to pay for. Incidentally other teachers in the school didn't seem to have a problem with using this alternative. In some respects I hope that ds has a reaction and scares the shit out of then and hopefully knocking some sense into them. Which is a horrible thing to say as I never ever want ds to have to go through those kinds of reactions again. But I doubt the school and teacher will not learn unless they have to deal with it for themselves. :(

This isn't just about the present though. It is about the attitude to the allergy. the baking post from the OP shows that the school has no grasp of the allergy and there is actually the potential for harm. Some 5 year olds would accept that if the teacher had given it to them than it must be ok and may well have eaten it. No all 5year olds are mature enough to take responsibility for their allergies.

I know I can't believe we are paying for this. just feel really stuck. Her allergies are not as bad as they used to be, in the care plan we just listed how she reacts and what to do in emergency. It just seemed so promising at the start I didn't think we would run into such unecessary problems. I'm more concerned about sending any other kids who could potentially have worse allergies. Nuts are banned and whilst we don't expect staple foods to be banned we did hope alternatives would be provided. I'm more concerned of sending our other kids here (ttc) who could have worse reactions. Don't really know what to do :(