Parties and little ones with allergies

[feesh]

One of my 12 month-old twins has a dairy allergy. It's not serious, but he will get delayed gastrointestinal problems if he has any dairy. He is on Neocate and a dairy-free diet.

The problem I am having is at parties. With twins, it is extremely difficult to keep a close on both of them in any situation. They are both crawling/just starting to walk. This may be a post more appropriate to the multiples board rather than the allergies board, to be honest!

We went to a 1st birthday party last week and it was impossible to confine them. We live abroad, and the villa the party was in was very open plan and the patio doors leading to the garden were open too. Everywhere was child-safe, but I had trouble keeping an eye on both my monkeys - one was in the lounge and one was in the garden for most of the time! All the other mums, none of whom I knew, just had one baby and they don't really tend to understand what it's like trying to manage twins and therefore don't offer much help, so I felt very stressed for the whole party (hanging out with other twin mums is usually much easier, as we all keep an eye out for each other).

People at parties tend to leave plates lying around within grabbing reach and I had a nightmare trying to stop my boy from grabbing food.

How do you cope when there is food lying around? I am thinking I will have to turn down any weekday party invites from now on, as I just couldn't cope with controlling what went into my little boy's mouth and keeping an eye on his sister at the same time. And when they get older, how do you cope with having to say no all the time when all their friends are eating cake/sandwiches etc.

That does sound really tricky.

But this stage, where they have no idea of danger and you can't tell them no, doesn't last too long. All kids are different, but by the time my daughter was about 18 months she knew not to eat anything withy asking. You need to be really consistent and vigilant about saying no until then.

In the meantime I don't think it is unreasonable to ask your friends to keep other food out of reach. My older daughter is allergic to dairy - I think I have been v lucky cos most of my friends who have had birthday parties have had all dairy-free food to make it easier for her. (It helps that some of their kids are also allergic, plus I don't have that many friends so it hasn't come up too often!). My younger daughter is allergic to lots of things. She is just one, like your son, and there is no telling her what to do yet. We have been to Xmas parties etc recently and we go to playgroup where there are lots of snacks around that she could easily get her hands on. I think I probably never take my eyes off her, but it has become second nature so I don't notice I am doing it.

I think you shouldn't avoid parties, but maybe bring someone along to help you keep an eye on both kids, or ask all yr friends at the party to help. If you explain your concerns I'm sure they will understand and be keen to help. Maybe ask whoever is in charge of the get together to ask everyone to keep their plates out of reach, and to get the kids to sit at the table to eat?

As for saying no all the time - I just bring a bag full of goodies that they CAN eat and swap it with what other kids are eating. My older daughter knows that some things make her tummy sore, so she doesn't want to eat them anyway. I don't make a big deal of it and she certainly doesn't seem to feel hard done by.

I totally feel your pain. I have 2 1/2 yo twins who are allergic to dairy and egg, and one is also allergic to soya and peanuts too.

My way of coping was to be totally up front about the allergies so people can help as much as possible, for example our Childrens Centre were happy to swap to dairy free spread and soya free bread at the sessions I regularly attended (they serve toast).

At parties I always bring my own food and watch them like a hawk when they're eating. Sit down meals are easier to manage than buffet types. I carry Piriton everywhere I go as that helps mine - they have more immediate, IgE type reactions, but several of our 'accidents' have happened at parties as it's so hard to avoid the 'bad' foods.

It is a minefield and there are no magic answers but talking about the problem seems to help the most.

Yes, don't be afraid to enlist the help of every other adult in the room. It can be a nightmare with a crawling baby and plates of food everywhere on the floor etc.

I only had one baby to watch, and can barely begin to imagine the stress of trying to keep an eye on two at the same time.

I have always found it easier for all concerned to take our own food to parties. It saves you checking ingredients, avoids the hostess worrying (or failing to invite you), ensures that your dc s have something festive to eat and is simple for very little ones to understand that they only eat what is in their own special bag of treats.

In situations like this, I have always found other mums to be very helpful - although I have had to go through a lot of conversations about allergies, "how do you cope?" etc.

It gets easier as they get older.