Does anybody else dread their allergic child coming home with a party invitation.

[mell2]

Or is it just me? ds2 has 2 next week and my stomach sinks. It doesn't seem to matter how i explain to the parents about epipens and how serious it is - they just don't seem to get it

He's 10 so he won't let me stay

I don't yet know whether ds2 is allergic - he's being tested - but even if he is it's likely to be an intolerance than a full anaphylaxis-type allergy. I can only imagine how difficult and worrying it is - you have my sympathy I suppose you can only hope he'll know what not to eat?

What I dread more, tbh, is the parents being nice and trying to find/cook something safe that DS could havve for my ungrateful DS to refuse eating it .

Although I apreciate people taking the trouble to get something DS can have I feel rude at having to double check the ingrdients list but... if it took me a few weeks to learn all the guises of DS's allergens... can not expect a good intentioned person to get it right on the first time. I swear I'm not ungrateful... just realistic.

And understand people don't take the allergies seriously, a friend of mine that is fully aware of DS's allergies saga, came in one day with a box of chocolate covered nuts for the children to have! what was on her mind when she did that I'll never know, but I felt, again, rude at not serving them during the party

my dd1 attends kindy and an sn kindy and so there are a number of children with not only food allergies but food restrictions. I always ask if there is anything in particular they like to eat - maybe only have now - but am so aware of food issues - hope I am not being insensitive when I ask the parents for ideas. Chandra if I had made something and your ds did not eat it - oh well you get that. I wouldn't worry - know how picky my dds can be - one day they love something the next day - they ahte it.

FWIW I would do the same food for everyone.

we had a party recently for 10 yr old dd. as we were about to do the cake - and after the 'dinner' one party guest gave me a bag full of epi pens and told me if she went into anaphalactic(sp) shock I should stick her with the pen and call 911. she is allergic to dairy, eggs, fish and nuts and the parents hadn't said onr word to me when accepting the invite or is it me...?

apronstrings! I would have had St John's on standby.

Chandra & mell2. This is so tough isn't it? I suppose there's no chance of them taking their own lunch? Does that make them feel left out?

I would always try to provide for an allergic child at DDs birthday and wouldn't be offended if the mum vetoed it or the child rejected it.

Whenever I pick DD up from nursery and give her a snack I'll always check with the staff if she offers a bit to another toddler.

I normally take a cake for him, he is starting to feel diferent and to be more concious about his allergies which makes me sad but in a way show that he is learning to cope with them.

Apronstrings, don't know what to say really, my DS is just 3, so no idea how thigs work for an older child

Apronstrings - it's one thing a parent of a non allergic child not realising how serious it can be - but a parent of an allergic child not mentioning it!!

I was scared witless when a nut alergic child came to DS2s party recently. My first "proper" (ie epipen) allergic child. He survived

I always put on the invitation to tell me of special dietary needs/allergies.

yes. dd1 has an invite to a rollerskating party, then macdonalds then cakes back at party girls house. after her bad reaction last week i am very very nervous. will pack inhaler, piriton, list of additives to avoid, her 'safe' foods from macdonalds, and my all important mobile number.

My brother - at 10 (and in fact for a couple of years now) knows which foods to avoid and what to do, he would take a party pack up if he wasn't sure about the food (ie McD's or something) and all parents are very accomodating, although they are told before hand of course.

I would expect most children at this age to be able to cope pretty well - after all it is their way of life!

I agree SecurMummy, my ds2 (just turned 10) is also very sensible but I believe no-one will take as much care reading labels as the parents do - it is very time consuming. You can never take anything for granted. He knows to check everthing when eating out but he does sometimes think "oh i've had that before". He eats shortcake biscuits and my dh came home with a supermarkets own brand and they contained peanut! No other make does, so my ds2 would of thought they were safe.

I think it actually gets harder as they becomer older and more independent. The paediatric allergist has said they will do skin prick tests again at 13. Not because he may of grown out of his allergies but to reinforce to him how allergic he is. In her words "they become careless and take chances when they get older and need reminding".

ds's diet is increasingly restrictive, though thankfully the only real allergy as such is kiwi which is rare. For his birthday we will take abunch of kids tot he cinema and provide popcron / drinks as easy and safe but always at al loss what to fo for kids aprties . I suppose it's almost good he doesn't get ivited to very many (as AS kids tend not to)

I'm one of the parents of a seriously allergic child who doesn't always tell other parents before a party. There are a number of reasons for this. The most important is that as your children get older you need to teach them to manage their allergy themselves - so they should call. But they won't - so they risk having nothing they can eat. That encourages them to make a call another time. Another reason is that most parents panic and your child gets invited out less often. If the child has been once, survived and maybe even found some food they can eat hopefully the parent doesn't panic next time.

I always give mine something to eat before they go and/ or a snack in their epipen bag so they aren't actually starving, they just may not get treats.

At primary school age I always told the parents, stopped once I was sure my child could be trusted not to eat the wrong thing. Of course this does mean some parents know but they still forget unless reminded. My biggest problem now is getting my child to take their epipen to the school canteen. They treat that as "safe" and forget the cross contamination risk. Fortunately there is a spare epipen kept not too far away.