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Allergies and intolerances

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Original poster

How can I instil importance of avoiding allergens to my parents?

19 replies

gretagrape · 03/10/2013 16:20

Hi. I'm sure I'm not unique but even though I'm almost middle aged my parents still treat me like their baby and will not often take advice from me even if I know more about the subject.

They will be looking after our son for 1 day a week when I go back to work and I need to try and make them understand the importance/seriousness of his allergies without it sounding patronising and risking it being ignored.

Example: I've already explained to them that he is allergic to dairy, egg and peanuts and we have just started weaning. When they visited us, my Dad had some apple on top of yoghurt and picked a piece off the yoghurt and went to hand it to him. When I said that he can't have that as it's got yoghurt on it he looked at me as though I was mad and said "well only a tiny bit".

I just get this feeling all the time that they think allergies are not that serious, as though he might just get a bit of a tummy ache, and that there's no need to 'go overboard' about it.

Any advice about how to tackle this would be greatly appreciated - I want them to look after him for a day as much for their happiness as his, but I need them to actually realise that their daughter is talking sense to them and they have to listen!

OP posts:

HavantGuard · 03/10/2013 16:22

I would be finding alternative child care.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 03/10/2013 16:27

I wouldn't risk it tbh

Tommy · 03/10/2013 16:33

I would get some information from the GP or dietician who whoever it is that deals with your son's allergies and tell them that you need to sit down and have a serious talk with them about it. Just the 3 of you (or with your DH but not the child there) and go though each written piece of advice. Then it's not you just being fussy, it's the medical professional telling them

Original poster

gretagrape · 03/10/2013 17:28

I can see why it's been suggested but having a knee-jerk reaction and not letting them take him doesn't really solve the problem as obviously he's going to grow up around them so I need to be able to actually educate them and get them on board so we can feel confident every time they are around him.

Tommy that sounds like a plan - they'll always take 'official' advice, even if I told them the same thing a month earlier and they ignored it, so I'll try to get some leaflets/printouts and sit down with them.

Thanks.

OP posts:

babybarrister · 03/10/2013 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

gretagrape · 04/10/2013 07:30

I think part of the problem is that we ourselves have been given no information whatsoever - we had the skin-prick tests done last week that confirmed the allergies and were just told to avoid those substances and sent away until our next appointment in May. Dietician was useless as we saw her before the diagnosis so most of what she said is now irrelevant.

So I'll need to get a load of stuff printed from the NHS website and the one suggested by bb.

OP posts:

Pollydon · 04/10/2013 07:35

I second babybareister, I got as much literature as I could get my hands on and went through it in detail with them.
SMIL took it all on board , FIL on the other hand ............

oohdaddypig · 04/10/2013 07:45

I find older men are crap with food allergies. Actually, with many child safety issues in general. I can't work out why but it seems to be a generational thing I.e. they didnt do much childcare when their kids were very little so don't really get it. I have lost count of the times my father in law - a clever, responsible man - leaves stairgates open, tools out, medicines.

What is your mum like? Could you get her fully on board first and then make sure she gets her husband in the picture? Explain to her exactly what she has to do if he does ingest these foods, epi-pens etc?

I agree you want to get your parents sorted on this as the one on one time they spend will be so valuable for them all.

Bumply · 04/10/2013 08:09

My son is coeliac so needs to be gluten free. Grandma still gets stuck on us being veggie (which we stopped a few years back) and still makes mistakes in buying veggie food which isn't gf.
With gluten he doesn't have any immediate reaction, but I've heard some people explain it like radioactivity. With a low level you wouldn't show any symptoms, but you wouldn't feed your child anything radioactive because it would build up and you wouldn't know at what point it was becoming harmful, so avoiding any cross contamination is the thing to aim for.

SleepyFish · 04/10/2013 08:20

Not a generational thing. My dad looks after all his grandchildren most of whom have allergies and he's perfectly capable of understanding and catering for their needs. He's also very safety concious, more so than the parents.
OP, you just have to give them all the info and make sure they understand what will happen if they expose you ds to these allergens.
Obviously some allergies are more severe than others, for example ds used to have an egg allergy that resulted in a rash whilst his cousin has a very serious allergy to nuts which resulted in him being rushed to hospital last week when his nursery gave him horsechesnuts to play with, his face swelled up like a baloon and he needed adrenaline.
If your ds has more serious allergies I would recommend an epipen.

Original poster

gretagrape · 04/10/2013 08:37

I think we need to go to the GP/back to the hospital anyway as we have no idea how serious the allergies are - he's not had exposure to any of them apart from through breast milk so we only have the skin-prick tests to go on.

Thanks for all the advice - I spoke to my husband last night and he thinks it will be better if we both sit down with them and go through it all in detail as I don't want it to become an issue down the line and potentially jeopardise our relationship.

OP posts:

claraschu · 04/10/2013 08:45

There is lactose intolerance and then there is and there is milk allergy (which can kill you). How do the tests work? Can the doctor tell you exactly what your son's reaction to each food is likely to be?

Original poster

gretagrape · 05/10/2013 07:34

The tests were just basic skin-prick tests - a small amount of each substance is put onto the arm then the skin pricked and if a bump appears then it's classed as an allergy.
There wasn't any advice about how serious the allergies are, we were just to avoid them. I suppose it would be difficult for them to gauge his reaction because he's never actually ingested any of them himself yet, but at the moment we have no idea if we could be facing a bit of eczema or full-blown anaphalactic (no idea on spelling, it's early!) shock.
I guess with my parents we just have to spell out the worst case scenario.

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 05/10/2013 07:40

I wouldn't do it at all.
If he has any anaphylaxis risk at all, then they are not suitable to look after him if they dismiss his allergies.

There was a thread on here a few months ago about ILs who gave a 3yo with nut allergy (anaphylactic) a walnut whip because they "didn't believe in allergies" - poor child ended up hospitalised.

If they can't be brought to understand the potential dangers then they're not fit to have charge of him.

melonribena · 05/10/2013 14:08

Greta, my ds is allergic to egg and milk and is looked after each set of grandparents a day a week.

They are not confident with making sure his food is suitable and forget to check labels etc.

However, they are so keen to look after him and he enjoys his days so much that to combat this, I prepare all his food in advance for them. I write it all down and make like a packed lunch and then two snacks. If something needs keeping in the fridge I label it clearly.

It's a lot of work but it does work for us!

AnxiousMummyAnxiousDD · 06/10/2013 15:31

I know this won't help but my parents didn't take it seriously until we had a reaction happen in front of them at their house. They were genuinely scared by the speed and severity of it, they listen to me now and actively check ingredients when they never did before.

freefrommum · 06/10/2013 19:14

There is no way of knowing how bad an allergic reaction may be no matter what tests they do so you have to assume that it will be serious. I would definitely recommend looking at info on Anaphylaxis Campaign website. It is often a generation thing as many older people think "we didn't have allergies when I was young". You need to make sure they understand that it could be life threatening, hopefully it won't but it is a a possibility. I'm sure they wouldn't want to be be responsible for putting your child in hospital. You need to feel sure that they are taking it seriously.

Original poster

gretagrape · 06/10/2013 19:45

Thanks all, there's some really good advice here. I'll spend some time on the recommended websites and then we'll sit down with them - this weekend has flown by way too quickly so not had a chance yet.

Thanks.x

OP posts:

looseleaf · 08/10/2013 14:55

With me I'm afraid it didn't get better until DM gave DD something with flour on (she's strongly wheat intolerant) and ever since witnessing her reaction (and afterwards telling me she thought a little bit would be ok) she's now fantastic at keeping an eye on my dad who just doesn't think about it.

Not much help but I think an honest discussion about how you feel ie a bit worried and why - eg saying you never realised yourself how much a food could matter to an allergic child and what her reaction can be to even a small amount!

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