Going to parties and dairy intolerance

[Pancakeflipper]

My 3yr old is dairy intolerant. Slightest little bit and he vomits and has runny bum for 10 days. Skin erupts and he is a sad sorry mess.

Got a party invite today. It's at a play centre place. He cannot wait to go. I am going to phone the parent to say he'd love to go but.......

Any handy tips on what to say regarding the food issue? I am happy to take his food and let him eat anything that's dairy-free when there. But don't want to sound like a nightmare fussy parent.

How do you handle these situations?

Don't worry about sounding like nightmare fussy parent, just take along something he can eat & will see as a treat, so he doesn't feel left out & explain to the host how ill his dairy allergy makes him, so hope she doesn't think you rude for turning up with his own food.

you are doing whats right for your DS, if others can't see that, thats THEIR problem & those sorts aren't worth worrying about, you just remember that & just carry on as you need to & smile :)

My own DD has had pretty nasty intolerances to food additives & lactose, so I have been in that situation many a time, mostly people have been very understanding - I've just ignored the ones who aren't

Oh gawd, there are parents who tut and pull cat bums faces aren't there? Oh well, I shall entertain them as I check out the jammie dodgers.

Depending on the venue - and how much you feel you can trust them
to get it right, they should be able to provide allergy friendly food if they know in advance. You could offer to talk to them yourself so the birthday child's parent doesn't have any extra hassle... which will give you a chance to speak to someone in the kitchen and suss out whether they sound like they've got their head around what catering for children with allergies means! In my experience, with detailed instructions and questions, DS has ocasionally been able to have food from the venue like everyone else, albeit little sad things like ham and jam sandwiches with no marg, and jelly or fruit salad for pudding. That said, we mostly used to take his food from home which he didn't mind, and I might take some just in case you have any worries about what comes out on the day. Whereas I would never expect a parent to prepare separate food or know how to do it safely, I'm quite happy to demand that professional caterers do... and they have had pretty snotty clear feedback from me when they've not come up to scratch. You shouldn't be able to cater for children if you don't know about doing it safely IMHO! That said, many don't and if in doubt a packed lunch from home is the only way forward. Nobody should have a problem with that - and if they do... I'll leave that unfinished as being up at 3am with a baby isn't the time to think of polite responses ;-) Hope your LO has lots of fun!

.. should say obviously it also depends on allergy severity and how likely cross contamination is to be a problem... I'd assume it's a certainty in most party kitchens :-( I'd want to be very reassured by whoever I speak to (rare thing!) before I let them loose on DC's food!

Most soft play places will be more than happy to let you read the packets, some even have a special book.

I used to try and find out what they were going to be having (from the venue rather than the parents) and try to bring similar things.

Take something you can use as a swap for whatever is in the party bag just in case.

If you are going to use any food from the venue, it's well worth calling to check in advance - that way they are more likely to have packets ready for you to check.

Like Maz, I don't expect other parents to cater for my DS (and would not feel safe doing so unless I know them very well), but I do think it is fair enough to want a professional caterer to provide something appropriate.

Take plenty of treats just in case the caterers do not come up to scratch. If you can, make food that is similar to what other children will be eating. In particular, I have found that it's good to have something special for my DS to eat when the birthday cake comes out (usually a fairy cake that we have decorated together at home).

I didn't think of phoning the venue.... Handy tip for future use. And of course I need to get party bag substitutes for DS2.

Not phoned the mum yet, too late tonight. Must do it tomorrow.

Oh gawd, there are parents who tut and pull cat bums faces aren't there? Oh well, I shall entertain them as I check out the jammie dodgers

Yes, though to be honest I've never had a problem with parents of an actual party that DD was invited too, I've been lucky that DD has always been sensible, knew what she could safely eat & as an early talker could tell parents herself - & usually had before I ever needed too - which made things a bit easier :)

I did however have problems early on with DDs own parties, small gaggle of parents openly bitching about the healthy & intolerance safe food that was on offer to ALL the DCs & poor DD & how silly of me to think DCs would want that healthy rubbish for a party - it was DDs party after all.

Got to admit I had to stifle a wry smile when the same Mum who was the ring leader came to me a couple of years down the line for advice on safe foods etc, having found out her DC was SN & badly effected by additives not her DC having SN of course, but having to ask me for help re diet was certainly Karma :)

Biggest problem I've hit has been the School meals service - was great for years, but new supplier & cook just didn't get Lactose intolerance & kept making DD ill - or then going the other way & not let her have anything - even forcing a meat dish on her one time as it was the only "dairy free" meal available - she's vegetarian & even though she didn't eat the meat, she was deeply upset - so I gave up with School meals

Though we've had a break through of late & along with realising her Asthma inhaler (steriods) was making it all worse, she's actually growing out of a lot of it & can eat loads more than she used to without any problem :)

ds2 was intolerant to cows milk produce.
i used to tell the host and take food. i didnt want to think i was rude by refusing food

2 of my dc are vegetarian and same goes, i warn and offer to take food.

I think school dinners will deffo be a no no. His nursery do pretty well. Was one slip-up and they had to deal with the exploding bottom. Thankfully his main carer is coeliac so totally gets it.

Pancake - depending on the SM provider you might actually be okay with SM - after a few problems with the new cook ignoring dietary form, ours DO now seem to understand dairy intolerance really well, they just don't get lactose intolerance - which has meant they've insisted DD can't have ANY dairy at all - that with a vegetarian & additive free diet has meant at times they have nothing they see as suitable to give her - they did, they just wouldn't give it too her - TBH I think its a bit of a 2 fingers up by the Cook at me & a couple of other parents I know who made written complaints after our DCs were made ill & missed school as a result

If it were just dairy though I think SM would be fine

It's milk protein and lactose. Ok with Soya as long as he doesn't have too much so we use oat milk.

The people who do the dinners are actually ok but I think I might save myself hassle and just do packed lunches