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Allergies and intolerances

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Letting allergic child stay with grandparents...?

7 replies

Schulte · 23/07/2012 13:09

DD2 is only just 3 and is slowly growing out of her eczema and egg allergy, but she has tested positive to peanuts and carries epipens. I have never left her on her own at parties or play dates, and although she goes to nursery the staff there have been thoroughly briefed about how to manage a reaction, and of course the nursery is a nut free zone. Now MIL is putting pressure on me to let her have my DDs for a few days during the school holidays. I don't feel happy about this, happy enough for DD1 to go (she's 5 and no known allergies or health problems) but DD2 is an entirely different story. Having experienced MIL's idea of food hygiene in the past and knowing that she tends to buy artisan breads and baked goods from farm shops etc that aren't properly labelled, I don't think she'd be capable of keeping DD2 100% safe. A few months ago, she bought egg free custard especially to make a trifle DD2 would be able to eat, but then she was planning to put normal sponge cake in it - never thought as far as 'cake contains eggs'! Doesn't instil much confidence in me. And even without the whole allergy malarky, I feel 3 is way too young to be sent off to stay with grandparents who live 4 hours drive away and who you don't see more than about 6 times a year? AIBU?

OP posts:
MegMogAndOwl · 23/07/2012 21:30

I've got a similar dilemma, dd is 11 months and ILs are wanting to have her to stay. She's allergic to egg and milk although she doesn't need an epipen.

I don't think they understand that she could react by just touching something. Six weeks after her first reaction they brought her an Easter egg- she was only 7 months then too! Hmm

When we went for allergy testing they were really dismissive, like it was only minor. I thought I was being a bit over protective but dp feels the same. I know dd's allergies are no where near as severe as others but their lack of concern worries me.

Mind you my dm isn't much better!

I do leave her with a cm but she is much more clued up about allergies, and I worry about preschool in the future but she may well have grown out of her allergies by then.

I know your MIL is a long way from where you live so do you go up to visit for a few days at a time? Maybe you could go out and leave her for a short time next time you are there and leave very detailed instructions. Maybe say she can only eat pre-agreed food, and go armed with info sheets.

Or you could be blunt and just say that there's no way you'd leave her unless she can prove she is trustworthy- that's what I feel like saying Grin

Sorry for ranting :)

Maggieny · 23/07/2012 21:50

Not at all... It is your job to keep your child safe... I've got the same situation with my 4 year old - I don't care what anyone thinks - until I know she is safe and people really understand the seriousness - she doesn't stay on her own...
:-)

greenbananas · 23/07/2012 22:45

even without the whole allergy malarky, I feel 3 is way too young to be sent off to stay with grandparents who live 4 hours drive away and who you don't see more than about 6 times a year

I agree with that - maybe I am an over-protective parent but I think that 3 is very young for your DD to be left alone with in-laws that she doesn't know very well. In your situation, there is no way that I would send her, especially given the mistake about the trifle.

My in-laws wanted to have DS on his own when he was younger, but we didn't let this happen, and now that they are more aware of the challenges posed by his various allergies they are less keen to have him without me or DH there as well. I'm confident that MIL could cope in an emergency, and she knows how to use the epipen, but I would certainly not leave DS overnight (he is nearly 4).

As maggieny says, it is your job to keep your child safe. It's hard upsetting your family, but sometimes this just has to be done as tactfully as possible.

Likeaninjanow · 24/07/2012 12:54

My DS2 is 4 and has stayed with both sets of grandparents overnight from a fairly young age. However, they have a very close relationship with him and they all take allergies extremely seriously. Everything is checked when bought and then checked again before it is given to him. If there are any uncertainties, I also check the food. If the are struck with any concerns they phone me before giving him anything.

If they were not this vigilant then no, he would not be able to stay with them for any period of time without me (or DH), nevermind overnight. I would not allow her to stay if I were you.

exexpat · 24/07/2012 12:58

Maybe just let DD1 go and say it will be nice for her to have some special big-girl, granny & granddaughter time, and wait till next year for DD2?

Lawabidingmama · 26/07/2012 08:44

You are soooo not being unreasonable! Regardless of allergies I agree 3 is very young to stay with gps so far from home. My DD1 is 2.4 and only stays out in emergencies ie birth of DD2 -courteeners concert- she's only stayed out about 5 times in her life always with my DM never with PIL both sets live 5 mins drive away but I still feel anxious when she's not with me! Given what you've said about the allergies I def wouldn't let her go

Schulte · 30/07/2012 16:27

Thank you so much ladies, DH seemed to think I was crazy. I will stick to my guns Smile

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