Getting depressed about my DD's allergies :( Anyone else?

[mumat39]

I'm sort of ashamed of this, but I do find myself getting all bitter and twisted over allergies. Summer holidays have started and I overheard some of the mums planning days out. We hadn't been invited which is fine but even if we were it would be me and 2 DC and loads of bags of food and snacks and alot of planning in advance which takes the fun out of it for me. After school yesterday the kids came out eating cakes and DD was the only one who wasn't. I try and make light of it but I do feel like it's getting me down.

DD has her annual appointment coming up in August and this is the first time in 4 years that I'm not assuming that there has been an improvement. The last appt was a year ago and the letter we received after that stated that she wasn't showing any signs of outgrowing her long list of allergies. The previous appts, I was convinced that she would have grown out of something as we'd been told by age 2, then by age 3, then definitely by age 4. But if anything, the list has grown along with my anxiety.

DD is lovely and gets on with things as she doesn't know any different which is great but she even said the other day that she is 'cross with me because she has allergies'. I feel cross with me too :(

Does anyone else feel like this?

Mumat39 yes I often feel like this about my dd's allergies. She is only two at the moment and I still hope they will improve, but sometimes I feel very low and tearful about them. My dd is happy and healthy otherwise and we have adapted well I think but it doesn't stop the constant worry I feel...if she is with anyone else I am on edge constantly. I often wonder if parents with non allergic children worry as much, but just about different things? I often get into a panic thinking about it...she needs to Ev

Sorry don't know what happened there...just wanted to add that I too, like you, try to make light of it - I don't minimise them, the opposite in fact, but i try and appear upbeat in front of others when sometimes I am feeling really afraid and down about it.

Having said that we do get out and about and have just come back from a fabulous holiday in cornwall. Like baby said we just relaxed the rules bit...jam sandwiches came in very handy at times!

I hope you are ok...I don't know anyone in rl who has allergies or children with allergies, I wish there was a local support group I could go to.

I found Easter hard as DS (only intolerant, not allergic and I realise from reading on MN about the stress you lot endure that I hadn't even considered...) knew it was supposed to be about loads of chocolate. I made him some little eggs in a mould using the kinnerton stuff that I melted and he had one bigger one from the health food shop. As for parties, he doesn't seem bothered by me replacing everything, but I'm wondering how old he'll be before I can leave him at a party on his own to manage it. I try and provide something similar but ice-cream at soft play place parties flummoxes me!

I do totally understand (and I don't even have the stress I mentioned above). I'd quite like to have a week or two off baking at 9pm and cooking three or four variations of the same meal in 20 minutes once I get in from work as well!! Oh to be able to shove a pizza in the oven once in a while !!

ds2 has allergies to dairy, nuts, pulses, beans, mango and blackberries (and is sensitive to guar gum, which it seems is common in people with hayfever to birch trees as he has). I get sick of the "healthy eating" policies at school - he should have fruit and milk for snack (no, he needs high calorie foods, he gets plenty of fruit, it being one of the few things he can eat and soya milk is really not a substitute calorie-wise for cows milk). The "oh, it's easy, just don't give him milk" - yeeeessss, and have you seen the amount of foods with milk in?

I am much more thick skinned and less precious now. If we go out for a meal, ds2 is the one eating chips. Please don't judge us. If he wants a snack, he can eat whatever he fancies, even if it is a pack of dairy free chocolate buttons because he needs the calories. We spent the first three years of his life refusing to go anywhere with him. Now, I don't care if people judge his eating. It is a good deal better than the situation a couple of years ago when he didn't eat at all (his first experience of "food" was anaphylactic shock).

Sorry for the rant.

I am the same, I don't care what people think...we recently stopped off and got my dd a happy meal on our way to a fancy Italian restaurant! My thinking...if I'm getting a treat, why shouldn't she?

Hi mum I can relate and go through phases of being really distressed/ stressed / anxious about DS allergies, but it has got less over time, we've found the things he can eat, I can whip up cakes at a moments notice and as he's gotten older he sometimes checks allergy info on the back of Packs of things.

We have been VERY relaxed about what he can eat on holiday - I don't ever worry about giving him chips - and we take our dairy free marge everywhere.

You do need to plan a bit, but it does get easier. DS is allergic to milk, eggs, nuts, sesame, fish and shellfish. We know we are generally ok to eat out at Italian / Mediteranean places. You will find what works for you.

I would follow babys advice and try the anaphylaxis campaign website. Come back on here too for some support and a good vent.

sounds tough

Have a good scream about does seem like it could be liberating...

Baby, hope you're having a lovely holiday. DD is a bit young yet but when she's old enough I think we'll both be standing on the chair and shouting like you DS. :)

Haverina, I hope one day to be able to get to the same level of confidence that you have. I worry too much about what other people might/do think but I think the way you handle things is much better. I really hope your does outgrow some of her allergies soon.

MagratGarlick, I'm the same with my DC. They have such a boring diet, that I let them have some chocolate everyday. We live near a good 99p store and at easter and christmas, I can get easter eggs and advent calenders. But the rest of the year it's hard getting hold of kinnerton nut safe chocs. Waitrose stock them but they are very expensive at about 59p for a small choc lolly. My DC also eat crisps. Again, they really enjoy them so I think why not. The rest of their food is homecooked and well dull as I'm not the best cook in the world. Poor kids. This has improved some, as DD can now eat dairy which she was never allergic to but she was very intolerant to it. My DD is allergic the things you mentioned and I'm sure she is funny with guar gum but her allergist says this is very unusual. He also said the same for rapeseed oil which she then tested positive for with a high RAST, so shows that even the specialists don't know everything. Sounds like the healthy eating policy at school is a bit difficult for you :(

ProtectingMyNormalName, I also struggle at easter, esp to find small eggs for easter egg hunts. I hadn't thought of making little eggs myself. That's a good idea for next year. The local 99p store stocks eggs and advent calenders at those times of year, and they're only 99p each, so might be a cheaper option thank the health food shop, if you have one near you. :)

I think intolerances can be as awful as allergies and DD was kept off dairy for the last 4 years because she was intolerant to it. We had to avoid it in the same way as we avoid the foods she is allergic to. It's tough isn't it. I guess the only thing with her milk intolreance was that I knew a little exposure wasn't going to make her end up in hospital, but I still used to avoid it, always. I also think that if you are intolerant to something, continued exposure could actually make it get more severe so it, like allergies, needs to be managed carefully. DD has always got to have her own bag of food at parties and so far when the kids go off to eat, it's been a free for all, and so we've tended to leave at that time. She has also never had icecream before, unless a frozen innocent fruit tube counts as one. I once blitzed some frozen blueberries with some cream and yogurt and that was quite good but she wasn't sure. :)

Random, I scream often - usually at my DC as the just won't bloody listen to me

Thanks everyone for replying. It seems that it's not just me going through this, so I'm in good company.

Baby, thanks for the tip about the Allergy UK support forums. I looked at them a while ago, but need to again, so thanks for the reminder :)

MamaMura, thanks for your reply too. I hope that one day, soon, I can come to terms with things and can manage them lie you do. You sound very cool, calm and collected. I can't imagine ever being able to eat out with my DD as she has allergies to so so many everyday things but I hope to be able to just cope better in general. :)

Try and think of fail safe option if your stuck out

For us it's bananas :) can buy anywhere in the world pretty much and grab in coffee shops etc if stuck at train stations blah blah. It's rare to be stuck but knowing they can eat 3 bananas that day helps relax everything
( coeliac and dairy free)

Baby, thanks for clarifying. It was a long time ago so it could have been the Anaphylaxis Campaign that I had looked at. :)

forevergreek, that's a good idea. One that I've never really thought of before as I always assume that there will be nothing that my DC can eat.

We actually went to the pub today after the DC's had their lunch. DD was really good about playing or colouring while we ate. We were able to sit in the garden as the weather was lovely and that worked really well. I took a few snacks with us which were eaten before our food arrived which was a shame. I think it bothers DD that her cousin can eat what his mum (my sister) is eating and that she can't. I worry that she thinks that I'm not letting her. I think she does understand about her allergies but I also worry that she is constantly aware that she can't eat what alot of other kids can. I also feel bad for her.

Anyway, thanks for your reply and I will try and remember that we can get hold of banana's as she can eat those and they're a good option.
:)

Yes, it gets me down at times too. Allergies seem to control our lives to an extent - no matter how hard I try to make sure that doesn't happen .

Friends tell me they can't believe how calm and relaxed I am about it. But I'm not! On the inside, I'm terrified, anxious, worried, on edge, tearful et quite a lot of the time. I just try to not let it show.

Sometimes I have a daydream about life without allergies and how relaxed and easy it would be. Imagine...we could travel anywhere at all, eat out whenever we wanted. Leave the house without 'The Blue Bag'. It would be amazing!

I think it's only natural that it gets us down at times. I'm just hoping that as allergies increase, the awareness does too, and that restaurants etc will become easier with time.

Yes, I get pretty down about it sometimes. Both my kids went to parties on the same day recently. I was able to drop DD who's nearly 3 and run, whil I had to stay with DS who's 5 while all the other Mums dropped and ran. I felt totally hysterical and hovering giving him a packed lunch to eat

I'm another who gives DS more chocolate than I probably would have done had he not had allergies. He needs the calories and there's so much he can't eat I get over excited when there's something he can eat.

Then I think that actually DS is pretty healthy and allergies are manageable whereas so many parents are dealing with so much worse.

Likeaninja and trixy,

It's so so difficult isn't it. Likeaninja, I sometimes have those daydreams too but then feel guilty as DD really is lovely and I don't really want her to change of that makes sense.

Trixy, I'm glad I'm not alone in giving more chocolate to my DC. Can I ask, how do you manage feeding your DD with things that your DS can't eat? At the moment my DC have the same foods, which I know isn't right but I've never really felt comfortable with giving DS food that I know DD reacts to. I need to change that but am worried in case DS also reacts to these 'new' foods for him. I am so so terrified of a bad reaction that I feel paralysed by this.

Thanks for your replies and I hope you are both well. xxxxx

I tend to give them both the same in the house, although if we are having sandwiches DD will have cheese in hers and she will have a bit of cheese on her pasta and they have different milks. DS sometime has his special cheese, but he doesn't really like it. I tend to keep treats the same, so DD will have dairy free or dark chocolate, she can't have eggs, so any cakes we bake together.

They are both quite accepting that there are things they can't have and DS has more things that he can't have.

We were quite lucky that DD was allergy tested when she was 6 months old before we started weaning her, so we knew she wasn't allergic tobanything apart from eggs.