How old were your DCs when they began to understand about their allergies?

[garliclover]

I'm haunted by this. My 2yo DS is allergic to wheat, milk, eggs, sesame, lentils and several pulses. But he loves food. He eats like a horse, and I feel so happy and grateful that he wolfs down sardines as happily as he wolfs down chips.
But this is what kills me: his favourite books are ones with pictures of food. He points at pictures of eggs and says 'Hmmmm. Nice'. The same with pictures of wheat and milk and all the other things he's allergic to!
He must already be aware that at nursery he eats different things from the others. But I wonder when he will realise that this is because so many foods would make him ill. And then I worry that eventually he'll be put off food altogether and the happy relationship he has with food and mealtimes will be over. Can't bear it!
How and when did your DCs learn about their allergies? How did they cope with it?

I think DS has always known that he has allergies. He was about 2 when he started asking lots of questions, and wanting to know if any of his friends have allergies too. He is now 3.9 and seems to have a very clear understanding that certain foods make him ill. He doesn't seem too bothered about it, although he does talk about allergies quite a lot. He takes a lot of responsibility for vetting what he eats and touches, and often 'checks' the ingredients on packaging in shops (he can't read yet, but he enjoys thinking that he can).

Children often use play to deal with issues in their lives. DS likes to play with toy food that he is allergic to. Sometimes he picks up a piece of play food that he knows he can't eat in real life and puts it in his mouth saying "Look mummy, I'm eating this... can I eat this?" - he is obviously just testing my reaction, so I laugh and say something along the lines of "well yes of course you can eat that because it's just pretend, but could you really eat it or would it make you poorly?"

DS is allergic to many different foods, but we didn't want to overwhelm him with a great long list to start with so we began by telling him he was allergic to cows milk because that's the allergen he was most likely to encounter at toddler groups etc. We added the others in later (e.g. "did you know you are allergic to bananas as well? ")

I know this whole thing is hard and I do feel your pain!! As parents we are so concerned to keep our children emotionally and physically safe. However, I think it is sometimes harder for us to deal with than it is for our DCs. To them, allergies are just part of life and it is all they have ever known. I think being calm about it is the main thing (even when we don't feel very calm inside ourselves!!)

As I started typing that long reply, I overhead the following conversation between DS and DH:

DH: Hey, it's your preschool party tomorrow...
DS: Yes, but don't forget, there will be lots of cows milk cakes there, and I am going to take my own special cake. I want to eat my own special cake and everybody else have their cows milk cakes.

Poor you - it's such a blessing to enjoy food and I totally understand your anxiety. No experience of multiple allergies though I'm sure lots of folks here will and will have useful tips. DS was between two and three when he used to say no if people had milk and 'make poorly'... but with no impact on his enthusiasm for food. He also seemed entirely unbothered when we took his packed lunches to parties and moved stuff out of his reach which I used to find very sad... I have found some nice books which might help - they have a very clear 'food can be dangerous' message but also that it's ok for people to eat different things and it not get in the way of play as well as safety tips like asking grown ups what's in food, friends' mummies phoning your mummy to check if unsure etc... We have a couple of them at home. I have this to come with DD who is has bottomless tummy and unfortunately has started on the allergy road too.

I'm sure the fact that you are giving it lots of thought will help him adjust and keep his love of good food :)

Reply got crossed with greenbananas -slow typing :)

That's such a lovely illustration of what you say - normality for children can be whatever their experience suggests is normal - thank goodness!

Our story is very similar to greenbananas in that my DS has always been pretty aware of his allergies as we started talking about it from a very young age (before he could even speak). He is very matter-of-fact about it all as he doesn't know any different really. He's now 5 and started school last September. He wears an allergy-alert wrist band and from the age of about 3 he would happily rattle off his list of allergies. He loves food but understands that there are lots of things he can't eat and that he must never swap food and must check with mummy or daddy before accepting food from anyone. He also understands that if he accidentally eats something he's allergic to he might have to have an injection in his leg ("that might hurt mummy!") which is a difficult thing to have to explain to your child but sadly a necessary one. I've also taught him to understand the early warning signs of an allergic reaction such as when he gets itchy and to make sure he tells someone straight away.

Are you a member of the Anaphylaxis Campaign? They run brilliant workshops around the country for parents of children with allergies that cover these sorts of issues. They also sell some great books for kids about living with allergies (we've got one about Isobel the mouse who's allergic to milk).

We talk about it lots, and I try to explain to DS what his various tests and hospital appointments are for.

He understood something by the age of 2, and now at 2.5 he could probably tell you what foods he's allergic to. It helps that I have various food intolerances so we often have discussions like, "Daddy and DS are having cous cous. Mummy's not having cous cous. It's got wheat in." Or "Mummy can eat hazelnuts. DS can't eat hazelnuts. They make my face hurt."

He enjoys his food and I don't think his allergies have had a negative effect on that.

My DS is now 5, and is allergic to eggs and nuts. When he tries food at school or goes round to a friend's for tea, he'll say 'are there eggs or nuts in it?' He only started doing this last year, before that he would eat anything if I wasn't around.

2 is very young to understand about all this, give him a year and he'll start realising why he can't eat certain things.

good question, my ds is 20 months old and I was wondering about this today (he's severely allergic to milk and eggs and also allergic to soya, wheat, lentils, peanuts, cod..). Its hard reading stories about say,"yummy Ice Cream", and he has no idea what it is but knowing that he will be asking before too long. but then there are lots of foods that he gets so excited about, so for now it doesn't really feel like he's missing out
he must be aware a little bit as he has to sit on the allergy table for meals at nursery (its great, they've painted it with beautiful sparkly paints whereas all the other tables are just plain). He was really excited this week as we have finally found some sliced bread he can have (previously we just had prescripton bread rolls) so he had his first toast the other day and he was so excited, as he's seen everyone else eating it and not been able to join in).

I do like the look of those books

DS is 5 now and he won't accept food from anyone without me checking it first. He only has a few allergies, but all the same he has an epi-pen and he seems to understand that some food could make him seriously ill.

I'm still a huge worrier though so he never goes to parties without me as I want to check the food but it's nice to know he doesn't just wolf down anything and everything.

oh, and if DS isn't allergic to it then it gets eaten without any problems. The school keep saying they have never seen such an un-fussy child with a good appetite . He doesn't bugger about with fruit or veg and will happily eat unusual food if I think it's safe, he was scoffing the chilli squid at wagamama's the other day.

His allergies haven't stopped him being a bit of a mini-foodie . I suppose this may change if he starts to develop more allergies and he gets anxious to try new things.

Agree with Previous Posters. DS has been aware from an early age, but that's also because he's had reactions / vomiting / hives. He would always check if he was allowed food but when he was very little I'd watch him when out to make sure he didn't eat anything he shouldn't.
He was also used to having his own cake / snacks at parties.

It's been something we talked about but We ate out / at friends a lot and since nursery (aged just over 3) he's been aware of his allergies and asking.
He's 8 now and even checks allergy advice on the back of containers of food and we let him explain his allergies in restaurants.

Good luck

DS1 has coeliac, and has been on a GF diet since age 5yo. By 6yo, so within a year, he understood about not eating ANYTHING without checking ingredients with an adult first. By 7yo he understood about cross-contamination, and now at 10yo, he manages it all himself.

Both mine were about two. DD is nearly 3, but has been saying for ages "that's got egg in, that'll make me sick" and when playing with the wooden eggs in the play kitchen "I can't eat eggs, but these ones are just pretend".

My two are still very enthusiastic about food.