Getting frustrated at DD - can someone help me please?

[mumat39]

Hello everyone.
I hope this finds you all well.

I need some help please.

DD will be starting school full time in Sept. Up until now things have been controlled very well esp with family and she is used to people washing theair hands and mouths after they have eaten. I have always worried about that as she is contact sensitive, but DD's never had to worry about it.

She is constantly putting her hands in her mouth, pulling on her lips, tapping her teeth (to see if they're wobbly yet), sticking her fingers up her nose which is worse at the moment with hayfever, and rubbing her eyes. Occassionally she does this whilst sitting on the loo even though I've explained that it's not a good idea a million times.

I am constantly reminding her to not do this and try and say big girls don't do things like that. This works for about 1 second and then she does it again.

I know I shouldn't get so frustrated with her but I find that I am and I don;t know how to gently help her to stop doing these things.

When she is at her new school, the kids will be encouraged to wash their hands before they eat and encouraged to go to the loo after they eat, but they won't be forced to do this and won't necessarily wash their hands.

DD has in the past reacted (hives on face usually) from touching something that someone else handled after eating, or after touch playdough for example.

These facial hives have usually settled without needing piriton, but I worry that if she sticks her fingers in her mouth, the reaction could be worse.

What should I be doing to help her stop doing this. I don't think she even realises she's doing it half the time which is why it's so difficult.

This is my biggest concern about her starting school. Her allergy nurse says that I should gently remind her, but I'm not doing very well at that. :(

Many Thanks in advance.

Have you talked to the school about her allergy issues and what they can do to help? They could for example put a poster up in the class-room so at least there is a visual reminder for all of the pupils.

Dd(7) has facial scaring and needs to remember to put suncream and other stuff on - does she? Does she heckers like! So I do know where you are coming from a little.

It's such a worry, isn't it? My DS2 starts school this year too, and he's touch senstive, so I do know how you feel.

To be honest, I've kind of resigned myself to the fact that I've done everything I can to make the transition to school a safe one. At some point they have to learn to keep themselves safe. Although it is terrifying that they have to do this at age 4/5!

I'm 'lucky' that my son remembers what a reaction is like and will do everything he can to avoid one.

Has your DD been introduced to the staff that work in the school dining hall? My son has been, and they know they've to keep an eye on him during the time he's there, and also when he is outside in the playground. I live in fear of him being allergic to bees/wasps! Does your DD know that she must tell an adult if she feels unwell?

If so I'm not sure there's much more you can do...

Having the same problem with my DS (just turned 5). He seems to have regressed and is putting his hands in his mouth all the time like a baby and it's driving me crazy! He too is touch allergic and anaphylactic on ingestion so I do worry about it and tell him not to do it but there's only so much you can do, isn't there? I'm hoping it's just a stage and he'll grow out of it - quickly!

Hello again.

Sorry for not replying sooner. I hope this finds you all well.

I'm so glad it's not just me that finds this stressful. DD has recently decided to lick everything, from the carpet, dining table, washing up liquid, handwash and loads of other really silly things. SHe's also started putting things into her mouth. I'm convinced she's doing it as I'm always reminding her not to put her hands in her mouth. She put a hama bead up her nose, 'to keep it safe' and a load of little foam pieces in her mouth and when I asked her why she just shrugged her shoulders.

I really hope this is a phase too. It's driving me mad and the more i try not to worry about it the more I do.

xxx

Hi mumat39. Very hard behaviour to ignore!
She is old enough to do it for attention but hard for you to deal with and for her to fully appreciate the consequences.
I think the school may well have ideas and strategies they can discuss with you.
Very good luck. xxx

I'm convinced she's doing it as I'm always reminding her not to put her hands in her mouth.

You're probably right - some of the mouth twiddling may well be unconscious but it also sounds like she might have decided to rebel by doing this as much as possible. Does she understand the risks? Is she only licking relatively 'safe' stuff in an attempt to wind you up? I almost laughed at putting a hama bead up her nose 'to keep it safe', but then I remembered a little boy I worked with who inhaled a small piece of lego into his lung by mistake (while sneezing) and had to spend the night in hospital.

I agree with Sunflowers that the school may have ideas and strategies - they are used to dealing with all sorts of challenging behaviour, and sometimes a sympathetic teacher or TA can have a different perspective to us stressed-out parents.

No wonder you are worried and that this is driving you mad. I would be feeling pretty mad too. Hope you get this sorted soon.

Hello mum - did your Dd go to nursery? How did they manage her allergies?

Speak to the school about your specific concerns - DS school use sanitizer after lunch so contact with allergens can be an issue. She'll probably quickly grow out of it at school - good luck

Hi everyone, thanks for your replies. :) I hope you're all having a good weekend. :)

Sunflowers, I'm hoping the school can help. I have talked to them about this and they say that they will try and encourage the kids to not do that sort of thing so things like thumb sucking or nose picking etc. I will just have to hope for the best really, if she doesn't stop doing it herself before she starts.

Greenbananas, the hama bead thing was just so odd for her. She's really good at not putting things like that in her mouth but is definitely going through a phase. How scary for that child you know inhaling a piece of lego I hope he's ok now and that there are any long term repercussions.

DD was really upset and I didn't want to try anything incase I pushed the bead further up her nose. I was about to take her to A&E as I didn't know what else to do. She decided to blow her nose and thankfully it came out. I don't think there was any damage so I didn't take her in. The next day she shoved a load of foam shapes in her mouth.

I've always been very protective of her and am always reminding her of this and that. Poor thing's probably fed up of me and is probably rebelling like you say. I wish I could learn to be more relaxed about it all.

MamaMumra, I don't really get why schools use sanitisers when they have taps with running water and soap I can understand sanitisers when out and about and have no access to water. But anyway, the school say that they will encourage DD to wash her hands before eating, like they do with all the kids, but they say they can't make all the kids wash their hands after they eat, which is understandable. DD is used to everyone we know washing thier hands after they eat, so this I think will be hard for her. Her allergy nurse was at the meeting with the school, and she said that DD has just got to get used to this. That's why I think this new phase she is going through (I hope it's just a phase) is such a worry. If the kids at school eat and don't wash their hands and then touch things like pencils etc, which DD then touches and then puts her hamds in her mouth, are the sorts of scenarios that scare me. When she has in the past handled pencils etc that other kids have had after playing with say, playdough, and DD then touches her face, she has always ended up with a red patch/weal where she touched her face. Her hands always seem fine which has always been confusing. Maybe her skin on her hands is just less sensitive.

She did go to nursery for a year but didn't really encounter food there as it was only for 3 hours a day and there were no meals and they agreed to not have crumbly snacks so things like biscuits, toast etc weren't a problem. I also used to make and provide the wheat free playdough every week for the nursery kids to use. I did this for about a term and then the nursery took this on.

Thanks again for your replies. It is very stressful, but fingers crossed she'll start to get over this phase soon, :)

Hiya!

I've heard it said that if you say 'Don't...' followed by something else, then this immediately puts a picture in a child's mind of something that they then feel compelled to do - so it compounds the desire to do it. Apparently, you should instead try to tell the child what it is that you want them TO do. Unfortunately, I find this hard to do, so I've no idea if it works or not!

PS Your child's teacher may be open to making play dough with different ingredients, more suited to your child. If you provide him/her with a suitable recipe, it may help!