Guilt over feeding allergic child the food they are allergic to

[TruthSweet]

DD3 is mildly allergic to wheat (causes eczema flares, loose stools and weeping/open nappy rash) and today I was so distracted and sleep deprived I gave her DD2's krackawheat crackers instead of her own wheat free ones (I pulled the wrong bag out of the packed lunch box and didn't check).

I didn't even realise until DD2 asked for her crackers and I saw the ones in the lunch box had DD3's name on the bag which was about 1 1/2 hours later. 15 mins after that DD3 had diarrhoea (I hadn't told her I had given her the wrong food) so we went home and I gave her prition syrup.

She seems fine but I feel so bad. She had been completely wheat free for about 3m as well so her skin was so much better. We have a paed. appt tomorrow as well and I will be asked how is her wheat free diet going - I got told off last time as DD3 had been stealing other people's food and had got the occasional mouthful of wheaty goodness before I could get it off her so I dread to think how much of a bollocking I will get this time.....

Anyone else want to admit to being this daft?

the vast majority of the time the reactions my son has had are from my direct handing over of food. most of the time its been because i didnt know he was allergic, esp during weaning.

but sometimes mistakes happen esp when you have more than one family. sometimes food isnt labelled correctly, or the food got cross contaminated with out us being aware.
this is why we have our emergency meds.
reactions happen. (hugs)

Thanks eragon - it's horrible feeling knowing you have made your child suffer

We haven't got any emergency meds - the Paed isn't terribly interested (aside from giving me a telling off) as she didn't instigate the testing, I did after noticing DD3's reactions to wholemeal & 50/50 bread. She seems more interested in her asthma/eczema and just tells me to not give DD3 wheat rather than what to do if she does eat it. The GP doesn't seem to know anything about it and the atopy nurse hasn't given us any guidance either.

We just have piriton syrup for other reactions/reasons (DD1 has had reactions to meds/kiwi) so gave it to her in desperation previously after reintroducing wheat following an elimination. It seemed to help the screaming and thrashing so we've given it whenever she's eaten it since.....

I sound like a crappy parent!

You don't sound like a crappy parent Truthsweet! We've all be there and have witnessed reactions in our DC for the reasons Eragon mentions.

I think you should just be honest with the consultant/doctor tomorrow and tell them that you're finding it difficult and that you don't know how to manage. I'm surprised they haven't done any allergy testing as she's obviously allergic to a couple of foods plus meds. Is it an allergist you see of a regular pediatric doctor/consultant? Re you GP, I don't think many are clued up about allergies and haven't probably had any training.

Like Eragon says these things happen and my DD is 4.5 and I've had 4 years to finally start to come to terms with this. I'm still not there yet but there are some lovely supportive people on here and they have helped me so so much that I actually don't feel like I'm in this alone.

I hope you're appointment goes well tomorrow and ask them why they haven't done any testing? How can you know what you're dealing with with some advice/support.

Good Luck with it and don't let them intimidate you. They are there to help you not make you feel bad.

Big hugs from me too, to you and your DD.
Take care.

You don't sound crappy at all! It's so hard to keep track of allergies. I'm allergic to nuts and a range of seeds and I'm always accidently having them randomly. (well, not always, but often enough that my skin sometimes looks like it's been cheese grated)

I've even once almost given gravy granules to a child with wheat intolerence. And this is me...the woman who is hyper aware of allergies. You sound fab.

I'm pretty sure most parents of allergic children have made mistakes. It is hard and we sometimes slip up. You are NOT a crappy parent!!!

I felt terrible at Easter when DS ate the wrong Easter egg. He was very upset and vomiting and hasnt really eaten chocolate since. We all learned a lesson that day .

mumat - DD3 is 2y 8m and only got diagnosed earlier this year so I've not even had 6m of being wheat free. We are waiting to get an appt for the dietitian to make sure she is getting a balanced diet (I am wheat free too as DD3 is bfing so I'd like to make sure I'm not missing out on anything as am pg too).

It's not DD3 who's allergic to meds/kiwi that's DD1 (DD1 had arthritic urticaria in response to a prophylactic prescribing of Nystatin [thrush med] and touching kiwi makes her skin go like an old lady's - thin and papery - very weird). I have allergies to cucumber and melon so the children haven't ever been given them just in case (my mum is allergic to cucumber too but she vomits if she eats it and I wheeze if it's near me - I've never even eaten it!).

They did skin prick tests for wheat, gluten and diary but she didn't react at all so when they did the RAST test after DD3 did an elimination diet for wheat then reacted on introducing it again (screaming for hours, massive eczema flare and runny tummy) they only tested for wheat not anything else.

The Paed. is a generalist and is very high up in the local hospitals but her focus seems to be on DD3's asthma, her eczema and her previously very poor weight gain (91st%centile at birth to 2nd%centile by 20 weeks & she gained 6lbs in her 1st 35 weeks). She's a normal weight now (13kg) but she is very short compared to her sisters (she's around 25th%centile but her sisters were/are 75th-91st%iles) she was the biggest baby too.

The Paed. really dismisses the wheat allergy (it is mild BUT it does have some effect on her!) and was most put out that testing had been organised without her knowledge. The HV saw her nappy rash at clinic after her having 50/50 bread - the skin was blistering and when cleaning her bottom I was wiping bits of her skin off - and she said to contact GP to get testing, I called the Atopy nurse who said it was pointless seeing GP as she could arrange it all without waiting for a referral, Atopy nurse obv. never told Paed and Paed. had her nose out of joint over that .

I do need to know what to do if she eats wheat though - even if it is just deal with the diarrhoea and use steroid creams on the flares rather than just be told to not give wheat to her. It seems to be in everything these days!

Gah! I'm getting wound up about this. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has done something silly like this (well not 'glad' but you what I mean!).

I don't know what to suggest for dealing with the allergy (though it sounds like you do need some decent medical advice) but wanted to reassure you that we have all been there with giving our children the foods they are allergic to.

My DS1 is anaphylactic to dairy and when he was 3 we were at the airport in NZ after VERY long journey and I was so excited to see soy drinks (not available where we were living) that I ordered him a hot chocolate (after checking the powder was ok). I will never forget both of us crumpled on the floor in the middle of the airport and him crying and saying 'why did you do it, why did you do it to me?'.

We're all human, we all make mistakes - I think the main thing is making sure you deal with it well when it does happen (which you obviously did), while of course doing your best to prevent it happening.

Hi Truthsweet.

Your pediatric doctor sounds like she's too far up her own arse!

I would be asking demanding a referral to see an pediatric allergist. Your DD's reaction to wheat is not normal and if it's doing that to her bottom it's no wonder she's so upset whilst it's still inside her - poor thing. It must be so upsetting for you too.

I really think that as you have allergies and your other DD does too, then this needs to be taken more seriously. I really think that for some people diet can really aggravate eczema, so the doctor is a bit mad to look at one without even considering diet esp if you have the evidence.

If you can, have a look at the NICE guidelines here the PDF tells you what sorts of things require a referral to a specialist.

Also, if you speak to the Allergy UK Helpline, they may be able to help with some advice, and will also be able to tell you where your nearest specialist clinic is. Most allergy clinics have specialist dieticians who work with the allergists so you'd get to see both if you were referred.

We were under a dietician at our local hospital for about 18 months before I realised that we had to ask to be referred to a specialist. They were nice but just not specialist enough. They also organised skin prick tests and DD also tested negative to wheat. After 2 they decided to do a challenge and she was so so ill with a really bad reaction. They didn't even know to confirm the Skin Prick tests wiith blood tests. In the end I had to ask to be referred to see an allergist and they have been so so much better.

If you request this from your GP he/she has to refer you. With what your DD is going through and your family history I think you've got a good reason to be asking. Also, if your GP is negative or dismissive, take the Nice Guidelines with you.

I've learnt the hard way that if you don't ask you don't get :(

Sorry if I sound a bit tetchy, but I'm getting wound up on your behalf.

Good Luck with this and hope your pregnancy is going well and that this isn't stressing you out too much. (my post I mean. It's not meant to, honest)

Take care xxx

Thanks Weta & mumat.

The Paed was actually not cross at me at all today - she just kind of said 'well these things happen' . Of course DD3 had a runny poo just as she went in to the appt but the Paed didn't want to see it (not that I blame her it was FOUL!).

She has prescribed Montelukast for her asthma (which I suppose may help her allergy?) as it's not been very well controlled recently.

Her skin is okay except for a new patch of eczema (to be expected after wheat exposure). Her 'regime' isn't being changed.

Paed. has prescribed Movicol to keep her bowels working as she has had episodes of rectal bleeding/blood on stools which has been put down to constipation - apparently wheat free alternatives are pretty constipating.

The Paed. didn't think that we needed any kind of emergency meds and if Pirition worked for her to keep giving it if needed but she didn't think it Should do any good as DD3's reactions are slow/long term ones not immediate like anaphylaxis type reactions (though she has had lip swelling when we did the challenge post elimination diet). No mention of a referral to any kind of allergist but then I guess it's because her RAST test result was so low (but it still does things to her body!).

On the plus side in just over 2m DD3 has grown 4cm and gained 0.5kg! Which has put her on the 50th%centile She's not my little diddy baby any more

:( I have done the same - and we've been dealing with Ds's allergies for 5 years now. I am usually SO careful, but made a silly mistake on holiday thinking he could have hotdog sausages. Totally forgot we'd ruled them out before due to milk protein in them. His throat started to get the itch! :( gave piriton straight away but he was quite distressed. I felt SO bad. But it was genuine mistake - not lack of care.

My son is allergic to strawberries.
Yesterday i was mid-conversation on an important call whilst feeding DS2 and eating my lunch.
DS1 is being extremely loud and insistent about wanting some of my fruit salad.. Completely oblivious (to shut him up!) i hand him a piece of strawberry.
Immediantely hes quiet which makes me look over to him... Reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I pounched at his hand and snatched it away shoutong Nooooo
Poor kid started crying, ds2 started crying (he was previously being calmly fed on my lap), ds1 shouts 'you must share mummy!'

Not my finest moment.
We all make mistakes

I've done this too . I gave my nut allergic child a supermarkets own brand Aero type bar as a snack because it was all I could find and we were in a rush. 5 mins later, voice pipes up from the back of the car - 'I feel a bit funny' and I stopped and there was the start of his rash round his mouth. Fortunately I had piriton with me and that was all he needed. A check of the label showed 'caution - contains hazelnuts'.

In my case, I'd got complacent and presumed he was ok with all ordinary milk chocolate, now I know he's not. So a lesson learned for me.