How do I get my mum to take DD's allergy seriously?

[vigglewiggle]

I am reaching the end of my tether! My mum has never taken my DD's allergy to peanuts and hazelnuts seriously. I don't think I am expecting too much, but she regularly has peanuts out as a snack, and at Christmas she had whole hazelnuts out on the table with cracked shells in the bowl. I don't make a fuss, but I moved the items out of DD's reach and she commented that the hazelnuts didn't present a problem as it was only shells and whole nuts. She is a qualified food scientist FFS.

Anyway, today was the final straw. She offered me and DD a lift in her car and when we got in there was a ramekin dish in the seat-pocket in front of DD. I then saw another one in the footwell and enquired as to why there were ramekin dishes in her car. She informed me that she had given my niece and nephew peanuts to eat as a snack in the car - regularly for months! When I suggested she might find a different snack to give them she got into a huff!

I don't know how else to get the message home to her and I don't know why she refuses to take it seriously.

I would use a newspaper article of a death from allergy and give it to her and mention your childs similar allergy.

this worked for me btw.
if this doenst work, i wouldnt let her have or be near your child .Put her on the dont trust list for food safety reasons.

I will try your suggestion, but I suspect it will fall on deaf ears. She will stubbornly refuse to admit she is wrong as always. You are right about limiting access, it will be the only sensible thing to do if she refuses to listen.

I know its hard to do, but we all have some rellies and friends that just dont get it. I have learnt not to expect them to, and remember the ones that do, and are supportive.

good luck.

I know, I have friends who forget or don't get it and I can see past that as they are only friends. I expect a bit more from a grandparent though!

I will try, but I don't think she would come and anyway, she knows everything, she was a dietician in the 70's don't you know!

Unfortunately she has favourite grandchildren and my two don't seem to register some days.

I also don't think we are due another appointment with the allergy specialist. At the last appointment (sept) they referred her for Coeliac testing because of unexplained bloating. That was negative and I've heard nothing since. Should we expect annual reviews or something?

Lots of us have friends and relatives who do not really 'get it', but I think it's so much harder when family members fail to understand. You would think they ought to be more supportive, but sadly this is not always the case.

It sounds like your relationship with your mum is a bit difficult anyway

My mum died about a year before my DS was born and I have often wondered how she would have coped with him being so allergic to so many foods. Although she was a lovely woman with a heart of absolute gold, she was a 'manager' who always tried to solve all my problems for me. I strongly suspect that she would have tried to tell me what to do, especially in the early days before DS had a proper diagnosis. I also think that if she could see us now, she would be very proud of me for managing DS's allergies so well - but I'm sure there would have been some very rough times when he was a tiny baby.

One day, your mum will probably have a 'moment of epiphany' and realise that you are right about the seriousness of your DD's situation - and then she will feel terrible about having put your DD at risk so many times. Until then, all you can do is to keep your DD safe, even if this means limiting or even stopping all time alone with your mum. There's no arguing with people who always think they know best and who refuse to listen, and you will perhaps never feel completely safe leaving your DD in your mum's care.

Good luck with this - it's not a good situation but you will come through it x

Thank you.

very hard ..especially with people who think we're all just making too much fuss when it comes to allergies

I also think you need to show her some scary stories .