A few questions on how you deal with your dc's allergies day to day...

[CasaBevron]

Hi all,

DS is now one, allergic to egg and cashews - diagnosed through spt - and we don't have another hospital appt for him until December this year. I am finding that as time goes on I have more and more questions in my mind that will not keep til then. I do have a number to contact the hospital on if I need advice, but I would also like a perspective on my concerns and questions from those of you who are dealing with allergies day to day in real life. If you have the time/inclination, I'd be really grateful for your input

TIA

• I am super paranoid about food that ds comes into contact with. I do not eat 'may contain' foods, and if others in my family do, I make them wash their hands and face and brush their teeth before they play with or touch him. I am kind of aware that this is possibly a little over the top, and I will freely admit that I am about to begin cbt sessions for what has been termed mild ocd by my doctor, but I would like to know whether others do the same, or if I can relax a little bit over this. I am particularly vigilant over chocolate and other foods that have a high likelihood of their 'may contain' warnings being true iyswim. I have only ever seen him have any sort of skin reaction on three occasions, and each time he has come into contact with raw egg white. He has had no other reactions.

• We are still obviously in the process of introducing new foods to ds. Do I need to do the 'ten minute test' with every single new food I give him? ie stuff like jam, marmite, honey on toast, different veg and fruits? The dietician at St Thomas's was confident that with ds's history and spt results we did not need to wait to introduce new foods every couple of days and that he would not be allergic to anything else. He has had all of the 'big 8' except shellfish - and his allergens of course - and regularly eats peanuts, sesame etc with no issues. He has a very tiny amount of eczema, which you would probably term dry skin more than eczema tbh, and no sign of hayfever or asthma. He is also fine with celery, beans, tomatoes, has not had mustard that I know of. I only give him new stuff at the moment at lunch time, and on days where dd stays at nursery for a full day, so I only have the opportunity to give new stuff on two days a week if I follow this routine with every single new food. At this rate I'll still be weaning him when he's 15!

• Do you trust the warning labels on foods from reputable companies like Cadburys etc? Ds has a load of chocolate from Easter that has been left uneaten because I find it hard to trust that I can give it to him safely. These are products that are on the companies safe lists as being nut 'safe', but I just can't bring myself to give them to him. He also has some Kinnerton stuff which he hasn't had either, I think I'm going to start with that and work up from there! Also, has anyone ever had problems with foods with no nut warning that then caused a reaction? It's hard to know whether they're okay, or whether they just don't have a warning...

• As much as I would love to hop on a plane and go on holiday this year, I have no idea how ds might react to cashews - having never seen a reaction - and we do not have epipens (we were advised by Adam Fox that we did not need them). I am not prepared to take the risk, and would rather wait until our next appt to see where we are and talk through the risks with a professional. Am I doing the right thing? I don't think I could go anywhere near a plane at the moment without serious risk of losing my mind with worry!

This is all I can think of for now. I would be really grateful for any thoughts or experience you might be able to give. I might be back with more questions later - feel free to add your own, if this turns into a general 'I've always wondered...' type thread all the better! It's long -as usual - but thanks for reading if you got this far

Don't know about these. Have you tried Allergy UK support network?
www.allergyuk.org/

Thanks dairyfree yes I have spoken to allergy uk in the past and found them helpful. What I wanted though was the point of view of mums dealing with this stuff in real life. I do intend to speak to the hospital but I know that sometimes what they tell you can differ from people's rl experience and I would like to see things from all angles.

Hi again,

I will answer your questions but I just want to say that how you deal with your child's allergies is quite a personal decision - a bit like parenting. What works for one person wouldn't work for others. I think it's just a case of doing what makes you feel most in control of your child's allergies and allows you to sleep at night knowing you've kept them, relatively, safe.

From reading previous threads on here I think I am more lax than others - however, this doesn't stop me having moments when I get a bit over emotional and just cry about stuff (like today when DD1 told me that when she is a grown up she can have cows' milk).

So, to answer your questions:

1. DD1 is allergic to CMP, egg and tree nuts (cashews, pistachios and macademias). She has reacted to all of the above, several anaphylactic reactions to milk and egg after ingestion (requiring epipens) and milder reactions on contact to all of the above (hives, swelling, vomiting etc) all treatable with piriton. We are not an allergen free house - I eat all her allergens as do my DTs. I do wash my hands after handling allergens but rarely brush my teeth etc. I am , however, really careful not to kiss her on her skin after I've eaten any of her allergens (kissing her hair or clothed shoulder instead). My twins have "normal" formula so I am a bit paranoid about this as they seem to get it everywhere but, touch wood, we've been OK so far (lots of touching wood in my house).

2. I used to find introducing new foods a nightmare too. DD1 was in nursery 5 days a week so my only opportunity was at the weekend. My DD1 reacts to all her allergens on contact so for any of the major allergens I would rub on her arm, wait 10 mins, then cheek, then lip, then give her a small amount. Any "non major" allergens I would just give them to her and wait. I am quite fortunate as both my neighbours are doctors and have adrenaline in their houses so I used to time introducing new foods when I knew they were in. I did the same with the twins and, so far, they have no allergies.

3. Yes I trust food labels. I do, however, think some are over cautious but I understand the rationale for the food companies. I let DD1 have some "may contain" products but it just depends on the product and what I assess the risk to be.

4. If you don't feel comfortable going on a plane yet then don't do it. Holidays are supposed to be an enjoyable thing not something you are going to worry yourself sick about. Maybe go somewhere you can drive to - South of France? Or get a Ferry? We only go to self-catering places. Although we did stay in the Malmasion in Leeds one weekend and they were fab, ordering in soya milk for her, making special food etc.

Gosh, sorry, an essay... it's still quite early days for you so I'm sure everything seems quite raw and overwhelming. We do carry two epipens everywhere we go so that makes me feel slightly safer. Do you know the rationale for not prescribing your DS one?

Thanks so much for replying Londonmum, you have helped me a lot lately!

I guess I'm trying to work out whether the way I am trying to deal with ds's allergies is within reason or whether I am making life harder than it needs to be for all of us - it's going to be hard enough for him already without me piling on the stress, and I want to try to find my feet with it all before he starts to really become aware of how things are different for him.

I have already found myself withdrawing from a lot of the things I used to do with friends - I recently discovered that the group of mums I spend time with have stopped inviting me on the regular evenings out we have and its knocked me for six a bit tbh. I feel as though I've entered some sort of parallel allergy universe, and I really resent them just getting on with their normal lives while I have to come to terms with ds's allergies. I think I need to see how others deal with it day to day to get some sort of perspective on things and try to get my life back - and create one for ds - before I cock it up for good!

Don't apologise for writing an essay - the more info the better! - besides, I seem to be incapable of writing a short post myself

Ref the epipens - Dr Fox advised that we didn't need them. All I remember him saying is that there has never been a case of death from anaphylaxis in a child under five. I know that this doesn't mean there haven't been some close calls, but I suppose because we are aware of ds's allergies and will always be with him and controlling his food intake the chances of an accidental reaction are low. My memory of the appt is a bit hazy to be honest, I think I was just so happy that he wan't allergic to everything going, as I thought he was, that I didn't really take in the news!

No need to thank me - this is what these boards are for (and I'm so grateful to the lovely ladies/gents on here who have helped me in the past).

OK I see.. I do find DD1's allergies stressful but it doesn't stop me, or my daughter, living our with our lives. She was diagnosed with CMP allergy over 2 years ago so I've had a long time to come to terms with it. I also count ourselves very lucky that she's only got the allergies that she has and has no other health problems.

So, we do everything I would do with a child without allergies.. we eat out, we go to playgroups, she goes to nursery, round friend's for dinner without me etc but I try to minimise the risk in everything we do. I always try to phone ahead to restaurants to see if they can cater for her, if not, there are always chips available somewhere! At playgroups I always check what the snack is - very often they give out biscuits that DD1 cannot have. So I take along snacks for her and explain to her that there is cows' milk/egg/nut or whatever in the biscuit and she can't have them. Then I hoover around in a neurotic fashion in case she comes into contact with anything. Birthday parties are a pain... I generally take food along for her. I find that easier but I have a lot of well meaning friends that do her "special" food for parties. I'm very cautious of this as they often forget that milk is in margarine, sausages can contain egg/milk etc. BUT I'm so touched that people make the effort to try and include DD1 and anything I think might be dubious I quietly take away. I don't leave DD1 alone when eating at a party - there are often lots of well meaning parents offering chocolate/crisps around. I have to admit that I am at my most paranoid at parties and have been known to wipe faces/hands of anyone sitting next to my DD1... but most people are very sympathetic when you explain that your DC reacts on contact.

If I were you I would push for epipens. Your GP can prescribe them. If you don't ever have to use them then brilliant but they buy you time in an emergency and I feel safer having them.

Contact your friends, go out for drinks with them again. I'm sure if you tell them how you are feeling about DS they will be supportive. If they are not, come back on here and we'll have a glass of wine with you and understand.

Hi Casabevron. My DS2 is anaphylactic to eggs, CMP, sesame, chickpeas, soya, nuts and peanuts. He's severely allergic to other peas & pulses (he's 4). I'll try and answer your questions:-

1. No,I don't ask people to wash their hands if they've eaten a 'may contain' food. I do ask them to wash their hands if they've just eaten, for example, a cheese sandwich. I do not ever ask them to brush their teeth,but I may ask that they quickly wipe their mouth (only if they're going to kiss him).

1. Introducing new foods - for things which do not contain 'known' allergens, I just go ahead and give them to him. You mention jam - i just gave him some on toast and it was fine. With known allergens (e.g. beans) if follow the standard process of touching the hand, then face etc. Introducing new foods is always an anxious time, but I try and tell myself to be sensible about it (not easy).

1. Labelling - we do give DS2 'may contain' foods and he has never had a reaction. However, chocolate is a slightly different matter to us. As he can't have soya, he can only really have the Moo Free chocolate or the Plamil stuff. We trust those brands. I'm not sure I'd give him any other chocolate. That said, he's fine with biscuits which state 'may contain'.

1. Travel - we have taken DS2 on a plane and hope to do so again this year. I will be beside myself with worry and will probably cry when we land at the other side with relief (assuming all goes well). It's entirely up to you. I did/will do this because I don't want to restrict our lives any more than we have to due to allergies. We will be careful, and we have epipens. I will absolutely not let the DC know that I am stressed about it, and they will not see me cry.

As Londonmum1 said, this is all very much down to personal choice. It's entirely up to you how you want to manage your child's allergies. I have found it's become a little easier as he's got older.

I'm a bit concerned that you're withdrawing from your social life though. Why are you doing that?

I'm very similar to londonmum123. My DS is anaphylactic to milk, wheat, eggs and nuts plus has mild asthma and severe eczema so we carry Piriton, epi-pens and inhalers everywhere we go. Yes, it's scary and yes I do worry about him but I try not to let it limit DS's life and it doesn't stop us going anywhere even though he does often come out in hives when we go to soft play, cafes etc (anywhere where there's food and kids!) - I just give him some Pirition and keep an eye on him for the next 20mins. We don't have an allergen free home either. Myself, DH and DD all eat things that DS is allergic to every day but we do always make sure we wash our hands and faces after eating and don't kiss/touch him if we've just eaten. I'm also very careful about avoiding cross-contamination when preparing food eg using different utensils, chopping boards etc. He started school in September, has school dinners once a week (arranged by the dietician) and goes to a childminder before and after school a few days a week.

Eating out is very difficult and I normally take food for DS. There are only two places that I feel happy ordering food for him - Beefeater (1 option on the kids' menu is suitable) and a local soft play centre that does Sainsbury's freefrom food. Parties are also difficult and I always take food for DS which does make me sad sometimes seeing all the other kids tucking into whatever they fancy but DS isn't bothered as he's never known any different and accepts his allergies really well. I do worry about when he gets older that he might not be so accepting and get angry and frustrated but who knows.

It's my personal decision to allow DS to have some foods that say 'may contain' because his diet is so limited and I think that most of these companies are just covering their backsides. However, I do worry a bit about this and fear that one day I could come to regret it.

We have a house in Spain so regularly go on planes and have done since he was little, even before we had epi-pens. Having our own place makes it much easier as we know which supermarkets stock freefrom foods and make picnics every day to take to the beach. The kids eat in the house most evenings too (DD is coeliac) before we go out because eating out is so bloody awkward.

I do think that it sounds as though you need to try to relax a bit because your child will pick up on your anxiety and while children with allergies need to understand the importance of managing their condition safely, it's important that they don't become too anxious as this will impact on their quality of life. The other thing I always say is that life isn't 'freefrom' so the important thing is to put measures in place to manage the risks rather than trying to avoid them entirely as long term this simply isn't possible. Living in an allergen-free home might make you a bit more relaxed while you're at home but could make you more anxious when you go out. Your child needs to take part in normal childhood activities and these will involve an element of risk but as long as you have measures in place to minimise and manage those risks then your child will benefit greatly from the opportunity to live a 'normal' life. Believe me, I know how hard it is and it does take time to come to terms with it all as it can seem so overwhelming but you need to try to put things in perspective and not let it take over all your lives. We all have wobbles but that's what these pages are for - I've had some fantasic advice and support from MNers on here and don't know how I would've coped with them sometimes.

Thanks to all of you for replying, I really do appreciate you taking the time. I know that we are 'lucky' in that ds's list of allergies is short compared to some of your dc's, and I also recognise that I do need to keep reminding myself to maintain a sense of perspective about all of this.

We do go to some baby groups - I try to stick to the ones where I know the group leader and others are aware of ds's allergies so I feel a bit safer taking him there. My friends are good about not handing out food to ds without asking me first, and he does stick all the toys in his mouth with absolutely no reaction at all so far, but we used to do something together as a group practically every day, and now I only see them a couple of times a week they seem to have just stopped asking me to join them - the final straw for me was last week when they all sat in front of me laughing about their hangovers, the first I knew about a get-together at one of their houses the previous night I am surprised at the strength of the resentment I feel towards them for just getting on with their everyday lives. How can they know how I feel? I could never have imagined what it would be like to have a child with allergies until it happened to me, how can I expect them to know?

I will admit, as I posted earlier, that I am struggling to come to terms with this. The doctor thinks I have mild ocd - lots of handwashing, etc and I have to go through set cleaning routines when we have had a takeaway for example - and I seem to go through periods when I feel I am coping fine then I will get so low thinking about the future for ds and how I can protect him that it all seems to much. I am desperate not to pass on any of this to him and I know that I need to try to get all of this sorted in my head before he becomes too aware of it.

I am always wary of posting on here for views/advice because sometimes I end up feeling worse than before I posted but it really does help to see that it is possible to lead a 'normal' life with allergies. Thanks again for repying. I really need to start seeing the positives and stop mourning the life we might have had...

Hi Casabevron - I'm not surprised you're in a bit of a spin about it, it really is a huge thing to get your head round. My DS1 is 8 and anaphylactic to dairy (now doing desensitisation so we are slightly more relaxed but most restrictions still in place). He outgrew egg white allergy at age 2.

Like the others, I want to stress that all of this is a personal decision and there are a number of valid ways of dealing with it - some depends on your child's reactivity level and some on your own personality and coping strategies.

You don't say whether your DS is likely to have an anaphylactic reaction on contact, which I think is a key point. I always tried to keep DS1 away from skin contact but didn't have any evidence that it would cause a serious reaction.

We have gone through different phases with 'may contain' foods for DS1 himself, depending on his blood results and which specialist we were seeing at the time (we moved a couple of times so are now on number 3). The main problem with them seems to be that you can never know, and one batch may be fine but another one could be contaminated.

I am super-vigilant about utensils etc, and often go through several sharp knives when cooking or during a meal if I'm not 100% sure what they've been used for.

As for the rest of the family, we eat whatever we like really, though I would be careful if I was about to kiss him after drinking milk or eating cheese (but wouldn't worry about 'may contain' type products - again, I'm sure some people do need to on the basis of what their child reacts to, but we've never had a problem). I think your reaction to this may be a bit over the top, especially given that his reactions have only been to raw egg white, whereas the quantity of (no doubt cooked) egg white in a 'may contain' food is highly likely to be minimal :)

We don't have an allergy-free home but we do buy dairy-free margarine rather than butter, as butter tends to get mixed into jam etc.

New foods - I wouldn't worry too much but would probably try to only introduce one food at a time, just so that if he does have a reaction you know what caused it.

Planes - I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable with. Our issue is dairy rather than nuts so maybe planes are more problematic for you. We have always flown quite a bit as I'm from NZ and DH is from France... the long-haul flights are horrifically stressful and involve huge amounts of organisation, but I still do them.

I don't think you should be forcing yourself out of your comfort zone, but it's good to find out what is an acceptable level of risk really. I do try very hard to make sure that DS1 has as normal a life as possible, while obviously trying to keep him safe. Maybe that's something that changes as they get older - I guess with a baby one is still very much in control of most things, and safety seems absolutely paramount, whereas an older child is starting to have a lot more issues around frustration and feeling different from other kids.

It is a tough road but my DS1 can mostly live like other kids - he goes to birthday parties (with his own box of food and his epipen and other meds), goes on playdates (ditto), has been on two residential school trips (I went on the first one and trusted them for the second, but liaised a lot about food and provided a fair amount myself).

We don't go to restaurants much - mostly we either take food for him, or he has chips or maybe a plate of plain pasta with olive oil.

We usually travel self-catering as it's easier to manage everything.

DS1 went to creche (but it was one where they could only go for half days so no lunch was served), and he takes his own lunch to school.

I agree with freefrommum about the anxiety and learning to relax, and also with londonmum123 that having epipens might make you feel safer. It does sound as if you are taking it all too much on yourself at the moment and maybe trying too hard to make everything safe (when really it's not possible) - don't let it ruin your social life! and I think you may be restricting yourself too much in terms of your own diet (unless you're still breastfeeding).

Keep chatting on here about it, I think it helps to bounce ideas off other people in the same position and find a way of looking at it all that works for you. I think the cbt sessions will also be a big help in figuring this stuff out.

freefrommum I had an interesting birthday party moment this weekend - it's the first year DS2 (age 4, no allergies) has really started going to parties and the funny thing is that he refuses to eat the food! We're not in the uk and here it's mostly just cake and fruit, but he never likes the look of unfamiliar cakes so he always comes home starving. It made me laugh after spending all these years feeling so sorry for DS1 not being able to eat the birthday cakes... though on the odd occasion someone has gone to the effort of doing a dairy-free one, he's never liked it :)

Weta I have been reading about your ds's dairy desen programme, I really hope things continue to improve

The simple fact is I don't know how ds is likely to react to cashews. His only reaction on contact with egg white so far has been hives, which disappeared within half an hour. He didn't have Piriton, I didn't know anything about it then! I think it's this unknown which I'm finding the most difficult to deal with tbh. He was diagnosed allergic to cashews by skin prick, with a 6mm weal which I know is no indicator of likely strength of reaction but not enormous iyswim? The last time i had cashews he stuck his tongue into my mouth as I was eating, and I imagine that is when he was sensitised, as there was certainly no reaction at that point. Later on that day, I breastfed him and there was a single hive on the back of his neck which I thought was him reacting to the nuts, so I did not allow him to be exposed again. Turns out that was not a reaction, but I must have kissed him on the face at some point with traces of nuts on my lips and again no reaction so I don't know whether to take it that he would actually have to ingest nut to react? I remember when he stuck his tongue in my mouth thinking 'well at least he's not allergic to cashews' so I certainly wasn't careful about not exposing him in the four or five hours between this contact and the feed later on.

The epipen thing is a difficult one. I know that they can be a lifesaver, but tbh I think being prescribed one now might just tip me over the edge into hysteria! I know how selfish that sounds, but that would be the final admittance that ds really has a problem and I just don't know if I can get my head around that properly right now. I just wish I could remember what reasons Dr Fox gave for not prescribing them...

casa, I can't really add too much more to the excellent replies that others have given. My 5yo DD is allergic to CMP (has had a couple of anaphylactic reactions and carries an epipen) and also has cystic fibrosis thrown into the equation.

If I'm honest I feel desperately sad for her that her life is restricted by both what she can eat and the tough treatment regime she has to go through every day to keep her healthy. BUT that is how I feel inside and I make sure as much as I can that those feelings are kept locked inside me and that I do not pass them onto her. I can't change her situation and I need her to accept that she is who she is and she just needs to get on with living her life.

Yes, I have to take her own food to parties (and make sure she takes the appropriate amount of medication with her food) but I don't make a big deal out of it and just tell the birthday child's mum that its just easier all round if I bring my own food with us. As someone pointed out to me on here, at least by taking food that DD likes, I know she'll actually eat something at the party!

As to feeling somehow seperate from your friends, I totally understand where you are coming from. I have a great group of friends that I've made since having DD and whilst they can be very sympathetic to my situation they cannot possibly know what its like to live my life - in the same way that I don't know what trials and tribulations they have to go through every day.
Try not let yourself drift apart from your friends on the basis that 'they don't understand me'. I know that's easy to say but you'll end up wasting too much energy being down in the dumps, energy that you could better put towards making your family life more full and fun.

Hope I haven't come across too harsh, I know how overwhelming allergies can be and I have dark days too. I just feel I owe it to my daughter to let her live the best life possible, after all she only has the one :)

Casa, I could have (and probably did) written your posts a few months ago. My dd was diagnosed as being allergic to cmp and egg at 6 months following an anaphylactic reaction to yogurt. We discovered my dd was allergic to nuts when she was 16 months old.

My dd's 2 reactions have been due to ingestion. She has had a few spots on other occasions, for example in a coffee shop or at a toddler group. Like others, we have no evidence that my dd seriously reacts on contact to allergens. However, I am still very careful. I'll answer your questions...

• when trying new foods, we just went for it, unless we had reason to believe that a reaction was possible. When allergies first became an issue I thought that she was reacting to every thing she ate. I was a nervous wreck. I'd seek more advice about this if you are worried.

• I think we have to trust food labels otherwise we wouldn't let our dc eat anything. My dd can't have 'normal' chocolate but she regularly eats free from buttons from Asda and kinnerton chocolate lollies. My dd had an anaphylactic reaction when she was 16 months old but had only eaten things she ate regularly with no nut warnings, so our consultant believes it was through cross contamination in production, however, we will never know. We don't give my dd any "may contain" items and only give her "produced in a factory containing milk and eggs" but not nuts, but as others have said, this is a personal choice. We have allergens in the house...like chocolate, some ready made meals, but we find it easier not to have nuts or eggs in the house. We all use dairy free butter, egg free mayo etc. Our biscuit tin and fridge is also free from allergens so that my dd can go in to them without us worrying. Day to day we all lead very normal lives. Eating out and parties are hard, but we have eaten out a couple of times and go to McDonald's quite regularly since its where we feel most comfortable. We take our own party food with us to parties. Mostly my dd's plate looks the same as the other children, its just that we know its ok.

• my dd is now two and we have booked to go to cornwall on holiday this year. We will fly once my dd is a bit older and more able to tell us if she isn't feeling well. Again this is a very personal thing and lots of people do fly with allergies.

With regards to socializing, we go to a couple of classes a week. One is a baby and toddler group which has snacks. I joined the committe and the snacks are now all fine for my dd! The snacks are the same as they always were (bread sticks, fruit) but they are checked now for allergy advice.

Speak to your friends about how you feel. If they are decent people they will take the time to find out what your ds's allergies really involve and mean for you.

I go through periods where I feel really low about my dd's allergies. I tend not to tell people this in rl but come on here! I am constantly on edge...but it does get better and it becomes a way of life which you get used to, to an extent. Oh and I ask people to wash their hands and mouth if they have eaten an allergen but not a "may contain".

Thankyou mintyneb, babybarrister and haverina. Mintyneb, your poor dd has such a lot to deal with . I can see from all these replies that yes I may be being a little over the top, and I am going to try to allow myself to relax a little bit more with ds. Thanks again all for your great advice (as usual!)

(BB I was sorry to read about your dh's accident on the other thread. I hope he continues to improve.)

Keep coming back if your struggling, allergies are scary, particularly when initially diagnosed.

Thanks harverina, I will. All your advice really is appreciated

I need to find the right balance, I think, between being armed with all the facts (I am very much an overthinker, and need to know facts and figures etc about everything I get involved in) and being frightened to death by those facts, and the personal experiences of others that you inevitably come across in researching anything. I am very good at collecting information, just not so good at living by it myself!

Cas, I feel exactly the same...its so weird actually...I come on here for advice but get scared when I read all the info. I want to know it all for the sake of my DD but sometimes I want to bury my head in the sand :(

Great advice from everyone here. Only one thing to add -I still a label on my little one, when she's going somewhere sociable - we've made our own and print them off the computer. It seems to help other people's awareness - one of her toddler groups now makes sure they have something freefrom when they're giving out treats.

Hi Casa, how are you getting on? Have you reconnected with your group of friends?

My DS is a milk allergic 10yo, diagnosed at 4 months old, with skin contact allergic reactions. He takes control of his own foods, checks labels, asks restaurant staff about ingredients etc.
He goes to several clubs (Scouts, rugby, youth club) which are all aware of his allergy and check with my DS, DH or me what he can have, they often buy free from stuff in especially for him.
We have always eaten dairy products in the house, but cleaned up afterwards. DD is 2.6y younger than DS, with no allergies. she didn't have a proper yoghurt until she was 3, she thought Yofu was yoghurt!
I've done the separate food, reading labels, hovering at parties phase, it does get better as your DC learn to read and also hopefully grow out of at least some of their allergies.
DS hasn't had a reaction for about 18 months now, but I'm not sure how to introduce milk to his diet safely. Surely he can't have any lactase in his gut, so would at least initially lactose intolerant even if he has outgrown his allergy.

Some really good advice here, thanks again everyone.

Londonmum I am trying to make an effort, and I have made it clear to my friends that I am ready to get back out and about with ds. I have had a couple of invitations, so that is a positive. I also invited a few people round to our house, making it clear that I would provide food for the kids. Four four-yr-olds, two babies and one toddler later I'm not sure how good an idea it was, but it was nice to catch up again!

I have also started cbt sessions which is a bit of a double-edged sword really. I think i'd managed to box away all the emotions and worry and now that I am actively having to confront it all, a lot of the physical symptoms that I was experiencing last year have returned. However, I know that they are self-induced and that ultimately I will be able to deal with them.

Inmysparetime, I don't know about milk allergy but have you started a thread on this? I'm sure there will be someone around who knows about reintroduction. Fingers crossed for your ds...