Who do you use for childcare for your child with Multiple Food Allergies?

[mumat39]

Hello

I had a call today asking me if I could do a few days work over the course of 3 weeks starting in a couple of weeks time. This would be a really good opportunity to ease myself back into work after 4.5 years away.

My only childcare options are to ask DP to take time off work or to ask my parents who are about 40 minutes drive away.

I'm not sure if DP is just being an arse or if AIBU about this but is annoyed that I only ever ask him. He is my kids dad and we all live together. I kind of thought he'd be more supportive in helping me get back into work. I know for a fact that he's not very busy at the moment but as he's being an idiot about it, I will ask my mum and dad. The trouble is that my dad doesn't like driving too much and my mum has a very very painful leg and is on the waiting list for a knee replacement so I'm worried that this will be too much for them. My kids are DD 4.5 years old and DS 2.5 years old.

I was hoping I could ask my mum and dad to do 1 day a week and that DP could do the other day a week, but am really surprised by his attitude, or maybe I'm not. [ He was also complaining that he also has to take time off for appointments. The only one's he's had to do that for are for DD's annual allergy appointment and even then he stays home with DS and I take DD. And, days off when I had to go to hospital a few times over 3 years as they were keeping an eye on my thyroid that had a single nodule. And he's always has lots of notice so I'm surprised that booking a day off for that is a problem.

He had a day off work today to play golf, so when we were arguing chatting about it I said that if someone called him about another golf day next week he would go. He said that's different as days off are for fun leisure things to do. I was gobsmacked as I have not had a day off for 4.5 years since having children unless i've felt unwell and DP has had to stay at home to helpout. Even then I've always got meals ready for the kids and probably ended up doing as much as I might have done anyway.

I sometimes feel like I'm a single parent with 3 kids and DP is like a stroppy teenager. The longer I live with him the more I realise just how selfish he is. Or AIBU?? I don't understand men so maybe it is me and I am being a cow.

Anyway, the reason I'm asking this on the allergy section is I'm wondering how other parents of allergic children deal with this sort or thing, you know odd appointments where it might not be so easy to take both kids, going to work or odd days when you feel unwell? I guess I'm also interested in general babysitting as we never go out unless my sister can babysit, which isn't very often at all.

If you do leave your kids in someone elses care, do they cook for them, do they look after them in your own home, or do they go to childminders house?

Sorry for the whinge about DP I want to call him fuckwitP and the long post.

Thanks in advance for any advice or suggestions.

Your DP is being a fuckwit.

My DH is pretty good at taking time off when it's easy for him but obviously not if he's busy. He has a tendency to suggest his parents help instead but I think that's because he doesn't like taking days off work when he's not supposed to. And as for taking days off for golf...?! Not of he wanted to be let back in the house.

You need words with your DP.

Anyway, my DCs don't have multiple allergies but ds did have intolerances so I was a bit nervous about returning to work. In the end I got a nanny in. You can do that on a temp basis (which I've done once and it was fine although only for a couple of hours).

I can't really help, sorry but had to reply as about your DP!

I must admit that work and the multiple food allergic child is a very tricky thing to consistantly organise.
I have always worked part time, with gaps between adding to our kids, but by far the allergic young child made things impossible to find child care.

even with parents, or relations, had texts and calls about food labels or enviromental allergy reactions.
At school he had reactions and even now during his teens i find it extremely difficult to work full time. Have had a spell of lots of reactions, due to new allergies or old ones returning.
I have always worked fairly near his school, as often had to make a dash, after a call from school.
I am currently working part time and am in the middle of a part time degree, and i have missed both due either emergancy dashes or hospital appointments.

when he was 9 we went for a weekend away and had family move in our home to look after the kids, and i provided the food , the meal plan, the ezcema routine , the drug routine, the epi pen training, a symptom chart etc etc.
we had a good time, but still had texts from family looking after him, and we were GLAD they did. But even so we have only repeated that when he was 15 last year and i was able to relax and have a good time.

As for your charming partner, if he doesnt work on saturdays leave him a note and go out for the day as its yr day off. you need a break.

How does he cope with the idea of dealing with an allergic reaction? has he adjusted to the fact that your child has multiple allergies? Has he ever done the food shop, made a meal , or are you doing all that as well? If so, he has very little idea of the impact this child will be having on your family dynamics.

Thanks Iggy.

Dp also suggests his mum and dad. Thing is they live about 1hr 15 mins drive away. His mum is 78 and his dad is 82. so seems a bit unfair asking them.

He's a good guy really and helps out with bedtime in the evenings and bathtimes at weekends. He seems to think I'm really lucky that he's so good. But I think he could take on more esp with things like DD's allergy appts. which are once a year, so not a big ask really.

Hmm..... Its difficult isn't it? I worked as a CM when the Dc's were pre school. I also looked after other children with allergies - Most CM will be OK as long as you educate them. I also had a CM look after DS when I had to work ( after I had finished childminding) and before DD was old enough for them to go to a playscheme. That worked well for me.

DS went to a preschool when he was 2.5 and they coped - although he did have a small reaction one day ( to the chocolate Easter baskets they were making) and they were shocked at how little it took and how quickly it developed ( hives around his mouth only) and were then very ultra cautious after that and only gave him the snacks I provided.
Also DS takes a packed lunch and snacks to any childcare he attends now.
It made me very nervous initially to let someone else feed him ( but he does go to friends houses for tea, and so on) and today he has gone away with school on his PGL trip for the WEEK {{ nervous}}

Um he's a fuckwit!

If he can take a day off for golf he can take a day for child care. Easy.

I have had a rant about having to do all the kids hospital appointments myself as DH teaches but at least he isn't "wasting" days off playing golf above family.

THe allergies etc don't really come into it in this case I don't think.

Hi mumat39, I work part time and my DD goes between her grans and a childminder. I have to admit that no matter who my DD is with, I always worry when I am not with her in case she takes a reaction. My DD is almost 2.1yo and has had two severe reactions, rarely has skin/contact reactions but is allergic to milk/egg and nuts. We have epipens and have trained anyone who cares for her how to use it. I provide all her food wherever she goes (apart from at my dm's house).

I think that I am extremely lucky in terms of childcare. I have had a few nights/weekends away - one with friends and my DH looked after my DD, two with my DH and my DH's parents looked after my DD. I have regular nights out and my DD is with her daddy. If I need additional childcare my mum usually steps in. She is in her late 60's. Our childminder is also incredibly flexible and will take my DD if we are stuck. My DH is great though - he doesnt mind at all looking after our DD if I meet friends/go shopping/get hair done. Its not even discussed really, its just expected as we both share the care of our DD.

Your DH is being extremely unreasonable. I dont think that you are lucky that he helps with bathing at weekends and the bedtime routine during the week. I think that this is part of being a parent. My DH works full time but does bathtime/bedtime most nights as he sees it as his time with our DD.

Re: taking time off work, that all depends on your DH's ability to take the time off - is he self employed for example? My DH has stayed off work in the past to help out but I wouldnt expect this of him regularly as his work wouldnt be happy with it - however, in emergencies our DD always comes first and I know that I could rely on my DH if he was needed.

HTH, sorry your having a hard time. Agree that its hard to arange childcare for an allergic child. Would it be possible for you to look into childminders for a longer term solution?

Sorry, my last post makes me sound as though I am never in and never with my DD! I am, hoestly :)