a little understanding thread.

[youarekidding]

So as you all know by now DS had undiagnosed allergies and cannot eat ketchup and we're discovering other sauces he reacts too.

He has his severely CMPI friend over tonight for tea - I've just had an insight into 1) how lucky I am DS isn't allergic to any major food group and 2) how hard it is to find foods that can be eaten - like most convenience foods!

I did chicken, rice and veg and have had crisps for after so was fine but the usual things DS would 'snack' on/ eat after meals are out. (cereal bars/ yoghurts etc)

Ah, how lovely that you went out of your way for your DS's friend. It is difficult (beware, lots of crisps contain milk powder!) but I also think it's really difficult for you not knowing what DS is allergic too - very scary. I wish one of my DS's friends also had allergies and then maybe I could let him go to their house for tea but sadly I think that will have to wait until he's older.

Yeah I did check the crisps as I've had an education from here! Next time they want meatballs and pasta and I have said I'll get a CMP free desert. Jelly??

that must have been really nice for your son's friend! I imagine you can get CMP free desserts in the free from section of the supermarket? not that my son actually seems to like anything there (or jelly!) but then every kid is different :)

freefrommum I have found that over time it has become easier to let DS1 (8) go to friends' houses. There are a couple of his friends where we have become very friendly with the parents, so the mums have had enough exposure to him to feel comfortable about looking after his needs (and I trust them) - one of them actually went vegan for a while because of her DH's psoriasis, so after that she felt a lot more confident. He also goes to one or two other friends where I just provide a lunchbox for him (sandwiches, quiche or a dairy free ready meal, plus soy yoghurt) and he's very happy with that.

Thanks Weta that's good to hear and I'm really hoping that as DS gets older (he's 4) that this will become easier but I'm just not sure many parents will be prepared to be epi-pen trained before having him over for tea. What do you do about this?

I just keep it low key and say something like 'he is extremely allergic to dairy, he will bring his own food as it's safest and easiest for everyone, he will also bring his medicines and it's probably best if I run through those with you first - but he's never had a problem at anyone's house before and is very sensible about it all, and I'm sure he'll be fine'.

To be honest I don't always explain the medicines in detail if he's not going to be there long (eg once when it was just afternoon tea and he was taking his own box, as it was only organised the day before and I wasn't going to see the mum myself before then - I did hand over the meds though and there is a prescription and instructions with them).

We didn't really start till he was 5 or so though, and at the beginning it was only to trusted mums who had also become my personal friends.

I guess one thing that makes it easier is that as time goes on all his classmates know about it anyway because of birthday cakes at school, and his friends' parents know because he always has to take his box and meds to birthday parties. So once you've dealt with all that stuff (and they've seen that he's fine) it's not really new to them any more. Probably helps that at his school he remains with the same class all the way through (since we moved here at age 6) so he and we get to know everyone pretty well.

Youarekidding - I'm sure the mum really appreciated you take g such care with her child's food. I know I would.

Weta - it's so reassuring to hear that playing with friends can be managed as they get older. At the moment noone is brave enough to have DS2, and there has been tears over it - mine and his!

That sounds tough, likeaninjanow. How old is your DS and what are his allergies? Hopefully some people will get more confident about it as you get to know them better... do you stay with him then at the moment?

likeaninjanow I know what u mean, even family members baulk at the idea of looking after DS so really can't imagine any parents wanting to invite him for tea but it is nice to hear that it is possible. I think the combination of allergies really scares people. Maybe if it was just one allergy they could cope with it...

Weta - he'll be four in a couple of weeks and is allergic to dairy, egg, soya, nuts & peanuts, peas and pulses and sesame. At the moment we have children to play at our house, and he goes to pre-school so can socialise there.

Planning to have a small party for his birthday, where I can hopefully show the other parents that it's manageable.

Sainsburys do genuinely really nice dairy free chocolate brownies in their FreeFrem section, if you wanted a one-off treat for pudding :)

Likeaninjanow he's still very young then... DS2 (not allergic to anything) turned 4 in August and has never played at a friend's house except with family friends. We've had one friend over here (with the mum) and he had a party for his birthday, but that's about it - so at this age it's probably not so unusual anyway.

I know we have only one allergy (though to be honest the kinds of things DS1 does eat at friends' houses would be fine for your DS as well, and mostly he just takes his own food) but I think people also start to feel more comfortable as the child gets older, as they can see that he is able to articulate himself and has a good understanding of the allergies and is sensible about it.

Chin up - I'm sure it will get easier! and your little party sounds like the first step in getting the other parents used to the idea.

Thanks . I know it will get better...it's just the wee wobbly lip that gets me every time!