Excema - just sounding off..AAAHHHH!!!

[Nixz]

Im not the only mum who's child has excema, i know there are many families out there who have a much harder time with their childrens health but i really feel the need to sound off without sounding too selfish. My dd's excema is really getting me down. I dont know what it is but other people can look at her and see past her red skin and not get angry, I dont seem to be able to do that. When i see her looking so awful and her skin looking so sore, i see red. The older she gets (she is 4.5) the worse it seems to be developing on her and sometimes i get so angry because of the way she looks i end up shouting at her and getting upset myself. DD takes it all in her stride, although she gets tired because of disturbed nights and when it gets sore, she doesnt bother. I feel so terrible sometimes because she handles it great and i, on the other hand, become filled with anger, followed by upset. I am also realy worried about other childrens reactions in school and feel i may become one of them mums who fight their chn's battles for them. How do i overcome this?

Just re read my message - its so selfish because at the end of the day, im the adult and dd is the child and its her who has the condition, i just want to take it away from her

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Thanks Lynny, means a lot x

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this may not apply to you but I felt guilty about not being able to do anything. Then you feel bad about feeling guilty. Sometimes you have to accept there is nothing you can do to help your child.

I never worried about fighting the children's battles when they were young, isn't that what parents are for?

Assume you've tried the full round of things suggested on mumsnet? From time to time someone posts about how changing diet or a new cream has helped them. Even if its just a respite it helps. I push probiotics and fish oil because that's when my son's got better. Even if they fail it can make you feel better for a time because you can at least try to help. Being helpless is very hard.

Nixz

I know how you feel, my dd is 8 months and her mild eczema has spread to her face and is infected. She is constantly rubbing her face and there is nothing I can do to stop her. She is also teething so there is loads of dribble, has a cold and is sleeping very poorly at night. she is now on Fucidin which is starting to help.

I sometimes look at her and think "why you" but deep down I'm thinking "why me" which is so selfish (as you say) as she is the one who is suffering. Now it has gone to her beautiful face, it breaks my heart to look at her and see her suffering. Also I'm the one who rubs in all the horrible creams and lotions and she hates it - DH never does it - and so I suffer her pain as I am the one who causes it - vicious circle really. Maybe if DH shared this chore it would be easier but he'd probably do it wrong anyway?

And sometimes I do have a reality check and think about all the children who are seriously ill and dd's problems seem trivial in comparison. But her problems are my problems and I do get upset and angry and think about friend's babies with beautiful clear skin and compare them to my baby ...

Thanks for the chance to moan too, I think it's great to have an outlet for our feelings and to be able to admit how frustrated we the mother's feel.

Jules

it does help to get it all off your chest, DP says that when im upset/angry it rubs off on dd but i cant help it. Excema is in my family quite strong and ive seen it affect others and also had a spell of it myself so i feel i can sympathise more with dd than dp can - which means i usually snap at him also! Ive tried EVERYTHING - all the clothes/bedsheets/creams/steroids/bath stuff etc. When its goning to flare up though - its going to flare up, nothing will stop it! We have an appt with specialist in 2 weeks and they are talking about trying a new cream which acts as a steroid but isnt one so it can be used on her face - only problem is that it has to be prescribed by a specialist and they are reluctant as they dont know the long term side affects
Jules - i also get p*ed off (sorry) that dd's skin looks so red and sore when all other children have blemish free baby skin - i do feel proud of the way she copes though xx

Nixz it is normal to feel angry about it. Everyone wants the "healthy" "normal" child. My ds has severe food allergies including nuts. Sometimes when out I look at other people feeding their kids anything and think bad thoughts at them. I feel for you with your dd's eczema as from what I understand it is difficult to manage and when you think you have it right it flares up again. Probably not your best option to shout at her but you are only human and things wear you down. I imagine you are also very tired from disturbed nights and probably need a break. Do you take turns with your dh to get up and look after her???

Many sympathies Nixz. I have had excema since I was a baby and it isn't nice. I know it was awful for my Mum when we had to go through the evening routien of cream and cover. Don't worry about kids reactions, as long as she can explain what it is then they'll accept it - kids are alot better at that than adults. I know it's hard not to feel angry but you say she copes with it really well, so be proud of her attitude and take inspiration from her. At the same time don't feel guilty for getting angry that your daughter is suffering, that's completly natural as a parent. Good luck

Thanks everyone - i feel a lot calmer now than i did this morning. What a great place mumsnet is!
Gem - what products do you use/found awful?

Ohhh one more thing that really p*ses me off is when (well meaning) friends say something like "oh her skin looks so much better doesn't it" when in reality she looks like a mashed up raspberry. Grrrrr

grrrrr - i know - its sounds dramatic but you want to scream "No she looks bloody awful"

I always get - "oh...is she tired?" And i answer with "Excema!" And then they always go "my daughters friends son has a freind who's cousin gets excema - they use a bit of nivea when it gets bad - aawwww shame" And then i feel like answering with - "does she look like she needs nivea?" But then im feel like a drama queen and want everyones sympathy - either that or you start competing who has the strongest strength steroid - I lose all control!

I've tries everything Nixz, from Nivea to water that's had nettles boiled in it but if it's going to flair up it'll flair up. The best one for relief if you catch it early is pure aloe vera, and that will normally stop it getting to bad. If it is already the steroid cream from the Doc's really is the best thing. Hope it helps.

thanx gem - im bumping this thread as this morning her skin was flared up again and she was upset. I have sent dd into school again but was wondering if i should have. With lack of sleep and her being itchy and sore and the rest - anyone keep their chn off school for this?

Hi

My daughter can have bad eczema and I have used all the steriod creams 1% hydrocotozone etc. I wonder have you thought of evening primrose oil given orally. I posted a while ago and my story is there to read. My daughter for the past so many months has not even needed any steriod cream at all. I put a bit moisturiser oil (balinium) in her bath and that is it. As you are going to the consultant for yet more cream I would like to make a suggestion that you try given oral evening primrose oil it actually moisturises her skin, her skin is beatiful and soft now and all the hard angry inflammed lumps are all gone and she is still allergic to things which because I am given the oil she seems to have a tolerance for. If I stop it will come back, but I am not going to stop. Since I have started putting the Central Heating on she has a patch on her feet the size of a 1p piece, that is it and it is going.

Nixz (and others)

Have you considered getting dd food allergies tested? Or even ommitting possible main allergy offender in a rotational basis and seeing whether it makes a difference or not - my friends dd (very bad) excema cleared totally when she was tested and came off wheat and dairy