What do I do once allergic DS starts school and gets invited on play dates / parties?

[Meglet]

4.6 yo DS is very allergic to kiwi fruit and pine nuts, we carry an epi-pen. The pine nuts are easier to avoid than the kiwi fruit IME.

He starts school in September and I'm not sure how we will deal with offers of playdates and birthday parties. TBH as I'm a bit PFB-ish I will probably go with him to parties for a few months yet and possibly to playdates (so I can make friends ).

But once he's big enough to go on his own I'm going to have to drill the parents on not letting him have certain food and explaining how to use an epi-pen aren't I .

Does everyone else just let their DC's go and pray nothing bad happens?

My DD2 (4 yr 9 months) is allergic to all nuts, sesame seeds, chick peas and lentils (nothing else that I am aware off) we carry epipens. She also has bad eczema and has shown really bad facial swelling in the presence of dogs and cats. She has gone into anaphylaxis after eating lentils and we had to use the epipen.

She started school in Jan and has been on a few play dates. Personally I don't like to make other people responsible for her epipens (as I know how difficult it is to use in an emergency) - others might not agree. She had tea at a girls house on Friday night. I gave the mother (who is a doctor!) a list of her allergies and she confirmed that she wouldn't be using any of them and would ensure that she wouldn't come into contact with them. She had my mobile number and my husbands and we both stayed at home, which is 3 mins away with epipens poised should be need them. If it was further away I would probably stay in a nearby cafe or just sit in the car.

Its difficult as I don't want her to miss out or feel different in anyway, so she didn't know that I was at home waiting!

In any event the mother concerned said my DD was so versed in what she could and couldnt eat there would be little chance in her having something with her allergens in! I felt very proud!

Thanks .

My DS (now 7) has a severe dairy allergy and a moderate kiwifruit allergy. To be honest (and without wishing to minimise your concerns, as any serious allergy is terrifying) the kiwifruit is a million times easier to avoid than the dairy.

I started leaving him alone at parties from the age of 4 or 5, just the same as the other kids. However, given that dairy is so difficult to avoid, he has always taken his own box of food and I have told the parents he can only eat the food I have provided. I usually ask in advance what the other kids will be having and try to provide similar in terms of style and quantity (and make sure they are things he regards as treats). He also knows that he can exchange the sweets in the party bag when he gets home for safe ones.

We had a problem once where he couldn't find his box immediately - it's important to make sure both child and host knows where it is, and I always stick to finger food that he can eat by himself. I also always leave the epipen and other meds, and explain to the host about it in advance (as well as providing written instructions) as they will be very busy on the day.

As time has gone on it has become easier as all his friends know about it, and some of the parents have started making the effort to provide some dairy free food (in consultation with me).

Playdates - again the easiest thing for us is just to provide everything, although your allergies will be easier to avoid and you may decide it is ok to discuss it with the parent and trust them to do the right thing. I do have some parents I now trust to do dairy free food, but it is a question of time and getting to know people really.

So just to say, yes it is something you have to deal with, but it can be managed :)