How to gently stop BFing a CMPA toddler - please help... I'm lost

[eskimomama]

Hello all

I am still BFing my 17 mo DD, who is very allergic to dairy and eggs - it was our choice to keep BF longer and not give her Neocate.

At this stage she will def NOT take any hydrolised formula (I live in France and the paed here has suggested a rice formula which smells and tastes horrific).

I have now come to dislike BFing most of the time :( - to my surprise as I really enjoyed it until recently and it wasn't a problem.
But now DD seems extremely attached to my boobs and relies on it at night to fall back asleep, at naptime, or anytime she is upset, and I have the feeling that it what is making her so whiny these days - me trying to refuse BFing in the middle of the day.

I've been trying to distract her/comfort her in different ways, I tried the Pantley pull off method at night/naptime (pulling the nipple out of her mouth before she falls asleep).... etc etc... but it's simply not working, probably because we've had so many disruptions(tummy bugs, moving overseas etc), and now I want to just stop breastfeeding.

I would really welcome suggestions on how to gently stop at this age. I am not keen on going cold turkey (whether for her or for myself)... even though I know that a few moms here had to do it that way at the same age.

I really have no idea how to start... should I replace a feed by oat milk/water or by nothing at all to teach her how to fall asleep on her own...

Please help! thanks!!

Hi
Sorry you are having a difficult time. I have just stopped feeding DS at 18 months - my choice. The first few nights were hard but then things got easier and now 2 weeks on I would say he's fine. I took a cup of milk up at bedtime then we read a couple of stories but with him sitting in the v of my legs not cuddled in as if he was getting a feed. this seems to have worked for us. He too was a night wakener needing a feed to get back to sleep.

My DD is the same age. We don't have a problem with cows milk though. To be honest at bed time and first thing in the morning she doesn't want milk or water, she wants ME! She has been to GPs for nights and managed OK and the other week she stayed over for 3 whole nights with no BF. Great I thought, that'll be it then... Nope! She still wants me. I am managing to put her to bed without a feed, but first thing in the morning it's like she doesn't wake up properly til she's had a feed.
I think what I might do is get her downstairs to breakfast sooner and just stop. Not sure when that's going to be though, but I think it's only going to get harder as she asserts her will.

Maybe try getting someone else to put her to bed and offering her a drink of something.

Thank you very much both.
Fruitymom - did you stop cold turkey? is your DS waking up at night still?

Harecare - we are trying on Fridays to have DH keep her with him and I sleep in another room, but inevitably she's grabbing my boob for at least an hour the next morning, as in to erase the horrible experience of a night without breastfeeding within reach...

She is like yours - cranky without a feed in the morning. I hope it is a phase... it has to, right?

Is she still feeding in the night? You must be knackered!

yes very much so - down to 2 feeds "only" at the moment but still too much...

DS was 22 months when I stopped bfing him. I was going away on a work trip and it seemed like the right time. I just didn't feed him when I got back. He asked twice , and got a bit upset when I said no, but there was remarkably little fuss and he soon forgot. He moved onto Oatly instead.

He was sleeping through at that age though , do don't have much advice on not bfing at night. Saying that DD is 18 months and still getting up in the night, bit last weekend we decided to stop giving her a bottle in the middle of the night. It was also remarkably fuss free.

We have been trying not to get up to her unless she is really upset and she has slept through a few times and sometimes has cried a couple of times and then self settled.

hi
we were down to - 3 feeds if at home and time, only one at bedtime on days I was working and if he awoke during the night. So I suppose it was cold turkey - I gave in one evening that he wouldn't settle as much to relieve my engorged boobs as settle him . That was the last feed. He is now sleeping all night. I still am the one who goes in to confort him and does the night time routine with him - so he doesn't feel abandoned. He likes to be cosy so has a pillow which he cuddles, he is in a growbag(sleeping bag) and 2 blankets loosly over him and a rabbit.

should add - he still occasionaly has a rummage down my t shirt!

How does she nap? Sometimes poor naps can mean night waking and struggling to get back to sleep without being fed.

I stopped bf ds2 at 13 months (which tbh felt like long enough!). I found that actually once he dropped the first feed, the rest went surprisingly quickly and he was completely weaned within a couple of weeks.

He did move onto hydrolysed formula at first, followed by Neocate, neither of which agreed with him. He now has So Good Oat milk mixed with Oatly oat cream to up the calories. He is soooo much better on this mix and as we do a 66:34 mix oat milk/oat cream the calories/fat are broadly equivalent to gold top milk so he is covered from that angle. The dietician said this was fine.

Thanks very much all - sorry I was slow to reply, family tummy bugs + teething here ...

It is very encouraging to hear that they seem to fuss very little after weaning for a few days/nights. DD slept with DH on friday and only woke up at 4am because he moved her (she was taking all the space ). My boobs were very engorged at that time though. The challenge will be for me to put her to sleep without the breast and then not give in later... it's like she has a boob radar when I am in the room and not willing to negotiate.

Angeldog she doesn't nap that well actually, I think she needs to sleep 2.5 hours in the afternoon to function properly, but keeps waking up once or twice and is then stuck to my boob and cranky for the rest of the afternoon. Sounds like she is changing her sleep habits at the same time as everything else and it's not easy. :(

Thanks unseenacademicalmum for the suggestion on the oatly cream, I will def give it a try.

Have you tried putting her to bed on her own in a different room? Where does she sleep for her nap? I put DD upstairs in her room and sometimes she might have a bit of a stir, but as I don't hear her I don't disturb her so she gets the couple of hours she needs.
You still seem to be feeding a lot though if you're actually getting engorged - I've been cutting back gradually so if I miss a feed there is no difference to my boobs a all. In fact I have no idea if any milk comes out at all. Maybe just focus your energy into dropping one feed for a month or so and then drop another. I'd try to lose the night feeds first, then the day feed, then morning and leave bedtime feed til last.

Thanks Harecare - at the moment during the day she has only 3 feeds - morning first thing, naptime after lunch and bedtime, but the naptime one usually has another looong feed when she wakes up too early (most days). I never really decided which one I should drop first as they all seem important enough iyswim... Maybe the first one in the morning might be easier as I can distract her with breakfast etc.

I didn't mention that we are co-sleeping after midnight/2am or so (it wasn't my idea initially, just the result of sleep deprivation...), so yes she wakes up easily when I stir myself, then smells my boobs and wants them.

Hi Eskimomama, I know I gave you my experience of suddenly stopping feeding with my ds and it very surprisingly going fine. Quick tip for mornings though, I produced a biscuit as soon as ds woke up and it works a treat on the distraction front (bourbons work for us). Gives you the opportunity to leap out of bed and get your boobs out of sight/mind! Sounds like it might work after nap times for you too. Not brilliant on the diet front but then ds has always needed extra calories.

You could always sleep in a thick jumper as well... [ grin]

Thanks Bilbomum - I had told your experience to DH and he was in favour of doing it your way :)
Thanks for the biscuit suggestion - pretty sure DD will be "distracted" as well ;-)

and better do the weaning thing asap while I can still wear thick jumpers hehe

I know what you mean about having to feed again part way through the nap. I know you've tried the Pantley Pull-Off, but have you tried some of the other NCSS ideas for resettling? In the middle of DS's nap, I can pat him / sing his 'sleepy song' if I'm there just as he's stirring, and he'll go back to sleep whereas if he wakes properly he either needs to be fed back to sleep.

I think if you can get a consistent nap, that will help nights a bit.

The No-Cry Sleep Solution for toddlers & pre-schoolers is better than the one for babies IMO. It has ideas for helping your LO fall asleep more independently.