and going on a playdate.

[mumbar]

Hi I've come to ask the advice of all the wise parents on this section of Mumsnet.

DS has allergies - allergens are unknown but we know he has hayfever and reacts to ketchup.

He has been invited to someones house for a birthday tea on Friday. I have agreed and said to the mum DS has allergies and I'll send him with 2 measured doses, 1 of 5ml and 1 of 10ml. The Mum was fine with this but looked quite worried. . I have offered to go with DS (as I have every party for the past year as thats how long he's has allergies and they are worsening).

She has declined and said its fine, asked the symptoms which I've explained and showed a photo of him with mild reaction and the severe one he had which affected his breathing. I then had to tell her if he does have a bad reaction then to call an ambulance and then me. She asked if he has epi-pens and I have said no but we are going to cons pead next week as after severe reaction GP thinks it might be advisable. (his breathing was rapid and nasal congestion)

I'm not sure now what to do. I don't want to stop DS going and it would be nice for him as no other parents are there, but do you think I should text this mum and just confirm with her that she is happy to have DS.

What do you do in this situation?? Advice please.

TIA

How old is your ds mumbar?

With my dd (just 4) I have always gone along as with many children present I know that no other parent would take adequate care (I don't mean that to sounds precious, just that unless you are very aware of allergens you don't know what it can crop up in) and in the same way I wouldn't trust another parent, who was hosting a party (ant therefore very busy) to spot the symptoms of anaphylaxis early enough to administer the epipen.

I have always said to the host that I probably need to be there so just give me a job to help.

I have normally found parents to be relieved.

Thanks whelk

Hes 6.5 . He doesn't have epi-pens (cons apt next week). There will be 3 adults and 6 children at the tea. I have offered to go but the mum has said she'll be fine - I really think she may just be being polite as she looked a little worried.

Its normally very obvious when DS has a reaction as he acts quite drunk/ confused and gets very flushed. Added to my concerm they may miss it though is he has his back teeth coming through so keeps flushing due to that atm.

Somehow DS has only ever had a reaction when I've been there. Not always at home but also out and about when with me. Never had one at school (get the impression they think I'm making it up - thats another thread!).

I live 2 minutes away from this friends house (by car).

Thanks nottirednow He doesn't usually ask for AH but will say his face itches - which is the first sign.

With his severe reaction I gave AH as soon as I realised it was allergy. He had had AH 6 hours earlier as his face itched and he got hives. The reaction was suddden. He said he was freezing and asked for more and more blankets and his face was flushed. Then he became very congested suddenly and breathing rapid. So from feeling cold to first dose of AH was about 5 minutes.

I'll definatly train him to know his symptoms. Actually though I think he does? He asked for AH at school once but was refused as they said he was fine. By the time he got home he had hives all over his face and swollen black eyes. This was about 1 hour after he asked for it.

Hi mumbar,
What a worrying situation for you. I think in your situation I would be inclined to let him go - but then again, I would be like a cat on hot bricks until it was over...

How do you feel the mum would react if you kind of insisted on being there? Would she be relieved / offended...? I have learned to be quite shameless about insisting on my boy's safety, but I know this isn't an easy issue...

Hope it all goes well.

He had had nothing to eat just before his most severe reaction. Ketchup has been ruled in a consistant reactions (originally skin only) and hayfever as suffered for 2 years despite on 4 & 5 yo during last 2 summers.

6 hours previously I'd been in the kitchen and he'd run in saying his face really itched. He had hives so gave him 5ml chlorphenamine. He was quiet for 20 minutes in front of tv then hives went and he bounced back and ate lunch.

In the evening he was getting ready for bed and came into lounge and flopped on sofa complaining of being freezing cold. Heating was on. I put his dressing gown on him and then he said freezing cold and shaking so put a blanket in him. Spots/ welts appeared so gave him 5ml chlorphenamine but at this time he started to get up and down yelling for me not to leave him (I went to put meds back), he was freezing to death. I put another blanket on him and his nose seemed really blocked. I considered a temperature and cold but it dawned on me immediatly a cold does not come on this suddenly. He then began to get sleepy and his breathing increased to 30 breaths/minute. He was snorting and wheezing with each breath.

It was 1hour and 3 x 5 ml doses of chlorphenamine before his breathing returned to normal and he was visably shaking for 4 hours afterwards. He complained his throat was sore and his stomach hurt. I was on the phone to OOH GP during this time.

I don't want to stop DS going to the party but am worried the other mum is taking on the responsibility despite concerns but is too polite to say so. Could be my ishoo though

"cat on hot bricks"

She was very matter of fact (the mum) and asked all the right questions. I mentioned he'd had one bad reaction. She asked how often they hapeen and I said rarely.

Think I'll text her out of politeness and again offer to be there if she'd feel more relaxed.

I am constantly worried atm about DS having another severe reaction. But that is anytime he's not with me and can't see the party as any different than school/ after school club/ swimming lessons iyswim?

Would be easier to ring her / speak to her? Sometimes it can be difficult to express what you really mean in a text.

It's completely understandable that you are worried - allergies can be pretty scary. For me, the party does seem a bit different to the school / after-school clubs / swimming things (perhaps this is because my DS reacts mostly to food rather than environmental stuff) - but you know your own DS best and you know what is most likely to be a problem for him.

If you are worried, don't be afraid to insist on being there... maybe even just quietly reading a book in a spare bedroom... again, hope this all goes well

Thanks greenbananas Not a food allergy afaik - seems to be thin air!! (possibly airbourne allergen?)

I'll ring her tomorrow and just say I'm happy to be there, sit in car outside, whatever if she'd like. I trust her totally with my DS iyswim so have no concerns about her doing the best for him. And I do think he deserves to have some freedom - even if I'll be having a nervous breakdown quietly somewhere

Part of me wants to let him go alone as we have pead cons next week - re severe reaction - and GP has hinted he may need an epi-pen. I don't know the implications of this but I am presuming (if hes prescibed them) I will have to accompany him everywhere?? Can only trained people be in charge of a child with an epi-pen??

Oh dear - it is really like living on a knife-edge isn't it

mumbar , you have my respect!! It sounds like you are as chilled out as you possibly can be about this.

Yes, it is very like living on a knife-edge! But it does kind of get easier over time...

IME, epipen training is a bit hit-and-miss... when DS was first prescribed an epipen, I was just told to read the instructions on the label! - although I have had some proper training since that time. Having an epipen doesn't mean that you have to accompany your child everywhere. Lots of mums send their kids to nursery / pre-school / school quite happily.

My DS is younger than your DD and I am truly dreading having to make these kinds of decisions! Again, good luck with this

Thanks greenbananas

Not chilled!! But have put things into perspective. if DS is going to have an allergic reaction it will happen whether I am there or not (becuase of his type of allergy). Therefore I have decided that if I trust the person in which DS is in the care of to do the right thing then its only fair to him to give him the freedom and fun filled childhood he deserves.

When DS is off having fun he doesn't need to know I'm sat at home next to the phone silently worried.

I spoke to his friends mum last night. She was glad I rang up and admitted she was a little worried but that I had given her all the information she needed which she felt was brilliant. She agreed that you can't predict what will happen but is confident she knows what to do if it does. I have written out a simpler version of his care plan for her and she said this was a good idea - at least she has something concrete to refer to if needed.

DS is very excited and I do not want to rain on that parade.

Mumbar - it's horrid isn't it - these first times when you just have to take that leap of faith and go with it! I tend to hang out at parties - I reckon we could all write a great book on kids parties given how many parties we attend with all our food allergy kids we have between us! I've sat in the car and more often than not now, as parties are getting smaller, I have to trust. Not easy!!!
BTW - agree with nottirednow on seeking specialist advice, a quick way to proper referral might be to head straight to A&E when you have your next reaction - it'll get you logged onto the system - sad way to do it I know!

Thankyou nottirednow and topiarygal.

I will ask the pead about referral to allergist. Think theres one in Southampton so fairly near to me. I'm Portsmouth Hospitals Trust.

My DS had eaten a doughnut from a bakery and then ran around. He felt tired so laid on his bed which was when the hives first appeared. Then the severe reaction 6 hours later - which I don't find coincedental as dose is every 6 hours when regular, its almost like it just kept his histamine levels low enough. It could have been a secondary reaction to the doughnut though? I'll mention it to the pead. With the information you've given me nottirednow it makes sense it could have been something in the doughnut - everything else he'd eaten at breakfast was his normal diet iyswim.

I am kicking myself now topiarygal as I know if I'd have gone to a&e the first time he would have been referred quicker but think the shock of the situation and still I guess dibelief and confusion over what was happening I didn't. Next time though will be a 999 call. (well hopefully there won't be a next time!)

Its not nuts. He has always had a skin (hives) reaction to ketchup so we cut it out. After a year or so he had it and was fine. I bought some as friends dd's like it but DS never had it until one evening when he had salad and pizza and some ketchup. He had a bad reaction so we were referred to cons pead who arranged RAST tests for tomato and peanuts. No clear reaction for these but can't test ketchup as unavailable so pead thought maybe something in the ketchup. She suggested putting some on his skin after a year to see if any reaction. It was also discussed he may have a tolerance level. It is interesting as he has always eaten everything but as baby being weaned he'd pick all foods up and try them, put them to his mouth. He touched the tomato and then threw it . He would never after that touch or try tomato again . He won't eat tomato pasta sauce, ketchup (won't let me try a skin test), spag/ravioli in tomato sauce since the reaction where we first got referred. He will eat pizza though .

When he had the RAST blood tests the overall IgE (control) level was 14 - which isn't high. (I know nothing about what this means btw was just told this!).

I think it is an airbourne allergy. About 15 months ago I was taking him to the CM in the car when he starting to complain and itching. By the time we got there (5 mins) he had hives head to toe. I went home and got puriton and gave him some and they disappeared after about 5 minutes. This was before any of the allergy symptoms he's displaying now began but he had had hayfever that summer.

I think I will demand request skin prick tests to common allergens that can be airborne. Dust mites, birch, various pollens etc. Although realisticly these can't be avoided it will help in the summer months especially - things such as which fields/farms/ plants to avoid. I also know many food can be cross contaminated with these allergens becuase of how they are farmed and where they grow.

Don't think DS will mind so much as long as they don't discover its in chocolate

Checked ketchup - one eaten has celery but he's never reacted to anything else which contains it. Eats jam all the time with no problems too and doughtnut was a plain iced one!!

Obviously when he had the total IgE he hadn't had an allergy so am I wrong to expect this to be low normally? Or do atopic children have a high IgE as the norm (even without an allergen)?

Its mad - I swing between thinking its no way allergy as doesn't make sense without obvious allergen to being convinced its allergy and looking for every clue as to what.

I even took DS to GP in September as he had very dry face and sore where he'd had hives and I wondered if in fact it was excema (had it most of summer despite daily AH for hayfever - kept flaring up). GP (who is brill btw) sratched DS back and welts appered. He said 'yes, definatly a histamine reaction' and gave ceterizine for 1 month and oilatum for bath and double base. (he was on chlorphenamine 4xday at that point for hayfever)

This was the same GP who I saw re the severe reaction. I simply said I thought DS had had an allergic reaction, said he'd had hives and rapid breathing, showed the photo and he didn't want to know more just dictated a letter to the pead asking if they thought anything else should be kept at home. I did tell him about the other symptoms and he was very insistant I did not delete the picture and took a copy with me.

I keep looking at the picture (sending myself mad!) and 'normal' pictures of him trying to convince myself its not that bad. The more I look though the more I get myself worried about it happening again.

I'll put a'normal' and the 'reaction' pic on my profile. See what you think if you don't mind. I'll take it down when you've had a peak.

Off to look at your linky now - thanks.

Right pics are on profile. Thanks for the chart. A quick look and the length of DS hayfever I would say Rapeseed would be an allergen for him maybe, and the daisy family one!! Obv a complete guess buf off to look where these are often found.

Not on daily AH now - after 1 month of ceterizine with chlorphenamine for reactions I saw another GP to see if we should contnue. He said no as hayfever season over and gave a perscription and sia dif DS has 2 hives reactions close together start them again. After the severe reaction he had them for a month - only way I could relax a bit over xmas. Now on nothing until see consultant as GP didn't want to 'mask' a problem.

I'll check my profile but thought I'd made it public - not sure how to do it !!!

Right managed to do my profile page.