help me be assertive qwhen it comes to dd4 allergies.

[misdee]

today i went to a coffee morning with dd4, who is allergic to milk, eggs and nuts. she has an epipen.

they offered the children milk. i just said no thanks.

but then said kids would have to sit at the little table to have their drinks and snacks. i kept dd4 distracted and away from the area as there was milk-squirting occuring. dd4 reacts on contact as well as ingestion.

my friends said i should've said something. but i just didnt feel right.

am trying another one tomorrow, and digging out the allergy t-shirt for the morning.

Am still so nervous about this.

Hi Misdee, long time no see.

I guess it depends all in the situation, ie. if there are other options available you can say something, but it what they are offering is the only thing available or is "central' to the activity then avoidance of the event is IMO and E, the way forward.

i think it was a case of toddlers being toddlers and squeezing cartons with straws. milk can travel well cant it?

am trying another group tomorrow. a different friend said they offer evil-sugar-loaded juice to the kids instead. so might be safer.

What a nightmare for you & DD4

Most coffee mornings I go to the Dcs have juice

I think you do have to say something though...but maybe that coffee morning was not the one for you and tomorrows one will be better iyswim

it was so much easier when i went to baby coffee morning, and no food/drink was involved

I have a toddler group on a tuesday afternoon which is a bit of nightmare over biscuits

Unfortunately the staff (volunteers) are not good at making sure she does not have one of theirs so I have to be extra vigelant (sp).

And we have a birthday party coming up too

i am stopping by the shops before i go, so will be armed with safe snacks.

Sometimes if you explain people can be very helpful. I'd been going to a toddler group with ds for ages, they had juice and 'normal' biscuits. I'm sure the other mums thought I was a nutter as I stalked him constantly to make sure he didn't grab a discarded biscuit (severe dairy allergy like your lo).

When dd arrived I explained I couldn't come any more as it wouldn't be safe for ds if I was distracted. The woman who ran the group couldn't have been kinder and changed all the biscuits to dairy free. If I'd told them from the start I could have avoided a lot of stress!

It's quite rare for them to serve milk, ime it's always been juice. If you find a good group that you like perhaps you could volunteer to shop for the biscuits for them?

Be proactive. When you go in talk to the leader and explain that your DD has severe allergies - show her the epipen - I think that people will take it more seriously when they see that you have an epipen and are not a nutty mum fussing about her child being lactose intolerant.

Tell her that your DD reacts on contact and for this reason you must keep her away from the table while milk is being drunk.

How old is DD4?

agree with mmelindt

you can't expect the environment to be kept safe for her if they have no idea there is a problem

so when you go, just explain about her allergies, that it is on contact and i am sure it will be fine.

thank you.

todays group was good.they had digestives and cookies for the kiddies which dd4 cant have. i explianed that she couldnt have those bicuits when we went to get her juice, and the ladies asked what she was allergic to. i explained, and they rummaged around and bought out some tesco value rich tea biscuits, sealed in packet, i checked and they were fine, so they gave dd4 some biscuits from the pack before putting them in the biscuit tin. so next week she cant have them, but they were lovely and understanding.

i will be going back to todays group :) one of the other mums loved dd4 allergy shirt as well.

glad you've found somewhere you're happy with misdee :-)

there was the biscuits dropped on the floor issue. but seeing i dont take my eye off dd4 its a non-issue iyswim. will be harder as she gets older.

misdee, glad you've found somewhere good.

I agree with MmeLindt - I've found that once you mention the epipen, people do take milk and egg allergies much more seriously. Like Bilbomum, I've been lucky enough to find a group where all the biscuits are now safe for my DS. At other groups, there's always the 'biscuits dropped on the floor' issue, but luckily my DS is quite good at not eating anything that he is not supposed to. (If he finds a stray biscuit on the floor, he picks it up and brings it to me, which always makes my heart lurch over.)

I worry much more about yoghurty children leaving sticky fingerprints on the toys because most mums don't realise that some children react on skin contact.

HAve you considered taking a pack of biscuits with you? At the worst of DS allergies I always kept a box in the car with free-from food, if somebody handed chocolate, there was free from chocolate on hand, uncooked free-from pasta in case we wanted to stop at a restaurant, biscuits, sweets and crisps. It did really help to have the things around just in case. They were just used in case somebody gave something to the other children so he wouldn't go without. Obviously there were days the box didn't have something the other children were having on the day and there were some tears but most of the times, things were covered.