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Alcohol support

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Would you tolerate this

5 replies

rocknrolldreams · Yesterday 20:52

Partner of 16 years 3 children together, I’m part time he’s just recently started his own small business. I do 90% of housework and childcare. drop kids to school rush to work, leave work rush to pick up so all the clubs and they do plenty etc. dropping picking up older child at weekend if he goes out to see friends make tea every night. I don’t have much of a social life due to being so busy at home/work and the kids. Partner has always been a bit of a drinker, but drinking more lately, he drinks beer pints 7 days a week. It can vary from 3/4 one night to 6 the next to around 7/8 at weekend sometimes even 10 if he’s feeling kiddy at weekend. He takes eats tea with us, always says he’s had a late dinner usually a takeaway chippy, he sometimes has a drink after work at the pub. Not sure how often this is as he won’t tell me. But the thing is he comes home from work at around 4 or 5 every evening and rings people up in whilst standing in the kitchen and just seems to talk about himself all night. He claims it’s work related, but if I listen in he may mention one thing about work and then the rest seems to be banter between men having a laugh or him fishing for compliments from friends/acquaintances about his work. What would you do? He can quite happily stand messing in his phone for a few hours.

OP posts:
rocknrolldreams · Yesterday 20:54

It was suppose to say he rarely eats with us

OP posts:
CheeseFiend40 · Yesterday 20:57

Is this new behaviour or was he like this before you had the children?

WinterBlues26 · Yesterday 21:01

What are you asking here as there seem to be a lot of problems imo. (Yes, I'm aware of the board).

Yes he's drinking too much.
Yes he's spending too much especially since he's setting up a small business (where is his money for take out and beer coming from)? Is he paying his share for the bills first?
No he isn't doing enough around the house.
No he's not doing enough with the children.
No he isn't coming across as an equal or supportive partner.

So perhaps the real question should be what does he add to your life?

rocknrolldreams · Yesterday 21:31

If I bring any of this up with him, he tells me he’s the bread winner so I know how hard he works etc look at what he provides, not meaning to sound awful but he’s not a high earner he receives an average salary.

OP posts:
WinterBlues26 · Today 10:13

rocknrolldreams · Yesterday 21:31

If I bring any of this up with him, he tells me he’s the bread winner so I know how hard he works etc look at what he provides, not meaning to sound awful but he’s not a high earner he receives an average salary.

I'm going to repeat my question. What is keeping you with him? Is it just money? And does all money go into a family pot that you can both access?

In the meantime go to Citizens Advice and see if you might be eligible for any benefits. Also start looking for a different job or ask work for more hours. Having your own money opens up many possibilities including freedom and happiness from a soul destroying relationship. He won't change but that doesn't mean you have to stay.

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