Hi all
I would be grateful for some advice.
My Mum is a kind lady who is helpful and supportive but she has always struggled to talk about anything other than small talk and she can be awkward to/with people who don't click with her. She had a very cold upbringing and lost her Mum as a young woman to cancer. Her marriage to my Dad was a car crash ultimately. Two people who loved their kids but just couldn't have a normal relationship. As an adult I came to recognise that they were both high functioning alcoholics. They both held down professional jobs and we were loved and looked after but my Dad went to the pub every single night whilst my Mum drank secretly at home. She hid sherry and cider in the cupboard and would basically drink til she passed out. They split when I was 15 and the pattern continued for many years.
Around 9 or 10 years ago she was at our house and was acting strangely. She made our then 3 year old cry by being difficult with him. I thought she was drunk so went to the spare room and sure enough there was a half empty bottle of whisky in her bag. I eventually confronted her about it which was awful. She was mortified. I told her we loved her, we needed her and that she didn't need to do this. I also said I couldn't have her behaving like that around our kids. She basically stopped drinking then for a few years.
Fast forward to now, I am 2 years post a breast cancer diagnosis myself (the same illness that killed my Grandma - Mum's Mum). I was lucky it was early and my treatment went well. I haven't gone tee total but I now rarely drink. My Dad passed away 18 months ago due to health complications from his lifestyle. He was 73 - both his parents who grew up in dire poverty lived to their 80s so it was down to how he treated his body.
...and my Mum has started to drink again. I noticed that socially she was accepting wine where she hadn't before. She is with us for the weekend and last night I noticed a bottle of soda water next to her bed which I thought was weird. I am a bit embarrassed that I checked her bag but sure enough, hidden away in the lining under her clothes was a bottle of gin. She hasn't been noticeably drunk but she goes to bed very early and I think she uses alcohol to go to sleep.
She is otherwise a very healthy person. She eats very well, she is super fit and still runs half-marathons in her 70s but she is obviously struggling with this and it is heart breaking for me. I just don't know what to do. I don't think I have the strength to confront her about this again. I will speak to my brother once she has gone home. He has never challenged her about drinking but is aware of the same issues. I just don't think I can leave it though. I don't know what to do. I can happily never drink around her to support her but she is very social and I know she would be devastated if anyone else knew - including me. Help!!