Can moderation work?

[Secondtonaan]

Probably like a lot of you on here I've been a fairly heavy drinker - say 4 bottles of wine in a standard week and more at Christmas / Holiday / Day has a y in it / etc etc. I have a lot stressors in my life that are out of my control and it has been my way of dealing with it. I would always have 2 or 3 AF days a week but had my eye on the booze at the end of it. As I've got older I've realised how much it affects my sleep / skin / weight / mental health but in the moment it fixed a problem so the cycle continued.

Last month almost suddenly I just didn't feel the need to drink in the same way - I woke up and realised how much better I felt when I'd not been drinking the night before and I wanted that feeling to continue. I didn't want to label it but just do what felt best for my body and mind. I don't know what to attribute it to - I've been having a lot of therapy the last few years and maybe something clicked?

So I've had 2 glasses of wine when I went out for dinner with DH a few weeks ago and one large wine in a beer garden when the sun was out at the weekend but felt fine with that and this was it. No "I've had one so I may as well have another" or "It's Friday I deserve it". I imagine this is called moderation and it feels like a breakthrough. However reading some threads and a lot of sober lit it feels like this is impossible, that you're either a massive boozer or a virtuous abstainer.

I totally get some people are far better of not drinnking and not disputing this at all but can some people be moderate when they sort their MH out? Can anyone else relate?

As a mental health student, I have attended some groups where there were people who were alcohol dependent, some completely abstained from alcohol but some still drank on occasions, mental health is definitely a huge factor when it comes to reasons for drinking, but if you are alcohol dependent there are many biological reasons. If you drink heavily for an extended time period, it is dangerous to stop drinking immediately.

It sounds like you have been dealing with your mental health and identifying your stressors. I think if you are able to refrain from drinking excessively when you do have a drink, you seem capable of drinking moderately.

I was like you, a heavy drinker who gave up and then I would go through phases of binge drinking followed by not drinking for months. It never really goes away, you might have been happy with one or two but tolerance soon creeps back up and you’ll need more to get the same feeling as you did with one, a holiday where you just let yourself relax and then a few days off at Christmas and before you know it your in a binge/astain cycle but you’re still not really in control.

I managed to halve my drinking last summer.

I am on the waiting list for surgery (at the time I naively /hopefully thought it might happen mid this year!) and had a sober friend visiting. So those two things combined made me suddenly manage to reduce.

I find it if take my mind off the ball it can creep up a little again. So it does feel like a dog pulling gently on a leash kind of thing. But I always get back the next time to that amount. I'd like to reduce down to like one drink every couple days. If I feel like it.

I'm not there yet but I've kept up that 50% reduction since August and feel I can at least stay at this level fairly easily.

Well done to you and I'm sure you feel much better xx

I’m a moderate drinker, it’s quite possible for many of us. I typically drink 1-2 drinks on a Friday and 2-3 on a Saturday, that’s it (they are usually pints so 10-12 units a week max) my dh is similar.

I think the big test is can you put the cork back in/screw lid on for another day? We can make a bottle of wine last 2 days shared (usually get a bottle if we have steak perhaps once a month)

I think moderation is fairly straight forward in the short term, for me the concern would be it creeping back up and being back in the old ways in 3 years time. Life is long, and I was always sure it would creep back up.

Of course moderation can work. You just retrain your body to accept less, just as you would if you binged on food. The difference is that an alcoholic can never drink moderately. Total abstinence is the only way for recovering alcoholics. A heavy drinker is not the same as an alcoholic, although they may become one.

The fact that you seem to have come to this conclusion naturally, cutting down, and not making the decision out of desperation due to what alcohol is doing to you, is possibly a good thing. Maybe the therapy is removing the need to drink like that anymore? I know for me I do moderate to an extent, but it’s never enough and I spend the whole week waiting till I can next drink again. I’ve decided that I want to get off this merry-go-round and why I’ve decided to go AF, just a day at a time.

I’ve done it and am almost AF. Down from worst weeks 70 units (early 2025) to averaging probably 3-4 units per week now. On day 17 dry and actually steer more to alcohol free options as I’ve reframed my thoughts around alcohol and understand it is my poison.
Trydry app helped me and deciding I would never drink if I was alone with DC (I.e., responsible for them) or when they are awake.

Well done you. I have to be honest and say, I was you in 2024. I gave up completely after realising I couldn’t have 1glass of wine, I’d have to finish the bottle. I now stick to NA beer and don’t miss alcohol at all.

I was a binge drinker, could go days or weeks without a drink but as soon as I had one, i needed ten. On occasion I would manage to stop after a glass or two but I never wanted to. For me moderation just wasnt possible and I am a million times happier not drinking. I honeslty just dont see the point in having one or two id rather have nothing and not have to worry about taking things too far

Yes I'd always assumed in the past that it would actually be easier to give up totally rather than have to think about it all the time.

Just realised that recently I've not been feeling deprived when not drinking but rather how nice it is. If I have more than a couple it's not nice anymore and I feel tired and crap. Plus there's the vanity thing, my stomach is flatter and my skin better and I hated looking so bloated.

However there's something lovely about having some good red with dinner or a cocktail in the sun on holiday but only if you can leave it at that. I did drink in moderation (other than at uni/early 20s!) until I was 40 but had a really stressful family situation that was totally beyond my control and it crept up. Have had a lot of therapy and changed my relationship with some people so although not perfect my nervous system is definitely calmer.

We shall see how it goes for me, thanks for your thoughts, I relate a lot to the pp who says it's like a dog on a lead that can pull you off course and I don't want to be pulled!

It is working for you! Congratulation and good luck.

@Secondtonaan if this is working for you that is amazing 😍 I know plenty of people who can drink moderately, it is possible,
I would love to be this person!!!

I think its an individual thing. I can moderate and dont have to drink the bottle but others I know can't.