Friend in crisis

[cancancan]

Hi, I am in need of some suggestions to help a friend.

I long suspected there was a drinking issue but it has all come to a head this week.

without giving too many details she’s been drinking/drunk for last 48 hours. I was in hospital with her on Wednesday night but as soon as they sobered up she was discharged.
I work so couldn’t be with her but have checked in on her and she’s still drinking. All money has been removed from her home but she’s now saying she’s going to go out and get drink.

I know she cannot be physically stopped. But I don’t understand how she can be discharged with a leaflet and a counselling appointment in 2 weeks.

She has drunk 4 bottles of whisky and 2 bottles of red since Wednesday and that’s what I know about.

What do we do?
she has a GP appointment tomorrow afternoon. But that seems along way away. And in reality what can the GP do? Up her antidepressants? How will that help?

Is there nothing we can do?

Does she want to stop drinking?

I'm afraid the NHS has startlingly few resources to help alcoholics.
Does she want to stop? That's the only question right now. If she does she has options, if she doesn't then she will continue.

she was begging for help but that was when she was drunk and she said she doesn’t want to. But I haven’t seen her sober to actually try and talk to her.

If she does want to stop, what actual support is there?
she’s literally been given a leaflet and a phone number. It’s not enough! How is anyone meant to detox and fight this on their own!?

Unfortunately there is little you can do, other than hope she makes the decision to stop drinking. Addiction is an awful thing to witness.
There are drug and alcohol services, for those who chose to engage.

All the acute services can do is treat the immediate physical problem eg injury/alcohol poisoning.

It’s just so sad.

She has a child and a professional job and she’s gonna lose them all and all we can do is watch as she destroys herself.

That's so sad, for her and for everyone else.

The situation hangs on your friend's motivation. If she is determined to get sober and stay that way there's quite a lot of help available. I got sober with the support of AA which is free and there are a surprisingly loads of meetings all over the country

If she's not motivated then there's nothing you can do. It's painful and frustrating but please don't waste your time trying to force sobriety on an unwilling person. It won't get either of you anywhere. Sorry if this is unwelcome news.

unfortunately support on the nhs is almost non existent. Is she in a position to finance private rehab? Or private therapy. Supporting her with this is probably all you can do

AA meetings, Smart meetings to start with. I didn't get on with either in the end but they're a good start and work for many people.
Then lots of work on self, therapy, meditation, distraction and thought.
She cannot stop drinking but needs to cut down slowly as medically advised. So full engagement with services. This is incredibly difficult because you have to drink, it's the worst.
Search online for the area to see what other NHS services might be out there, there probably aren't but worth looking.
Rehab but she's most likely going to have to go private for that.

This is the world of addiction. You (insert relationship) didn’t cause it, can't control it, can’t cure it.

I have been watching my DS destroy himself for almost 3 years now. The toll it has taken on my life is indescribable.

I pray your friend ‘wakes up’ and admits her problem.

Who’s looking after her child? Is he/she witnessing her drinking?

Her child is with me at the moment but will be at her dads for the foreseeable.

@cancancan speaking as a problem drinker/binge drinker myself - when someone is on a bender, alcohol is simultaneously harming them and making them feel better. Stopping drinking seems impossible when you start to get withdrawal symptoms. The only thing you want/need in that moment is more alcohol.

She needs to taper off - if someone can help her, this might get her sober enough to think about stopping, if she is ready to do that. Trying to get her to just stop is unlikely to work. So for example, stop the spirits and drink a glass of wine an hour, then every two hours, then watered down wine etc etc (or lager if she can drink that). She might be amenable to that.

You are being a kind friend - I hope it goes well but remember it’s not your fault if it doesn’t 💐

She seems to be sobering up and has started on getting the help she needs. It’s just woefully adequate and will come very slowly.
It’s all out in the open now, her family are aware and her work know some of it. Social services are involved.
I don’t know what the future holds for her and I will support her best I can but ultimately she has to be the one to do it.
thanks for all your support x