Questioning my relationship with alcohol…again

[scroogette3]

I’ve been drinking since I was a teenager. Classic weekend binge drinker during my twenties and actually cringe when I think about the volume of alcohol I’d put away most weekends. After dc I stopped going out but would occasionally drink at home. During lockdown that drinking crept up. Now I probably average about two bottles of wine a week, with at least 2-3 sober days.

Last night I went out with an old friend for the first time in ages and we drank loads between us. At least a bottle of wine each, then a few shots. I’ve felt dreadful today. That type of drinking is not something I do often anymore (I probably only go out 3 or 4 times a year and drink to that extent).

But I do enjoy my wine at home. I can easily polish off half a bottle over Sunday lunch or while watching a film on a Saturday night. I look forward to those drinks. I don’t think I’m dependent but I know I would miss alcohol if I really committed to giving up. The same as I would miss takeaways, chocolate, coffee - all the other things I enjoy that aren’t especially good for me.

However I am aware that having recently turned 40 I need to take care of myself a bit better. Alcohol doesn’t do much for my health and I know it can contribute to cancers and things like that.

I do enjoy my drink free days. Always feel calm and sleep well but am ready for a drink by Thursday! Does anyone have any tips on cutting back?

I found that no matter how I tried to cut back it always ended up the same creeping back up. When I decided to stop completely it was like a switch went off and I feel so much better.

I have already cut back a lot from what I was drinking. I know two bottles a week still is over 14 units but not by much. Binge drinking like I did last night is so rare for me now (and also makes me feel so shit) that I don’t think it’s too much of a problem.

I sometimes think about just stopping. Removing the noise and deliberation but then Dh will come home with a bottle of wine and I’ll have had 3 days off and just fancy it. Habit more than anything.

I do worry about my health more so because of how I completely abused my body in my teens and twenties.

You will get some people saying that what you drink is fine and others saying that it's too much.

It doesn't really matter what any of them say, because I don't think you would have started this thread if you didn't feel deep down that there was a problem.

Maybe start by cutting back to stay strictly within the NHS guidelines. If you find that difficult to stick to, then that would suggest an unhealthy level of dependency, and I would consider cutting alcohol out altogether.

I found it far easier to just stop completely, my portion control with anything is crap - I find it far easier just not having the thing at all than having “just one”, whether it’s glasses of wine or slices of cake lol. I did this at forty, and became slimmer, fitter and calmer by far. It’s now been years and I barely ever even think about alcohol, very different from my twenties!
My suggestions would be to have you favourite soft or hot drinks as a treat. Mine was elderflower sparkling water, or chai latte; it felt I was having a treat.

I don’t think it’s a problem in that it affects my life negatively. Ok days like today where I’ve felt anxious, tired and hungover do affect life and there is no way I would choose that level of drinking often. But a glass or two of wine at home generally doesn’t give me any negative effects. I still sleep ok, I don’t feel bad the next day. It just relaxes me in an evening and I enjoy it. I also enjoy sitting down with a cuppa and an Easter egg. Also not good for me.

I started the thread just as a discussion really. I truly don’t think I have a dependency problem but maybe I do have a problem with lack of control over the things I enjoy.

Well, it's good that you don't think you have a problem. If that's the case, it should be easy enough to cut back so that you stay within the NHS guidelines for the maximum number of units per week.

I was similar - I really REALLY looked forward to my end of the week wine and initially it didn’t cause me many issues but overtime my intake crept up, I didn’t sleep well, felt rubbish the next day and anxious and then started to feel like I couldn’t go a weekend without or that I was being deprived of my ‘treat’ if i did

after a few stop / starts / cut backs I did naked mind 30 days experiment - then went for 100 days.. and just kept moving my target date on. I’m over a year now, and now going for 500 days

initially it was difficult and I had to have alternate rewards - chocolate mainly! I’ve read lots of books, videos etc all of which give different view points and inspiration - but overall - I don’t miss it at all now and feel soo much better for doing so and knowing that I’m doing good for my health by cutting it out completely

if you want to think about cutting back I’d definitely recommend the naked mind 30 day experiment. Each day there are videos and talks and stuff to listen to and I found they really made me think differently and spurred me on to carry on

Peri menopause made me cut right down after being a heavy drinker (Im 42)! I just cannot drink much anymore- makes me feel so crap!

Why don’t you just try to spot for a couple of months and give yourself a break. If that feels impossible then you might want to think about why ?

It’s not impossible it would be a challenge purely because it’s something that has become habitual and something I enjoy. If I can’t drink because I have to drive somewhere or something then it’s really not an issue. I do think I’m going to try for a period of abstinence though because it’s taking up a lot of headspace and just isn’t necessary. I’ll have to find other ways to occupy my evenings when the kids are in bed.

I also found it easier to stop completely than cut down. I had the same thing of wondering how I'd celebrate/relax/pass time, but the clarity of mind & the no more hangovers and the better sleep were so rewarding in themselves that I took to it very quickly! And I was a heavy drinker. A period of abstinence is certainly worth a try, and then you can see how you feel without it. Good luck!