Anyone considering sobriety this Bank Holiday, it really can get better

[Faffodils]

I just wanted to write a post for anyone reading this board today who is thinking about their drinking or wanting to stop but not feeling that they can just yet.

When I was drinking, Bank Holidays were a great reason to drink more. I'd start at lunch time, drink myself into needing a nap by late afternoon, wake up and start again in the early evening. By the end of the weekend I would feel terrible, with compounded hangovers. I spent entire days in the pub or at home on the sofa with my wine.

This weekend I've seen friends for brunch, a long walk, fancy lunch and dinner at someone's house. I've walked about 30 miles across the weekend and been to the gym and enjoyed being out in the sun. I've eaten great food and listened to music and slept well. I couldn't do any of this stuff properly when I was drinking and now being able to spend a long weekend doing things that restore and replenish me feels like such a gift.

It took me forever to stop drinking (not till my early 40s - 25 years of alcohol abuse) and I wish I'd done it sooner. This board was a great help to me when I was in the early stages of stopping. If you are reading this and considering sobriety, you can do it! ❤️

Thank you so much for this! And well done! 🎉It’s always good to hear inspiring stories from others that are further down the line ❤️ This weekend is my first dry Bank Holiday in quite some time!

I hope you've had a good weekend @CookieDes

I did, it was so nice to start back at work without a hangover! So glad you got to make the very most of yours too!

Thank you for sharing. I was in my late 40s when I stopped so later than you! I remember one Easter bank holiday in my late 20s where it was a full four day bender. I was having extra strong coffee with loads of sugar to get me up again after the depressive effects of alcohol.

While I had funny moments and moments I do remember, I also had so many gaps in memory. Points when my mind is literally blank.

It scares me now how often I could easily have drunk a bottle of wine on my own and while I wouldn't have said I was drunk, I couldn't remember going to bed.

It took me about 5 years of flirting with the idea of quitting to actually quit. When I did, one of the first things I did was taper down to two days a week, then one, then it was easier not to drink than to drink. It helped that I changed jobs and my new colleagues were not really drinkers or were light drinkers too. It just changed how I started to think of myself.

So I agree OP, it's entirely possible, even for people who think it's impossible.

yes, it took me a long time to stop too @Lemonthyme - my first long dry stretch was in 2011, then I did dry January quite often and would have the occasional week off if I'd horrified myself somehow. The rest of the time I would drink anywhere between 50 - 100 units a week. Now I don't want to drink at all, and I don't want to be around really drunk people. So good!

Thanks for sharing Faffodils. I've drunk far too much this bank holiday weekend and just feeling generally very stuck. I have one foot in quitting forever, and one foot in fear.

For those of you who stopped, how did you make that final decision, please?

I've taken dry spells before but it was probably white knuckling and hoping it would re-set me to be able to drink "normally" (haha). Feel like I waste so much time thinking about drinking/quitting, recovering from drinking (feeling hangxiety). Making plans to quit at a future date so it doesn't overwhelm me now. I think, one day, I will do it, but just really interested to know what was the tipping point for others?

I know it sounds stupid but I just stopped.

There was a lot that came before that and a lot that came after.

So what came before was cutting down. I cut down to 2 days a week, then 1 because one of the days was before "long run" day and was affecting my performance so it made sense. Then 1 day felt a bit like "why am I bothering? I can see my sleep is worse that day, I feel obviously worse on a Sunday morning..."

What came before that still though was changing workplaces to somewhere where most people didn't drink or drank but not to excess. So socially I started to hang out with people who didn't drink and I started to see myself as a non drinker.

But eventually it came down to one day. I'd got something in the diary 2 weeks later I would have liked to drink on so I considered delaying then I thought:

"There will always be a reason to delay."

And quit. I just decided "I'm not going to drink this week and I'll see how that goes. Maybe it will be forever."

First couple of weeks were the worst but not terrible, perhaps because I'd tapered down (I was easily a one bottle of wine a day person at my worst so going from that to nothing might have been a bit much.)

Ooh this is all in reverse, I do apologise. But I think the memory I cling to is from this time last year. I was away in another country doing some work for a client who is also a friend and has been for years. She'd arranged my hotel and paid for it. After I'd delivered the work, I got some wine to drink in my room (I'd waited till the work was all done.)

That night, I got drunk and ended up falling asleep, wine in hand. Wine went on the pillow etc. I was so embarrassed. I left money for the cleaner, hoping they'd just clean it and not escalate it to my client. (I never heard anything so I'm hoping not.)

That memory is something I cling onto. It's not the worst "rock bottom" moment I had but it was one which fills me with shame. While I didn't give up that day, I did start to reduce my intake and that was step 1 for me. The moment where I realised it wasn't something I had to chill out, it was something I had to get drunk. It wasn't social, it was a drug for me. What is fun about waking up in a cheap hotel in Europe covered in booze? Nothing.

I don't know whether everyone needs a "why" like that but I think it's helpful to have a thought that keeps you from going back if that is what you want.

Thank you @Lemonthyme for taking the time to reply. This is really helpful. I feel myself getting towards this, I think. Think I still have some work to do in removing it from the pedestal that I've put it on? The weeks I've moderated and only drunk once, or taken a fortnight off, I feel so much better - and I find that a more compelling reason to come off it. Like, quitting for positive reasons - rather than making me feel like I'm "denying" myself? It is still a crutch and I really need to stack up my coping mechanisms as that's always the reason I slip back.

I used to think it was so linear. You say you want to quit drinking, then you just do it. Turns out, for most of us, not so simple - but perhaps it's the journey that gets us to this destination.

Thank you so much. I always find these posts inspiring. Really appreciate it.

I didn't realise I'd had my last drink on the day I had it! It was new year's eve 2022 and I was out having a miserable time, drinking a lot to cope with the miserable time, till I got fed up and left at about 11.45pm. Woke up intending to do dry January, which I did reasonably frequently. I spent that entire month hibernating and reading and by the end of the month I'd read 8 novels, which was more than I'd managed in years. The knowledge that maybe other nice things would also be possible (they were!!) kept me from drinking again after that.

I had known since my teens that I couldn't drink sensibly and I'd had countless experiences of dangerous or humiliating stuff I'd done while drinking. I was dragging so much shame and guilt with me every time I drank and I think eventually I just got sick of myself. Sobriety is up there as one of the most liberating and joyful things of my life and it is extremely rare now that I feel in any way like I miss drinking.

Ah don't worry and it makes me feel happy to inspire!

I went round and round about it for years. I thought I needed the crutch. Turns out I didn't.

I've had an anxiety disorder for a very long time. And I still get bad days. But avoiding the bad days in a haze of alcohol didn't make those bad days better. The only way around anxiety I've figured out is through it. Still my brain overthinks, a lot. And sometimes it would be nice to have a break from that. But I'm on a journey and that journey is all about finding non chemical ways to calm that brain.

I'd say that the ups and downs are still there but the downs are not as low as they were.

Thanks @Faffodils , that's all so relatable. Well done to you!