DH increasing alcohol now off AD’s

[PersephoneParlormaid]

DH has been drinking a bottle of wine a day for 20+ years. Several years ago I said he was an alcoholic, he said no, he’s reliant on alcohol. Not sure what the difference is, I guess it’s just him not wanting to admit the truth.
I should have gone years ago but stayed for the kids, because I was stuck in lockdown, kids got A levels etc.
Recently, without telling me, he’s come off the antidepressants he’s been on for over 20 years. He was told back then to never come off them. But now most days he’s having a can or large bottle of lager as well as the wine.
I just don’t know how to start the conversation, I’m so resentful that alcohol has been in our lives so long. I’m wrong for staying and letting the kids see this, but if I’d left I’d be wrong for splitting up the family, yet he’s the drinker.

He's an alcoholic. In no way would you be wrong to leave him. You should have left a long time ago.

Yes. But two still at home.
We don’t see him drunk as he stays up after we’ve gone to bed.

Retired early due to anxiety. He had a very stressful job that didn’t help, but it was a career he chose.

He's taken his pension early, I work.

@PersephoneParlormaid most of the comments are deleted so no idea what was said.
tbh an extra can of lager etc on top of the bottle of wine he is already drinking doesn’t sound like a major escalation unless I’m missing something! Obviously unhealthy and definitely not fun to sit and watch every day. I am 14 months sober but prior to that drank every day. Not a whole bottle but definitely more than is reasonable or healthy. But I really wanted to quit and put in some work to do this.
Doesnt sound like your DH is interested in quitting so the thing to decide is what you want your life to be like going forward. Can you live a good life alongside him and his drinking? If you cannot then the only sensible approach is to separate.
my DH was a bottle of wine a nighter but holds down a very high level job and functions well. Despite months of conversations (usually doesn’t go down well as they feel attacked) he has made it clear he will not quit but has instead cut down to 3 nights a week - I still hate it but can live with it by avoiding him after the second glass- is it ideal - no - but for now it’s working.
The other issue is future health and care needs as it’s hard to drink so much for so long and avoid any consequences. Are you prepared for this? Would you stay and take on any extra responsibility?
so I guess, sort this all out in your head and work out primarily how you feel and what you want to happen and life to look like while he still drinks - be realistic - it is extremely unlikely that he will change significantly but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be married if it’s impact on your life (and that of your children) is insignificant.