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Alcohol support

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I think DH is an alcoholic

7 replies

freetospeakup · 22/03/2026 09:07

DH has always been a big drinker. I like a drink too. A few years back we would often share a bottle of wine of an evening and that was fine. Over the last few years this has really crept up. He will buy say 10 beers, a litre of vodka and this will last 2 days max. Sometimes he'll go for a bottle of wine on top of he runs out too quickly.

We had an important event to go to yesterday but he stayed up on Friday night drinking vodka so stank in the morning and was clearly still drunk. I was embarrassed and humiliated and the day was ruined. He works shifts and unsociable hours and doesn't drink on those days so says he doesn't have a problem. But when he's off he drinks massively. We've been together a long time and I love him but I can't live with this. I have little money but do have equity in the house so any kind of separation would be very difficult. I'm thinking of telling him I'm banning alcohol at home and if he won't stick to this he'll have to move out. Is he genuinely an alcoholic if he can go without when he works? Can this be reversed or has it got too much of a grip on him?

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 22/03/2026 09:08

Yes. He is.

Wallywobbles · 22/03/2026 09:09

There is nothing you can do about his choices. You can only change your behavior. So you can lay down your boundaries but he will not respect them. So you need to make choices for you.

freetospeakup · 22/03/2026 09:16

If that is the case then separation seems the only way. I definitely don't want to carry on with this. My adult DD still lives at home and she adores her dad but hates him drinking too. I really need to make the change for her benefit. It's so difficult when you love the sober person he is. He doesn't get violent when drunk but really stupid, annoying and blames me for 'spoiling his fun' if I say anything.

OP posts:
Rocknrollstar · 22/03/2026 09:35

You didn’t cause it
you can’t control it
you can’t cure it

take control of your life. He isn’t going to stop drinking

snowymarbles · 22/03/2026 09:37

You can ban it at home but he will ‘stay late’ at work. ‘Nip out’ to the shops etc etc. he has to want to stop - if he doesn’t think he has a problem that’s unlikely.

Fundays12 · 22/03/2026 10:02

Rocknrollstar · 22/03/2026 09:35

You didn’t cause it
you can’t control it
you can’t cure it

take control of your life. He isn’t going to stop drinking

As the daughter of an alcoholic this exactly.

Get out and start afresh it will only get worse. His liver cannot sustain that level of abuse.

freetospeakup · 22/03/2026 10:11

Thank you for the replies. I know deep down this is all true. It's so sad though. I also know I don't want to live the rest of my life like this 😢. I was hoping he can still turn it around but I don't think he can.

OP posts:
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