If my husband..

[Vodkaquestion]

only drinks once a week but drinks a full 70cl bottle of vodka.. does that mean he has a problem?

Not sure if I’m being silly or not asking this question. I don’t drink much, maybe 3/4 times a year.

I’m not a big drinker, so to me that would look like a problem too! It’s about 28 units isn’t it? Which is double the recommended amount and in basically a binge drinking session too which sounds a bit unhealthy.

Can he go without it? Does he rely on it?

Alcohol use disorder is possible. Alcoholics can be binge drinkers as well as daily drinkers. It’s double the weekly recommended units limit.

I’m pretty sure that much in one session can kill you if you’re not used to it. It’s definitely not a healthy way of drinking and I would be looking for signs that he is actually drinking on other days as well.

When he drinks a whole bottle of vodka, what happens next? How does it affect him?

When I’ve spoken with friends they say that if he’s only drinking once a week then it’s not a problem but I feel like it is.

I’ve tried to talk to him but he’s not interested in changing, said it’s a bad habit but I also eat bad sometimes so that’s just as bad as him drinking. He comes to bed late, wakes me up, sometimes vomits through the night, spends most of the following day sleeping, then goes to bed early that night.

We have children and although he’s a happy drunk, they still know he’s drunk, they’re old enough

Binge drinking like that is a problem, yes.

That is approximately 28 units of alcohol in one evening.

Physically, it won’t be doing him any good at all.

What is his drinking pattern? Is it a bottle on a Friday or Saturday night at home? Or out with friends? What happens when you are on holiday?

So it’s a problem because his behaviour is a problem for you and your children. It has a noticeable impact and negative effect for you- if my partner drank once a week to the point of ruining my night’s sleep by puking all night (and causing the unpleasant smells and sounds that come with that) I would call it a deal breaker. That’s miserable for you.

That’s before even getting into losing the whole following day, so no family time, extra work and responsibility for you, and again the horrible smell of a hungover man seeping throughout the house. And before discussing the health implications.

Yes I just googled, didn’t realise the weekly recommended amount was 14

Drinking pattern is drink on a Friday night but if we have something to do on the Saturday he will drink on the Saturday night. He only drinks in the house, he doesn’t really have friends that drink. If he’s on holiday from work he will drink more. work is the reason why he doesn’t.

Yes feeling very tired this morning and pissed off with it all.

Another thing is the smell the following day.

It’s not a boozy smell, I’ve never smelt anything like it but he literally stinks of it all day. We had a children’s activity we had to go to last weekend and I was so embarrassed because of this odd smell that was coming off him.

He comes to bed late, wakes me up, sometimes vomits through the night, spends most of the following day sleeping, then goes to bed early that night.

Every week. I repeat, every week. Your children know he's drunk. He smells.

And dont fall for any 'you sometimes have bad eating habits' nonsense. Do you ever behave like that if you've eaten too much of something? If you ate something that disagreed with you so badly, wouldn't you just not eat it again.

His drinking is a serious issue. A bottle of vodka a week in one go is an incredible amount of booze to consume. Personally I would say its time to rethink your marriage. Your children are witnessing this behaviour and is far from normal. He smells because his body will be struggling to break down that level of alcohol.

Alcohol is a problem if it’s costing more than money.

It’s costing your husband a lot more than he realises.

He’s not listening, though.

Could you write him a letter describing your Friday night and Saturday? Everything, every thought. How it feels to know he’s throwing up, the smell of him, every detail of your shit day looking after the kids while he sleeps it off.

People drink for a reason - he’s choosing to obliterate himself every week to cope with something - boredom, stress, depression? Problem is that he’s hurting himself and others, so the problems will get worse and it’s likely to escalate.

Please tell us he isn't driving the next day after all that alcohol.

I think someone who can manage 70cl of vodka in one session (I’m a recovering alcoholic and could drink 1 litre in a day), is drinking more than once a week. It shows a really high tolerance for alcohol that you don’t tend to acquire through casual social drinking on a Friday evening. People who drink once a week don’t have an appetite for alcohol in that way. My suspicion would be he’s drinking smaller amounts throughout the week and the Friday is when he can finally drink as much as he wants.

@mindutopia That was my thought as well.

Thats a good point

@Vodkaquestionwhere you say that when you've brought this up with him he says it's just a bad habit and well your eating habits aren't always great was this followed by him claiming to be the wronged party?

It just felt so much like the start of the DARVO tactics my dh uses to manipulate me when I bring his problem binge drinking up and it took me years to see it.

Now I mentally tick the sequence off in my head and remind myself of the boundaries around his drinking I've set.

As PP's have said if his drinking is affecting you and your DC it is problem drinking and him refusing to address/admit that is a huge red flag.

sending hugs

He honestly doesn’t drink at all throughout the week. I notice when he’s only had 1 drink as he acts differently and I would 100% know. He works 8am - 5pm so no opportunity to do it through the day.

Hate to say it but I knew a guy who didn’t smell of it nor would you notice. Friendly old guy a neighbour, when he died secret bottles everywhere were found.

your dog will be drinking and you don’t know it. It is impossible to put away an entire bottle of spirits unless you build tolerance

Vodka is the #1 choice of the secret drinker….

I have the nose of a sniffer dog!

He absolutely does not drink any other night apart from the Friday night. He gets home at 5pm and we are away up to bed at 9pm. He drinks tins of coke or squash.

As pp have said, I can’t see how that’s possible. I knew a lad at school who drank a whole bottle of spirits in one party and he was hospitalised, nearly died. That’s a week’s worth of units in a heavy drinker- most people would struggle to consume that amount if they weren’t topping up through the week. I agree with @mindutopia that he is likely at a low level of intoxication all the time. You may not notice because it’s his normal.

He drinks those in front of you. I’d check the toilet cisterns if the tops come off. Common spot for the old ‘gulp a few gulps while pretending to pee’ bottles. Or sniff the cans of coke.

Could also be it’s only once a week, but even if it is he’s showing his children that dads get obliterated every week, vomit, wake everyone up being a mess and make everyone unhappy and uncomfortable. That’s horrific parenting and shows a serious unhappiness.

Seriously, doesn’t it matter?

He’s ruining every weekend, your children have realised. He’s a drunk, smelly, vomiting slob with a problem. Whether it is or isn’t a classifiable alcoholic dependency is irrelevant

Are your standards really so low that you think this is ok?

There will probably be other stashes at work/in the car/disguised in water bottles/work thermos/sports bottle/behind the bath panel.Or miniatures.Sorry, OP.