Question for people who stopped drinking -did you realise that your life isn't want you want it to be?

[tomtomthepipersson]

Hi all,
I'm on day 34 of no drinking - I plan to do 90 days then only drink when I socialise - I rarely socialise!
I started to look at my marriage and see things differently. I see my family life with three kids and think is this it?
All I do is work , cook , clean, laundry , basically an unpaid nanny and house keeper. No one is happy, they just take and take and I'm part of the furniture. They just want, want , want .
We have never been abroad with kids. We rarely eat out or go some where new.
My question is - does being sober make you reflect? Look closer? See things in a different light.
Will this pass or will I run away and leave all this shit!

Yes it does. I found that I used to drink as a way of escaping my unhappiness with my life circumstances, the high or alcohol buzz was something to look forward to.

when I gave up the booze I started to take action to change things, and I did.

2 years sober now.

Yes, it does: alcohol acts as a temporary deadener. When you stop drinking, your problems are there warts and all. It’s a good thing, although it might not seem so now. What’s the alternative?!? Drinking yourself into an early grave just so those people can have a housemaid?? Time to start doing things for you, and stop doing so much for other people. Drop the rope, as the saying goes.

Alcohol makes you go through life without noticing the details. Stripping it away brings an alertness to the mind.

This shows you have been drinking to anaesthetise yourself, or to get comfort where there is none.

Well done for being able to start feeling and thinking again. That is such an important step.

First of all, well done on 34 days sober.

One of the hardest things about not drinking is that you need to sit with your feelings. There is a great line in William Porter’s Alcohol Explained: Alcohol doesn’t make boring things interesting, it makes your brain stupid.

But it’s interesting that your reaction is that you want to run away. What would it look like for you to stay and challenge the status quo?

Part of not drinking is dealing with the things that made you drink in the first place. Have you read any “quit lit”? Sunshine, Warm, Sober by Catherine Gray is very good at doing “the work” that underpins sobriety.

Yes! I realised I hated my job. Had renewed energy and time so retrained into something much more fulfilling. Six years on now and no way I would have had the confidence in myself or energy to do it without giving up the booze. Drinking gave me horrible anxiety and took up so much time.

And regarding relationships, mine improved massively as I wasn’t irritable all the time and a nightmare to live with. I approached annoyances with a more level head so got a better outcome rather than just lashing out.

I found that there were a lot of people I couldn’t be around once I’d stopped

Yes absolutely. A year after giving up drinking and I’m getting divorced.

By the way I don’t think 90 days is enough. I don’t see the point in drinking at all considering all it disrupts and takes from you but for me I was actually euphoric at your stage- loving life and sobriety. Anxiety returned about 5 months in, and it took about 3 months for me to work that through.

to be honest, I am too scared to drink now. Scared it’ll be another distractor that will
set me back and make me settle.

Well done on getting to day 34, a fantastic achievement.

Personally speaking, my life and how I view the world has never been clearer than it is just now. I did used to let things slide when I was drinking, as I thought if I make waves it might get brought back to how much I drink. Whilst I would never ever go out of my way to pick an argument with anyone, I am 100% more assertive in myself and backing what I know and believe to be right.

Just even little things like being able to have a conversation with someone and not dread the prospect of them being able to smell alcohol on my breath.

My life has genuinely never been better since I quit seven months ago. 90 days is too little IMO, it was only after about month four that I truly appreciated how much I had fucked the last ten years of my life being a complete drunk. Only going from personal experience, but I was drinking way too much, morning til night and still holding down a full time job.

Good luck.

Thank you so much for your responses.
I agree, I don't think 90 days will be enough. I have a friends 50th birthday and think I will probably drink then. I wish I could just stop forever.
It certainly is a journey. I have read many books on it- they are a great help. Just finished book by Annie Grace and started Jason Vale's book. Also have down loaded hypnosis.
I'm feeling all the feelings and I'm not used to it. It does pass, then I feel OK.
I am 52 years old so going through menopause too. Oh the fun never ends haha!!!!!
Thank you every one and all the best to you all.
Glad to know it's normal to feel like this.

I have a friends 50th birthday and think I will probably drink then.

I honestly think you will enjoy the party far more than you can imagine, and be much happier, if you don’t drink.

Yes. 3 years down the road. Changed jobs. Found an exercise I love. Gave up something that didn't serve me. Am now working on adding more joy and fun into my life. When you've had a hard day or week, and you have a drink, it feels like you're doing something about it, but of course you're not.
Don't drink at your friend's birthday. That would taking everything you're now aware of, and deliberately choosing it. Stay sober and start making positive changes. Doesn't have to be radical. It can take time. It can be small tweaks. But choose better than you have now.