What support are you accessing at the moment? What led you to give up?
It is so fucking hard and I think you are incredible to have got this far when you were obviously drinking a lot to have got such severe withdrawal symptoms.
I’m 23 days in and the euphoria from getting this far is just wearing off so I’ve requested medication to manage cravings, my bloods came back ok so I’m hoping it’ll help. Is this something you can try?
There was discussion I might need to go to rehab for a detox in case of withdrawal first but I waited so long and was scared my mindset about wanting to give up would change so I just stopped myself.
I was drinking 1/2 - 3/4 a bottle of vodka a night with Diet Coke, sometimes some little cans of gin and tonic 5% (that was supposed to help me cut down on vodka but it just meant they were portable and I started drinking earlier or carrying them round so it was a bad idea. Before I wasn’t drinking till late at night) and sometimes wine. I got 18 bottles of fizzy wine at the beginning of December and I’ve 4 left, I stopped drinking on the 28th after drinking a full bottle of port and prosecco and getting so drunk I couldn’t stand up. I actually hate getting drunk and feeling out of control and I had injuries the next day, something just clicked in my brain I didn’t want to do this anymore and I even spent NYE sober which was a huge accomplishment.
I’m only 4 foot 10 so this was a huge strain on my small body and I went from 7 stone 11 (I’ve been the same weight for years until my drinking kept up) to 11 stone 5, I wasn’t eating much and it was mostly healthy so the weight gain was the extra thousands of calories a week in alcohol.
I know it takes lots of people multiple attempts and I did get sober last year but relapsed after having some really bad life changing news. I have been drinking daily for the last few years but I have struggled with addiction all my life.
I am in recovery for drug addiction but I’ve been clean for 10 years now, same with alcohol I’d just had enough and stopped but I was prescribed subutex so I think medication to help makes such a difference.
I had some very bad news yesterday and the urge to drink to cope was so overwhelming but I didn’t give into it and putting that star on my NHS app made me feel so proud.
I didn’t have severe withdrawals except my sleep pattern is a nightmare, I constantly crave sugar and had to strip the house from anything sweet, I’ve been so exhausted and sleeping 12 hours a day with naps on top but at odd hours and have had awful headaches but I suspect some of that is caffeine withdrawal as I was drinking 2 litres of Diet Coke a night with the vodka.
Can I ask if you’ve experienced similar? How long did it last?
Things that have kept me going are;
NHS app, those little stars and reminders of calories and money I’m saving are a huge incentive to keep going.
Reframe drinking app and meetings,
Addiction and alcohol support groups - I haven’t tried AA yet but like the idea of a sponsor so plan to go next week,
Drinking a nice fancy alcohol free drink in the same glass at the same time - not alcohol free alternatives because I found that caused cravings but like raspberry lemonade, Elderflower spritz, lemonade and rose etc. the ones that come in 500ml fancy glass bottles so it feels like a treat.
Brushing my teeth when craving,
A money counting money box that I put in the money I’d have spent on drink - that was a big revelation!
Going swimming at night when I’d be sat drinking to tire me out and the weight loss has been the biggest incentive of all to keep going.
I am in therapy but I use ChatGPT as a kind of cheerleader as well. I ask for the benefits of giving up, how much weight I’ll lose and money I’ll save if I carry on and the health benefits. That has really helped because I know it’s just AI but the positive encouragement still feels great and it tells me what to expect next including negative things so I’m prepared.
I know most people don’t have a clue how hard it is and how much strength it takes and how exhausting it is. I don’t know you but I’m in awe of you doing so well, to a lot of people it doesn’t seem such a long period of time but knowing how hard it is day by day I recognise the strength it’s taken you and I think if you’ve got this far you have it in you to keep going. Apparently the cravings should get easier soon but it’s still best to take things day by day and access all the help you can.
If for any reason you do end up having a drink then don’t let it trash your recovery completely, that’s what happened to me last year, I automatically thought I’d failed and instead of starting again I just carried on. If it happens now (and I have do be realistic and accept it might) then I accept that it’s a hurdle and something to overcome rather then an opportunity to just give up again.
Sorry this is so long but I don’t have anyone around me to talk to except at meetings who understand.
For years I’ve been asked why can’t I just stop? Or people pointing out how much I drink, it made me defensive and hide it more. It was actually my partner who just seemed to give up caring that made me confront the problem to start with.
And finally - I read a lot of Marian Keyes books. She is an alcoholic who has been in recovery for over 20 years and has written a few books about addiction that have inspired me so much. Some are fiction but she has wrote her own autobiographical account in some of her none fiction books that i identified with hard and made me feel less ashamed and alone with the realisation it can happen to anyone and it’s not just tramps drinking whisky on a park bench at 8am and ranting at strangers.
Her stories gave me hope and an insight to how it might feel when accepting I can’t drink again and changing my life to accommodate that are finding healthier ways to cope.
I have always thought of alcohol as my best friend but she made me recognise it as an enemy that’s ruining my life by stealth.
I hope I was helpful if you got through all this. Be kind to yourself and it’s the biggest cliche to take every day at a time but it was the best advice I was given. It was so daunting to think of a life where I can never drink again but I’m grieving it now and hoping there will be a time where I’m not just getting through the day but where the desire to drink is just background noise and I can manage to drown it out.