Acceptance of not drinking

[Evehope86]

Hi all, I know this may seem extreme but I am really struggling with acceptance around not drinking anymore. I have always had a problematic relationship with alcohol and it has only got worse in recent years. It has impacted areas of my life I didn’t think would ever happen. I know I need to stop completely as I have never been able to have a couple and stop. Always binge drinking. However I feel like I am almost grieving knowing I have to be sober. I know there are lots of fun activities I can do sober but I keep thinking of missing out on boozy nights out, drinks with girls, hen do’s etc. Is this silly?

Not at all. I feel the same, but my drinking was out of hand.

I quit drinking over 30 years ago. It is an adjustment, but most people find that they are happier without alcohol if it was causing problems.

As to social occasions, no one cares if you're drinking or not.

I hear you.

It's not silly at all, it's a big change and big transition to a new way of life. It's a bigger change than a house move or job change as it's about you yourself.

This is why support groups are recommended, so you can talk to others who understand.

Not silly at all ❤️.

Stopping alcohol can be a bit like a bad break up - you know it’s the right thing to do, but you keep remembering the good times, it wasn’t all bad etc.

Grieving the “nice” drinks is perfectly normal- but if you’re like me, the “nice” glasses were getting fewer and fewer.

Good luck - freedom awaits!!

Don’t think of it like that yet. Take it one day at a time. ‘I won’t drink alcohol today’ is significantly easier that ‘I will never drink again’ … I am almost 10 years sober, initially just like that one hour / one day at a time.

Not silly in the slightest.
I have been off alcohol for quite some time but occasionally I have the thought that it would be nice to have a cold beer or refreshing glass of wine. Then I remember the chaos that happened every time I drank.
I was never able to stop after one or two (or twelve to be honest).
It's easier for me not to start drinking again. I want to be at home with my family for Christmas, if I take a drink all bets are off! (I know it's only half way through January but I have to be careful).
I find it is easier by talking to others with the same problem- (Since COVID mostly online via Zoom). Their number can be found near the beginning of the phone book. (Phone Books remember them).
Good luck.

I’m nearly at day 200. In the beginning it’s overwhelming and was on my mind the whole time. As time moves on it gets easier as you navigate your way through all the firsts of Birthdays, family celebrations, social gatherings, holidays etc.

The anticipation is often worse than the reality and then you feel pleased and proud of yourself.

Quite literally one day and one week at a time and don’t overwhelm yourself by thinking of the forever position.

Your life becomes different but it’s not ruined and don’t over glamourise what it was like when drinking. Be honest that it was the first drink that gave the buzz of dopamine not all the subsequent ones and remember how terrible it made you feel. It’s a nasty addictive poison but it’s quite powerful as well. Gain the power over it and in time you will start to see all the benefits and feel better but accept the short term sadness at what you think you are losing and in time you will start to reframe it into something else.

You're still looking at alcohol with rose tinted glasses, euphoric recall i think. More work on remembering how alcohol wasnt so fun or good is needed to stop this inaccurate remembering of alcohol.

The pleasure you think you got from alcohol is an illusion.
Its poison.

Correct. Hence, the word "intoxicated".

Thank you all for such amazing advice and experience. I really appreciate it. It blows my mind how something that can cause such a negative impact on life can have such a pull. I heard something that makes a lot of sense - you put your hand in a fire and it burns you so you don’t do it again. With alcohol you drink, there is bad outcomes so why do it again? I understand it’s not as straightforward but I hate feeling so weak to a position that is bringing me no joy.

You asked why we drink when we know it has negative consequences. Understand that after a while it no longer becomes about free choice. Alcohol changes the brain, it hijacks the reward system, changes brain chemistry, there becomes a compulsion to drink. You need to break this process by complete abstinence.

Because sometimes there was fun from it, sometimes the night was funny and enhanced by it, everything went well and nothing bad happened. The problem is that this is maybe 1% of the time, most of the time it's not that fun or good and the cons outweigh the pros. Also the good times, the laugh, the confidence, the chattyness can be created sober with effort and investment in yourself to be able to laugh and relax without substance. Think of children laughing and acting silly sober, adults can work on themselves to feel free and happy without alcohol, or drugs but it takes commitment and patience.

The book This Naked Mind is brilliant & might really help reframe how you feel about alcohol & help you to feel free

This is a brilliant post and I'm m saving it for myself. I have been sober for over 6 months now and have managed several of the type activities that you mentioned sober. It gets easier and easier. If anything, I sometimes enjoy the events more as I'm more present and have much better recall the next day.I also don't miss my hangovers which were horrendous.
You won't know how you'll feel unless you give it a go.

Agree, I listened to the audiobook, fantastic

Give it time. Just keep doing what you’re doing and find other things you love besides boozy nights out that give you joy.

It’s completely normal to grieve the loss of what you once knew as the only way to have fun. I struggled to even tell people I wasn’t drinking, let alone actually socialise while not doing it. I’m nearly 3 years sober now and I love telling people I don’t drink. I’d rather poke my own eye out than go on a boozy night out or a hen do, but there are so many things I do enjoy and that make me happy.

It just takes time. You will get there. You just have to trust it and be patient.

Thanks for reminding me about it- I bought it months ago, put it on the self & forgot about it- Must search it out and read it.

Not silly at all, given we’ve grown up in a society which tells us alcohol is an integral and necessary component for enjoying these things. I felt the same when I stopped. I knew I had to; I didn’t really WANT to but I wanted to want to, and that was enough to get me started.

But guess what you really don’t need alcohol to enjoy life and any of these things. Sure if all you had in your relationships was alcohol it might really impact them but presumably there is more to your friendships?

I am 4.5 years sober now and the only way I can explain it is that as time passes you lose all the associations you had with alcohol. So you don’t miss it any more.