Autism & alcohol

[AlarmedByMincePies]

Hi there, name changed for this.

DS is 20 & has just started uni after a year out for health reasons. By the time he was 13 (& very high achiever academically) we had seen that there were clear differences in his emotional & social development. Well actually by the time he was 6, but it was at 13 that the school suggested he be assessed for autism. He was very resistant to this & we did not pursue it- the advice we were given was that given his resistance this would be pointless. (Incidentally my mother has autism - so there is some family history of it. His emotional & social issues are in many ways very similar to hers.)

By the time he was 17 we’d noticed a problem with binge drinking. Obviously a lot of teen boys (most?) experiment with alcohol. But this was in a different league.

This has carried on & now that he’s at university it is clearly a real health & safety & welfare issue. Basically, he is a danger to himself. This would be the case even without his health problems- but since these problems are exacerbated by alcohol, his binge drinking is a huge danger to him.

I’ve tried talking to him again & again to no avail. He thinks it’s funny. He genuinely does not understand a) the risk to his health or b) that even his friends are now concerned about his drinking. He thinks they’re all still having fun but they are not- and I am afraid soon he will find friends distancing themselves as a result.

Last night he had friends over under strict conditions. It was carnage. I ended up having to dial 999 as I was so concerned about his state. No details but it was very very bad & given his health issues I was really concerned. Horrible start to Xmas!

I need to try and talk to him again before he returns to university but am wondering- is there an interaction bwteeen his alcohol use and the potential presence of undiagnosed autism? Might this suggest any particular approach to communicating with him effectively? Are people with autism particularly vulnerable to problems with alcohol? If so what are the implications?

I’d be very grateful for any advice or to hear about anyone else’s experiences. I can’t stress enough how dangerous this drinking is with his health issues.

Yes, is the short answer. There's a meme out there that says "alcohol makes the autism autisn't" and to an extent it's true, it reduces the social anxiety that goes along with autism.

Throw into that poor interoception (not feeling tipsy until you're wasted), poor social reciprocity (not realising people have stopped laughing with you and started laughing at you), wanting to fit in, being susceptible to peer pressure from the "just one more" group and not realising that they don't want YOUR company, they just want the company of anyone who is willing to drink until the bitter end. Then throw in the way that alcohol dulls the sensory horror of a night out. And then if there's co-morbid ADHD the dopamine-seeking as well.

I'm assuming his other health problem is diabetes? I have known a couple of men with diabetes who drink dangerously and are rabidly resistant to being told to calm it down so I can imagine that autism as well as that would be a real problem.

The expert on it is Sarah Hendrickx, it is worth looking her up. I haven't read it myself but her book is often recommended: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Asperger-Syndrome-Alcohol-Drinking-Cope/dp/1843106094

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. It is really helpful 💐.