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Alcohol support

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Is there any point trying to challenge my alcoholic friend?

8 replies

Turboislander · 18/12/2025 16:03

My friend is an alcoholic. She's had periods of sobriety lasting several weeks or months but never manages to stick with it. I saw her a couple of months ago and she said she wasn't drinking. She seemed sober and to be in a good place.

Saw her again yesterday and it was a totally different story ... I went round to her house and we sat in her kitchen which was filthy (she blamed her tenant for this). She was drinking an electrolyte drink from a pint glass. At one point she left the room, came back with a full glass of 'water' and added more electrolyte tablets to it. I thought I could smell alcohol. When she left the room a bit later, I sniffed her almost empty glass and it definitely had vodka in it. I also spotted an empty vodka bottle in a bag in the hallway as we were leaving. We went to the shop together and she was wobbling all over the place. When I hugged her goodbye she stank of alcohol.

I'm obviously concerned about her generally, but I'm particularly concerned because she told me she has been offered a new job starting in January (she hasn't been working for most of the last year due to a health issue not cause by, but definitely made worse by, her drinking). She is in a profession were she could get banned if caught drunk at work.

I really want to challenge her. To tell her that I know she is still drinking and I'm worried about her and about her starting the new job. But I'm wondering if there is really any point? I'd rather not push her away completely. Does anyone have any advice about the best way to raise it with her (or whether I even should)?

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 18/12/2025 16:15

She'll deny it.
She'll say you're imagining it.
She'll say it was just the one.
She'll say she's stressed.
She'll say she's going to stop.
She'll continue to drink until she decides not to, regardless of what you say or do.
Stay in touch but don't think saying anything will make a blind bit of difference.

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 18/12/2025 16:17

All it will do is spark an argument for no purpose. You know she's drinking. She knows she's drinking. Sooner or later everyone at her new job will know she's drinking. There's nothing that needs to be said other than, perhaps, "I'm not able to see you when you're drinking so I'll leave now and I'll see you again when you're sober."

frostiesandfog · 18/12/2025 16:27

There’s really point in challenging, No point at all in saying anything. It won’t change a thing and she is already very aware. The 3 C’s you learn through Al-anon (family support) are: You didn't Cause it, you can’t Control it, you can’t Cure it.

frostiesandfog · 18/12/2025 16:27

*no

Rocknrollstar · 18/12/2025 16:41

You didn’t cause it
You can’t control it
You can’t cure it

As is often said on MN, she will only get help when she wants it and she will only want it when she hits rock bottom and that is very low indeed.

Turboislander · 18/12/2025 16:46

A unanimous response and the one I was suspecting to get. Its just very sad really. Thank you all.

OP posts:
FusionChefGeoff · 18/12/2025 17:55

I’m in recovery and had this situation with a friend. For my own peace of mind, and with absolutely no expectations of anything, the last time I saw her I just said “friend, I’m really worried about you, your drinking is out of control and if you ever want help you can give me a call anytime”. She waffled on that it wasn’t that bad and she was going to sort it out and then I left. I know I’ve done absolutely everything I could, I wasn’t part of the delusion and denial but equally has zero expectations that it would achieve anything.

She did attempt rehab about 18 months later and she rang me when she’d been to the GP which was nice and a couple of times when she got home. But Im not sure if she’s drinking again or not - probably as she’s not been in touch for years now.

Turboislander · 19/12/2025 18:17

@FusionChefGeoff Thank you for your reply (and well done on your recovery). I may still say something for my own peace of mind then I know that have tried, but will keep my expectations low. She has occassionally admitted her issues with alcohol, has engaged with AA in the past and I believe she may have a sponsor so I guess there may be a slight chance that she listens. At least I will know that I tried. Thank you x

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