AIBU Drunk Husband

[muddledandpregnant]

My husband is very good to me, he is supportive and kind. He’s a great provider and loves me and our children so much. When he has a drink which is not all that often he can’t seem to stop at one or two or even three.

This evening, we went to a friends house for a bite, I then went out to a play and he went home to mind the kids. When I arrived home later he was beyond drunk. Red wine all over his shirt. He had ordered a bottle of wine and drank it all. I just hate this. My family have a history of alcoholism, and it just makes my stomach turn to see him like this.

I dont know if im overreacting? it’s not very frequent and he doesn’t really want to do it and accepts he probably has an issue. I just find it so triggering honestly and I’m not sure what to do. It’s a real issue for us

He drinks a bottle of red wine now and then? If so, I think its your past (understandably) thats the problem.

If it’s infrequent, I don’t think it’s too much of a problem. How old are the kids? If they are very little and likely to need parenting during that time I would feel differently

I think he must have drunk more than that if it was spilled on his shirt? I had a bottle to myself tonight and drank it in a civilised manner whilst watching a film, perhaps he was very clumsy or he opened a second bottle?

One bottle of red and it was down his shirt? What else did he have?

How does he feel about being married to a generative AI? That must take its toll and drive one to drink.

It's (was) Friday night. A bottle of wine isn't a big deal. The wine 'all over' his shirt suggests a low tolerance to booze, unless your exaggerating. I wouldn't be worried.

Was he drinking when you were with your friends and then carried on when he got home?

I'm a bit surprised by some of the responses here. Drinking to the point where you are beyond drunk and have tipped red wine all over yourself when your alone in charge of children is not ok.

Ordering in booze is possibly a bit of a red flag. If I was home and fancied a drink, we had none in and I couldn't go out to get some I'd just go without.

What makes you say that?

Did he plan on drinking?

Was he fit to look after children?

I would worry about his drinking too, I also have family history alcohol issues though.

You're not overreacting, and this isn't really an AIBU situation since there's no one else's behaviour to weigh yours against, this is just genuinely hard and upsetting, and your reaction makes complete sense given what you've described.
A few things stand out. First, the safety piece: he was solely responsible for the children that evening, and ended up drinking an entire bottle of wine to the point of being "beyond drunk" while doing so. Even if nothing went wrong, that's worth naming clearly when you talk to him, separately from the emotional impact on you, because it's a concrete line about responsibility to the kids, not just about how the drinking makes you feel.
Second, your reaction isn't just about tonight, it's that this taps into a family history of alcoholism, which means you're not only responding to one drunken evening, you're responding with the heightened alertness of someone who's seen where this pattern can lead. That's not you being oversensitive, that's you having real, hard-won context that most people in your position wouldn't have.
You also mentioned he himself accepts he probably has an issue. That's significant, because it means this isn't a case of you needing to convince him there's a problem, the disagreement, if there is one, is probably more about what to do next than whether something's wrong. It might help to have a calm, sober conversation (not in the aftermath of a drinking episode, but on an ordinary day) about what support would actually look like for him, whether that's cutting back, no drinking when he's solely caring for the kids as a firm rule, or talking to his GP or a service like an alcohol support charity, since "occasional but loses control of it" is exactly the pattern those services are set up to help with before it becomes more frequent or more severe.
It might also help you to have your own outlet for this, whether that's talking to a friend, or even just naming to him directly that this isn't only about the drinking itself but about what it stirs up for you because of your family history. You don't have to carry the weight of managing both your fear and his drinking by yourself.