Rethinking my relationship with alcohol

[flibbertygibbet5]

I’m nearly 40 and have been thinking a lot about my relationship with alcohol lately. I started drinking young, underage in my teens at the park. Loved the buzz, loved the loss of inhibitions. Drank loads as a student and in my early twenties. Sickening amounts really. Then calmed down a lot when I had kids but would still binge drink when I went out on the odd weekend.

During Covid Dh and I fell into awful habits with drinking at home, a bottle of wine each most nights but that was only for that weird period of time where we didn’t have to work and had no routine. Now I rarely binge drink but I will have a glass of wine or a G&T 4-5 nights a week. I would say my units per week are between 21-26 which still isn’t good at all.

I’ve been telling myself it’s not that bad because I drink nice wine and I don’t get drunk or binge like I used to. It’s just a little treat at the end of the day and I’m having sober days too. But honestly I’m just done with it taking up so much headspace. I can’t honestly say I have adverse effects from the amount I drink, certainly no hangovers or poor sleep but I guess I do feel a bit clearer headed on sober days.

I would like to cut back even more but I think I’ve fallen into very bad habits and as bad as it sounds, life does feel a bit duller without a drink. Once my dc are in bed I’m stuck at home with very little to do and even less motivation to do it. So Netflix and a glass of wine is my downtime.

I would love to hear from people who have managed to successfully cut back (not totally stop) drinking and how they altered their mindset around habitual drinking.

I haven’t stopped drinking completely but really cut back as even 2 glasses of wine started to affect my sleep - I now drink a non alcoholic beer most nights and it seems to satisfy that longing for a drink or a tonic with a wedge of lime instead of g&t - I still allow myself to drink but it is much less - can you try non alcoholic versions of your favorite drinks or mocktails to get you over the hump of wanting a drink?

Yes I might try that, sometimes even a Pepsi max or a nice soft drink will do the trick! I definitely think it’s become habitual as some nights I don’t even fancy a drink but will just do it because it’s a Friday and I always have a drink on a Friday iyswim.

I think it’s fantastic that you are only drinking a drink a night 4-5 nights a week. It means this is a really manageable thing to pivot into a new habit. I was drinking a lot (!!) more than you when I quit, so it’s totally possible.

For the right now, can you get in nice drinks of something else and replace the wine an extra couple days a week? Kombucha or Trip or a ginger cordial with tonic or a fancy hot chocolate. Make yourself something nice that isn’t booze.

Then fill your night with something you enjoy. What a gift to actually have time to yourself in the evenings. Ours are not of the going to bed early age and we are running around to activities most evenings. Read books you have been planning to read. Start a new hobby (I started doing Duolingo to re-learn Spanish because I was going to Spain). Plan to take a class one night a week or go to a sound bath or meditation. There is a whole world out there when you aren’t stuck at home drinking. If your Dh is home, you can manage one night a week doing something you enjoy out of the house.

And then, look to the future, have you done Dry January? Do it this year. Find a Dry January podcast you enjoy and listen to it. It was really empowering to do and I actually loved it, despite being a heavy drinker. I did it 4 weeks the first year. Then 7 weeks the next year. And then I stopped drinking altogether (2.5 years sober now). But it was nice just to get away from giving alcohol so much headspace all the time.

I swear by Goodrays cbd drinks and they have them in home bargains now really cheap! I kicked it at 40 too, have had a few drinks after being teetotal for 18 months and I’m done again, wasn’t worth doing it again!

Thank you this is very good advice. I think by the time the kids are in bed it’s usually about 8pm and I’m just knackered. I have no motivation for going out and exercising or even concentrating on a book. I just flop in front of the TV regardless of whether I’m drinking or not. Some nights I will be running around taking eldest dc to activities and that makes it easier as by the time we’re home the window for opening the wine has passed. So I do agree that changing up the evening routine would help, it’s just hard to find the motivation.

Some nights it will be one glass of wine. Other nights maybe two. Other nights maybe a couple of G&T’s.

I did try dry Jan last year and got to about day 15 but then I caved purely through boredom and lack of willpower. It’s hard to talk about alcohol objectively on MN as everyone usually just accuses you of being an alcoholic which I don’t think is true for me, I’m not dependent I just struggle to give up the things I enjoy even when I know they aren’t serving me well.

I do think that binge drinking in my youth and always associating alcohol with having a good time has probably shaped my habits now. I certainly never want to be a binge drinker again. Even now when I go out (which is very rare, probably under 5 times a year) I will stop at a certain amount and drink water between drinks etc. But the drinking at home has become much more habitual.

I definitely need to find a way to break certain habits.

I promise you’ll feel amazing when you’re sober.

You think that you’re not affected by it but you really will be - alcohol means poorer sleep so you’ll always be a bit more forgetful, groggy and tired the next day. Most days now I’m bouncing off the walls and my head feels like a crisp glass of water! I absolutely LOVE not having hangovers after events too - everyone else is moaning and laying around with a slamming head and I’m out walking through the woods already.

Alcohol has all kinds of other negative effects too. It damages your DNA and messes with cell replication. On the milder end this means it ages you faster leading to wrinkles… on the serious end is it increases the chance of many many cancers.

Alcohol also disrupts digestion- the body focuses on processing the alcohol calories and so instead of burning the food calories you’ve eaten it sends it all to fat storage.

It also eventually leads to brain damage - likely worsening the chance of Alzheimer’s and other brain degenerative diseases.

Finally, it messes with your immune system meaning you’re sick more often and your endocrine system meaning your hormones are off whack.

It’s really evil stuff at its core! I’m 3 months sober… that’s not even very long and I feel 100x better. My mind is calm, my anxiety went away, I’m slimmer, more vibrant and much more present in my life.